I have a friend with a 4 year old DD who frequently plays with my 3 year old DD. They are both spirited, boisterous girls who generally play well together with the odd spat. However, reasonably frequently (i.e. once in every three or four times they meet) my friends DD will completely loose it. She throws herself at my DD, kicks her and scrapes her nails down her face, often drawing blood. It's usually precipitated by a "usual" disagreement over a toy or she says my DD pulled at her - nothing that should have provoked that kind of reaction.
The think I find difficult is my friend never disciplines her about it. She just says saomething along the lines of "you really shouldn't do that - it's not nice" (although my friend is always completely mortified). She has a very relaxed approach to discipline, and has made it clear she thinks I'm controlling (I use Magic 1,2,3, or will remove DD from the room for a serious misdemeanor, make DD sit at table to eat etc.). She says her DD is too sensitive to discipline more strictly and says she can't control her temper(though she never seems at at upset after her outbursts). She frequently attacks her parents like this and other children she's close to. Obviously it's up to her how she manages her child, but I'm beginning to wonder if I should say she needs to take her daughter home if this happens - I'm really fed up seeing my DD treated this way and to my mind my friend letting her get away with it. She'll see it as me trying to punish her DD, and it will certainly ruin our friendship, though (we go back a long way and I was hoping we could weather our child-related differences). My DD obviously gets upset when it happens, but is still happy to play with her the next time (otherwise I would obviously stop contact). What do people think? Should children be disciplined for temper outbursts like this, or is it really beyond their control?