DS has been screaming for 40 mins because he doesn't want to go to bed - how can we calm him down??

[iwouldgoouttonight]

We have a newborn DD (4 weeks) and DS is still adjusting to her arrival. He's also 2.5 and very much at the 'terrible two' stage!

We've been trying to put him to bed for 40 mins, but he won't even let us get him undressed or even touch him, he is just screaming and screaming! I know its difficult for him getting used to life with a new baby and he's not getting all the attention he used to, but no idea how to calm him down!

We've tried leaving him for a bit to see if he realises that screaming won't get him any attention, tried to cuddle him and tell him how much we love him but he won't let us near him, tried reasoning with him (no chance!) and now stuck for what to do! DP is now with him while I feed DD and he is still screaming.

We really need him to go to bed otherwise he'll just get overtired and worse, and also I need to go to bed soon so I can cope with the night feeds with DD.

Any ideas???

If he is safe in hbis room, Id say to him. Its night time, when you calm down we can have a cuddle and a kiss. Then leave him, keep going back every 5 mins if you want, but try saying the same thing. Ds1 gets like this at times and the only way he clams down is when hes left alone. Good luck

calms down even, he nevers clams up!

Stick a dvd on for 15 minutes and let your dp deal with him. One night won't hurt, you go to bed if you need to and let his dad chill with him

PERSONALLY I would probably sit on his bed, put the lights down low, and close his bedroom door, and just sit with him until he calms down or falls asleep

I think thats our only option! Only problem is if he goes to sleep unhappy he normally wakes up in the night and starts the screaming again!

Oh dear, I suppose you have tried offering stories, warm milk, maybe lying down in your bed with you for a bit?

Or what about offering to watch a relaxing programme like In the Night Garden for 20 minutes? I know TV is 'evil' but this might help him to calm down and forget how cross he is?

Sorry if none of this is helpful. I just wanted to post really as I sympathise with bedtime blues. xx

Have you any CD stories? That sometimes calms ds1 when he is 'overtired' think its quite calming to fall asleep listening to a story.

We have already tried the DVD - that calmed him down but as soon as we had to go upstairs to bed he started all over again! I would go to bed myself but can't sleep with the noise!!

Please tell me this stage doesn't last too long!!! Me and DD now both almost in tears!

distraction i would sit on the floor and read a book and laugh to myself etc until he sits down and calms down then if not in uncomfortable clothes ifd leave him for a bit and lay on bed with him read the story if he falls asleep then fine undress him when asleep

or you could get undressed as a game see who could take there top off the fastest etc and then put pj's on

maybe when it comes to bed time if your both there someone could have special time with him in his room working up to bed getting undressed play and story as special time so it doesn't become a battle for the attention he gets it without causing a scene and you could take it in turn s that, that time is his special time ask him what book he'd like to read or what pj's he wants to wear etc but have him have that one to one so he doesn't feel his being pushed away

good luck

I'd bung him in bed and undress him later. We went through v similar with DS1 when DS2 arrived - DS2 now 6 weeks and DS1 much happier. It does pass!

Now he doesn't even want any of the things he normally loves - Night Garden, lying in our bed, going to bed with his cycling helmet on (yes, odd I know!)

I think you need to leave him alone to calm down - if he's anything like my DS offering alternatives will just wind him up more

I agree with effieperine, leaving ds1 alone is the only thing that calms him down.

Hope all is calm now

I would put a DVD on and sit quietly on the sofa with him and offer him a drink.

I have no advice but just wanted to sympathise with you. My DS1 was 2.4 when DS2 was born and he suddenly turned into a constant whinging/tantrumming little boy - it really was like someone had replaced him His sleep also went completely to pot (up 3 or 4 times a night/refusing to go to bed etc) - he had been a perfect sleeper up until that point.

DS2 is 3 months old now and things are much easier - DS1's stroppy phase lasted a couple of weeks, he then went through an aggressive stage towards DS2 that lasted maybe a week but has been pretty much ok since. We still get the occasional demands for attention at times when he knows we can't (i.e. when feeding DS2/changing his nappy) but this is usually when he is tired.

Unfortunately his sleep still hasn't recovered - but it is gradually getting better (usually only gets up once in the night now) - which is blardy annoying as DS2 started sleeping through at 9 weeks!!

congratulations on your DD

Thank you everyone for your support - he eventually calmed down after DP sat reading out loud in the corner of his room ignoring the screaming, and curiosity eventually got the better of DS and he stopped crying to see what was in the book. Took over an hour though. I used the same technique last night - all was going well until the PJs he wanted to wear were in the wash and the screaming started! So I just ignored and started doing jigsaws on the floor in his room, and eventually he wanted to join in and calmed himself down.

DP is working tonight so he won't be here to help so my parents are coming round as I daren't do it on my own! Fine if DD is sleeping or happily lying on her playmat, but if she gets hungry or fractious at the same time as DS going into meltdown I have no idea what to do!

Reassuring to hear it will pass soon. I need to get him out running about the fresh air more too as I think being cooped up in the house isn't helping (I keep putting off going out because of the hassle of getting the two of them and all the paraphernalia ready!)

Mine used to scream and scream for up to an hour then wore herself out and just laid down! Until i had to take the sides off her cot. Now she won't go to sleep in there!! She's nearly 2.5 yrs.