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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD very clingy (12mo) and getting worse

8 replies

wendyh · 20/02/2009 14:13

DD (12mo) is very clingy with me & DH, we can't leave her in anyone elses company. Luckily I'm a stay at home Mum. I've periodically left her at a gym creche since she was 3mo but since around 6mo she pretty much cries constantly when I'm not there. We've just gotten back from a ski holiday where we shared childcare of 3 children so she was left for a few hours without either of us, it didn't work all that well but equally wasn't disasterous. Since we've been home her clingyness has gotten alot worse. She needs to be held if another adult is in our company. If she calms enough to play and I move away from her, even within the same room, she cries immediately.

Don't get me started on what happens if I show another child attention!

Do you think this is a behaviour I can help her improve? Or should I not push the issue and let her grow out of it naturally?

Any tips very gratefully received!

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PinkBubblesGoApe · 20/02/2009 14:20

My niece was v. clingy, and with a bit of patience and over time she's pretty much grown out of it. She's shy by nature though, some things can't be changed...

However, its worth paying attention IMO to how you are dealing with social situations; are you perhaps by mistake giving her mixed signals? Or maybe she is sensing anxiety on your part?

neolara · 20/02/2009 14:28

I'm sorry to say that this is completely normal 12 month old behaviour and it actually a good thing because it show that your dd has developed a strong attachment to you and your dh. Little babies are programmed to react like this. I think the theory goes something like this - separation anxiety kept babies safe in cave times from crawling off and being eaten by sabre tooth tigers.

If I were you I would just roll with it for the moment. She will outgrow it in a few months. You might be able to make minor progress by doing things like playing peekaboo so she realises that you will come back when you disappear from sight for a few seconds or minutes. But you are unlikely to make any major changes to her behaviour. Leaving her for protracted periods of time is likely to just make her really, really upset. You can try it, but don't be surprised by her reaction.

horace · 20/02/2009 14:56

very normal behaviour in my opinion. she's probably just begining to realise that she's a sepeerate being to you. it will pass all the more quickly if you give in and help her to feel secure. my youngest used to howl when i went to the bun or even left the room

Original poster

wendyh · 20/02/2009 14:58

Thanks ladies. I don't feel that leaving her at the creche and forcing her into situations where she's not happy just isn't working. I really don't want to make a rod for my own back on this issue but my gut instinct is not to push her. I'll definitely look at how I'm reacting and what signals I'm giving her when we're next with company.

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Original poster

wendyh · 20/02/2009 14:58

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livysmum · 20/02/2009 18:09

I saw this one time and actually gave this same advice to a lady on here with a clingy child who wouldnt let her leave the room.

Give DD somethign that she knows you always have on you.. Like keys, mobile, watch( somethign that will also intrest her) and instead of just leaving let her know that "mommy is just going to... go workout for a bit, hold this and I'll be right back. Okay, you be a good big girl. thank you DD" Then DD should know that mom always needs this thing I have so not to worry that she wont come back.
Its better that you let them know you are going somewhere and that you'll be back not only to collect her but also your belonging.
And of course when you come back adn IF she has been good, lots of praise for letting mommy have mommy time

Hope it helps

livysmum · 20/02/2009 18:19

oh also if you cant put her down for long enough to do anything...like shes constantly at your hip I saw anotehr tip on the show that the ladies who created this site.

Lets say you need to do the dishes in the kitchen and have to put her down but of course she doesnt want to.

Use the diversion method and get a blanket or play mat and put some of her favourite toys on it just near you but not so close you'll trip over her you know,...just in the same room and everytime she goes to kick off adn cry show her one of her toys and how neat it is that it sings or lights up or pretty it is or whatever and then go straight back to doing what you need to do. and repet with every time she crys.. it might interfere with what your doing 3-4 times but at least is gets done and it should improve as the days go on.

again hope it helps

Original poster

wendyh · 20/02/2009 19:21

livysmum great advice, thank you!

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