Do I punish dd by not letting her sit on the naughty step?!? its all gone a bit mad...

[somethingsticky]

dd is 2.5. She is an only one and has big sharing issues and tantrums at the drop of a hat. We introduced the naughty step several months ago for things like hitting and very bad behavour when there is no obvious punishment (like object removal) It worked well for the first few months but she is an analytical soul and is now experimenting ALL THE TIME to see what will get her put on the naughty step. She plays at putting her toys on it and is deliberatly naughty then takes herself off to the step.... she is becomming obsessed.

what do I do? if I punish her in another way she just screams "naughty step". if I ignore this she does something that she things will get her on the step...

ds did this too make her look at you whilst you explain what is wrong. Do not turen it in to agame remove toys or give her another place for 'naughty' toys to go.

Can you try having a box for "banned toys"? Goes on top of your wardrobe or something for the day when she's naughty?

One of the women in babyclub actually makes her child throw the toy away (I couldnt do that as eventually I'd have to buy more toys )

I'm not sure if she'll be too young for this, but when ds1 (now 7) is naughty, I make him come and stand next to me for a few minutes. Drives him bonkers as he has to just stand right next to me - no playing and no talking to him/me - I carry on doing whatever I was doing. It calms him down though and means he can't get distracted on the stairs or another room.

def too young to stand with me. she has a very short attention span and would wander off or constantly need reminding to stay and being next to me is in itsself a victory She s a bit of a leg limpet. sometimes.

I try to make her look at me while I tell her what is wrong but its hard as we are both visually impaired and struggle with eye contact. She is genually upset when she goes on the step and says she understands what was wrong and that she's sorry. but then she just obsesses about going back on the step again.

Gothicmama are you saying that I shouldn't remove toys?

having different punishments for different things is obviously confusing but wouldn't useing the naughty step for everything lessen its effect for the big stuff?

difficult one. I have had a similar issue with ds2 - who thought the naughty step was a great game, but then I introduced a time out box for his toy - if he was naughty, he favourite toy went in there for 5 minutes. It still works - maybe worth a try? ot if she is v bright, maybe start some sort of sticker chart where she gains and loses stickers?

SomethingSticky - ALL 2 year olds have sharing problems and tantrums, and issues generally about having no self control, and fighting everything and wanting everything.

It sunds as if your dd has somehow made the naughty step into something that she also feels the need to control.

I have never been a 'naughty step' fan, but I wonder what would happen if you actually stop using the naughty step and just igore her when she behaves in a way you don't like? She is clearly relishing the extra attention fussing about the step is creating! Just say 'Mummy doesn't like hitting / shouting / in a very low-key, factual way and absolutely ignore her for a minute, or two. Turn your back on her, and don't speak.

Blu what happens is an "i want the naughty step" tantrum when this is ignored she sits on the step on her own for a bit, then she comes back and hits me again and asks for the naughty step.... and usually after she pushes me lots she gets me mad and has a spell on the step, gets very upset, we then make friends and everything is Ok for oh anout 5 mins before it all kicks off agian.

I know she's just being 2 but the constant testing is driving me nuts! I work far too much and don't have much time with her and I hate that we spend so much of it battling for control.

I think Blu's right - you have to ignore in this context

I'll give it a go! its got to be better than teh current step obsession...

Yes, if she sits on the step just casually let her get on with it. Then if she comes and hits you again (this is SO about ramping up the attention!) then ignore...also take no notice if she sits on the step, and if she hits you again just say , low key, no, I don't like hitting, and turn away from her. Then give lots of attention the minute she behaves nicely.

IMO toddlers are barely deterred by 'punishments' like naughty step - they are progammed to be undeterred, because they are still at a stage of development where everything is either very hard for them (they fail at things at first attempt and must keep going) - or is actually painful. If a toddler was deterred by unpleasant things (like falling down and bashing themselves), they would not be able to learn to walk! But they thrive on attention - so withdrawing it over antics around the step, and ignoring her when she acts up MIGHT work! You'll probably need to keep it up f a few days, though!

Good luck!

I've stopped using all 'time-out' type things since reading 'How to Talk So Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk' and 'Unconditional Parenting' (that one's quite extreme and I couldn't be that 'unconditional' but it's interesting). Timeout/naughty step didn't work in the long term.
The tantrums have dropped significantly and it's far more pleasant for all concerned!
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.