Problems with toddler whilst trying to breastfeed baby

[RebeccaandOllie]

Hello!
I wondered if anyone had any tips on the below problem as I am sure it is quite a common one and we are quite desperate!!!
We have a son, who has just turned two and a newborn baby. As we expected our son is quite jealous of the newborn but we can keep this at bay most of the time apart from when I am breastfeeding. If he sees me feeding the baby he turns quite aggressive and tries to hit/bite/pinch her. We have tried explaining what I am doing and telling him I used to feed him as a baby, we have also tried distracting him, reading to him at same time and putting on the TV. None of these seem to work. I also make sure that I spend as much one on one time with him as I can. Has anyone else experienced this? If so any advice would be really appreciated as well as an idea of how long this situation lasted!?! Am hoping he will grow out of it!! I am finding it so stressful dealing with a newborn and trying to keep him happy too. I really dont want to turn to the bottle but if this carries on I am worried I will have to.
Thanks for any help! Rebecca

We had some issues of this sort. A LOT of it was just boredom and I found that by getting out of the house as much as possible DS1 behaviour and jealousy improved hugely. I don't know how you feel about this but I offered to let DS1 (2.5) have some breast milk direct (he never BF so I didn't think it was likely he would say yes!) and I also expressed some milk into a cup for him, which he enjoyed and occasionally will ask for more. It seemed to help a lot that he could have the same as his younger brother.

We have had no mor jealousy, in fact DS1 now talks about his brother and gives him cuddles etc. We also play up a lot the fact that his younger brother loves him, thinks he is clever etc, and that DS1 can 'stop DS2 crying by singing/holding hands/showing him something.'

A lot of it is just the complicated feelings your older child will have for their younger siblings, and it has to be got through.

what about having a special box of toys he an only play with when you are feeding the baby?
With ds1 &2 I used to sit and read to 1 while feeding the other.

No answers I'm afraid, but I've been there too. I ended up feeling like I was going to lose my temper with the older child and felt so bad for having to physically push her away at a time when she needed extra support too that I ended up having to express for the baby in the daytime and only breast feed her at night when dd1 was asleep. Not ideal, but it was our way around it. For some reason dd1 felt much less threatened by giving dd2 a bottle, probably as it's not so intimate and exclusive, and she was able to help more. Now they are nearly 4 and 18 months and are just starting to play properly together and really enjoy each other's company.

Been there... Tis hard.

I used to keep a box of new/favourite bits and pieces (charity shops great for this), that i only got out at feeding times. I would put them on the floor and talk to him about the toys whilst feeding. I kept saying how good he was being playing nicely. Then when baby had a nap i would suggest we read/draw or some other fave activity as a reward if he'd been good.

Thanks for all the tips! Always reassuring to know that you are not alone! Will definitely be trying some of them out. Keep reminding myself that it will pass in time but its hard!

I have 19 mo between ds1 and 2 and we didn't have this during the day but at bedtime when ds2 was cluster feeding ds1 was out of control, I tried spending one to one with him as much as I could during day but it turned out for us it was bedtime that he found most unsettling as I mainly did it before ds2 arrived, I expressed a bottle for dh to give then I topped ds2 up when had put ds1 down and his behaviour improved.

I also had to learn v quickly how to walk around with ds2 latched on to stop ds1 doing something naughty (climbing bookcase was a fav activity) or demanding potty and wetting deliberately to get attention

hope it gets better soon, I know what you mean tho, feels like forever when you are going thro it!