Slightly freaked - barely 9-year-old girl made sexual overtures to 9-year-old dd

[AbbyLubber]

Maybe this is an AIBU topic, really, but at a recent sleepover one of the girls (they are all young-9, just 9 and definitely pre-pubescent) in the middle of Truth or Dare dared dd to snog her, and graphically described sex between another 9-year-old boy and girl.

I test liberal-libertarian on the Political Compass, but I'm slightly freaked by this, as was dd, who is now refusing to play with said girl and found it all much too much. It's not the lesbian thing that worries me, because I think this is utterly normal at this age, more the fact that dd is worried by the overt sexuality herself. This girl, the one who made the overture, has been the target of some homophobic teasing, however - not emanating from my dd, but from others.

Thing is, should I tell the other girl's mother? We know the family quite well and the elder brother has a bit of an internet porn habit - is this relevant? I know his sister has sometimes viewed porn with him - not sure if her parents also know this. Or should I butt out and say kids will be kids, just modern docs and nurses? Honestly not sure. Love to have some advice on this.

When I was 11, we were having a gymnastic lesson, only girls and all quite good friends. One of us blurted out that her older brother had had sex with her. Stupid and naive as we were, we did nit think there was anything wrong with it (in term of abuse) because we were very ignorant of these issues but we told her it was "disgusting" and she must have felt pretty awful and never talked about it again. Now every time I think about it I kick myself for not having done anything about it, I wish I had told my parents about it so they would have known it was abuse and would have taken steps about it. The dad of this girl was a friend of my dad, so very similar situation.

I really would not like to be in your shoes at the moment, but something has to be done. I am actually starting to wonder if you should not go straight to the school Child Protection Officer (in our school it is the head teacher) with your concerns, they will know how to handle it. maybe talking to the parents is not the best solution. I am sorry if I am confusing you more.

The girl is talking about having had sex with her own brother - is that right?

I think that, taken with everything else (obsessive talking about sex, exposure to porn, sexual approaches to other children), is very worrying and I would be asking to see the school's CPO. The sex-with-brother thing has got to be mentioned to the mother and I think I'd find it hard to broach it with her myself.

I do feel for you - hideous situation. But Gorionline's story is pretty salutary, isn't it?

No, not so - I'm talking about the girl telling a story of having done so. I doubt if it's a true story, but I suppose it could be.

I told the mother - I just said the girl had said her brother had shown her porn and that she (the girl) had made some pretty explicit stories/behaviours out of it which had upset my dd. Mother was pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing, but I would have been too. She didn't seem very surprised.

The children are at different schools and they are both indy schools, not sure if there even is a child protection officer, gulp.

They must have one surely, I had to find one when I started a Mother/toddler group in the school hall of the school my children go to, that is actually how I now who the CPO is.

Abby, what a conversation to have to have. I just wanted to say well done. Couldn't have been easy.

Thanks, Smee. Not my most fun phonecall ever, that's for sure.

Am really hoping she can sort it out - would hate to start invoking authority figures, though FWIW the boys' school does have a Child Protection officer. Thanks so much to all of you for your support.

Well done AL. But - sorry - how will you know if she has dealt with the situation? Do you think she will bring it up again?

Sorry to be slow, onebat. I doubt if I will know. I very much doubt if she will mention it. If any more worrying events occur, I may have to take a stronger line and invoke authorities.

Good luck, my dear.