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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

6 Year old doesnt play - any tips

19 replies

luckyJess · 15/02/2009 21:30

My Ds has always needed lots of attention, even as a baby. He has never been one to play alone, but it is really starting to become an issue now he is getting older.

I hear of his friends playing in the bedrooms on their own, making up games or looking at books. My DS cannot managed more than a minute alone in his room before he says he bored. He has plenty of toys, books etc but just not bothered with any of them.

Of course i do play with him. We often play board games, top trumps etc, and he loves listening to stories. I have tried setting him up with something like playmobil, spending 15 minutes playing with him, but the minute I say i have to go and make dinner etc, he stops playing.

I feel he has no imagination .

He has a Nintendo DS which he would happily play all day (which of course i dont allow). But this isnt the cause of the issue as he has only recently got the DS.

He is popular at school and i know he is quite happy to imagiative games their, as he is if he has a friend to play.

Any one else got simialar DCs? Any tips would greatly appriciated.

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BoysAreLikeZombies · 15/02/2009 21:32

has he any lego ?

Original poster

luckyJess · 15/02/2009 21:34

Yes he has a box of lego and starwars lego.

OP posts:

Original poster

luckyJess · 15/02/2009 21:39

He enjoys lego...but only if he has someone to play it with him.

OP posts:

savoycabbage · 15/02/2009 21:40

My dd is 5 and I feel like she has no imagination. She has lots of toys. Lego, playmobil, farm, train set etc and can play happily with someone else leading but can't seem to think of what to do by herself. My dd2 is 2 now and she seems to take charge in imagnative games

My dd1 likes to draw, glue, sing, dance etc and I just let her do these things instead of play with the farm etc. She got a massive playmobil princess castle for Christmas and I wouldn't say that she doesn't like it. She just doesn't really get it. My dh hasn't got much imagination and he says that he didn't play like that as a child. We don't really worry about it now, we just let her do the thongs that she does like to do. I think that it is just the way she is. I know what you mean about other children playing for hours though!

Original poster

luckyJess · 15/02/2009 21:46

He sounds very similar to you DD Savoy. He also loves drawing and dancing etc.

I also have a 2 yr old DD Who is always playing make believe games.

OP posts:

Lilyloo · 15/02/2009 21:50

My ds 7 is the same he hardly ever spends anytime in his room other than sleeping.
He would happily if left watch tv / play wii if left to it.

DD 4 will play all day and she often initiates games for ds or he will go and join her.

He has lego , knex , figures etc he may occasionally play with these for 5-10 mins.

However he will kick a ball happily for hours up and down the front room.

Will be watching for any tips.

fridayatlast · 16/02/2009 13:31

Another one here! DS is 7 and has never been able to play by himself.

Strangely enough he has a great imagination and if I played with him he would spend hours playing 'make believe', he just won't do it alone.

It makes me really sad as I feel he's missing out on his childhood ? when I stop playing and get on with other stuff he stops too and follows me round listlessly, for hours sometimes.

It's so frustrating/sad when I look at all his toys and think of the fun he could have.

piscesmoon · 16/02/2009 13:50

The best thing that you can do for them is give them time to be bored. I have always told mine that mothers are a lot of things but I am not their entertainments manager!
I have other sayings-'only boring people get bored'- I wish that I had the time to be bored' etc.
Of course I do things with them-but not all the time!
If they are not used to playing by themselves it will take longer. I would make it quite plain that for a certain time (start with short times)they are going to have to amuse themselves, without the TV or computers etc-and then ignore them completely until the time is up. If they really whine and moan so that you can't stand it give them some housework to do!

Lilyloo · 16/02/2009 13:53

Pisces

piscesmoon · 16/02/2009 14:09

Mentioning that they can tidy their bedroom, dust the lounge or empty the dishwasher generally causes them to melt away and find something to do!

fridayatlast · 16/02/2009 17:06

Pisces - I have just used your 'entertainments manager' line.

I think your strategy is right, I don't know what else would work, but I have been trying it since DS was 3 (when I realised his inability to amuse himself was becoming an issue). Now, at 7, he is still not much better. I think I started too late.

He seems to take being told to go and play as a punishment. DS2 (6 months) is better at amusing himself!

piscesmoon · 16/02/2009 17:36

I should get a timer, fridayatlast,and set it for short periods (to start with just 10 minutes)and tell him that if he manages to play on his own you will do something with him. Since he isn't used to it you could start by making a list of the sort of things he might like to do on his own.

MilaMae · 16/02/2009 20:16

Some children simply don't like playing with toys,why should they. Kids have many different personalities so like different things.

My ds is a twin with a sister a year younger so I have 3 practically the same age. 2 love toys, 1 doesn't, he sounds very like the op's son but is 5. He'll play make believe games(cafes today) with his siblings all afternoon,can read fluently and loves computers even though we let him go on ours once in a blue moon,also enjoys a bit of sticking and adores listening to CDs. He's also popular at school.

We have no screen toys(eg a DS) at all. We have a house full of the most lovely good quality toys most of which he's never touched. They are all given plenty of time to be bored, believe me it makes no difference what so ever. It's like watching an adult with a house of toys-lovely but I don't want to sit and play with them.

I've given up trying to force him to play with toys as I now feel it's not fair. My father was apparantly the same and has done well in life so I've decided not to worry but to find things HE finds interesting. I'm now considering a DS for his 6th bday even though I'm totally against them. It's something he would enjoy and when I think of all the other things he does I'm just starting to think why on earth not. The other 2 have things that interest them so why shouldn't he.

I'd relax and take the lead from him,talk about what he finds interesting and take it from there. Ds had a drawing projector from ELC for Xmas after we had one of these discussions and he loves it,the other 2 don't get the point of it but he does.

Yes my ds is void of an imagination like my father who has never read a novel in his life but he has many other gifts I'm proud of eg his reading,his computer skills,dance moves etc. Life would be boring if we were all the same.

It is frustrating as I spent my whole childhood in an imaginary world but I didn't have half his confidence or ability in other things. I just get my Playmobil and dolly fix from the other 2. I'm an ex primary teacher and have taught several classes of 5 year olds,when given choosing time they all tend to go for different things. Some used to spend time after time on the writing table, some practically moved into the home corner-it takes all sorts.

eyeeye · 16/02/2009 20:20

Take away 95% their toys. Let them be bored. It is from boredom that children develop imagination.

Too many toys and too much attention leads to this problem. Box them all up and put them in the attic / cellar / garage.

And then just ignore them.

piscesmoon · 16/02/2009 20:42

Sorry-I should have said that it doesn't have to be toys! As MilaMae says-they are all different. They won't work out what interests them if they don't get chance to be bored.

BusyBeeWithThree · 16/02/2009 20:52

It is so funny that you posted this today as I have just announced to my 2ds that they have no imagination and so TV and the Wii (which is always limited to an hour a day anyway) is going to be off until they start playing. Ds7 only plays with cars and ds4 is not interested in anything unless it makes a noise and has batteries in it. Drives me mad!!! I was thinking I was a bad mother as I am always busy and never just play with them. I feel a better mother now!!!!

KTNoo · 18/02/2009 17:51

I started a similar thread recently about my dd age 7 who seems to need lots of structure and gets bored really easily. I got lots of suggestions for how to occupy her such as getting her to make a list of possible things she could do that day (she liked that one).

I'd be interested to hear more about the "letting them be bored" idea. I have always tried to do this as I want her to develop her imagination, but not much luck really - she just kind of hangs next to me waiting to be told the next thing to do. I have 2 younger dc so it's not like she's had my constant attention either.

Original poster

luckyJess · 18/02/2009 21:24

Thank you all for the great advice and it makes me feel much better knowing i am not the only one with a DC like this.

Well, we had a morning at home yesterday. He asked to play his DS. I said he couldnt and he would just have to find something to do. He threw a hissy fit, which i ignored completly, and then he dissapeared to his room and built a lego spaceship .

I was amazed. It made all the difference that I felt ok about allowing him the be bored.

Long may the boredom continue .

OP posts:

KTNoo · 19/02/2009 16:56

Well done! My dd just went and wrote a list when I ignored her, and at the bottom wrote "Don't annoy mummy."

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