dd1's food obsessions - should I be 'pandering' to them?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

Dh says no. He wondered why we were having yet another mince meal and I told him that it is dd1's new pancakes/cheesey pasta/burgers.

See the thing is she has real problems eating. She can go for weeks without eating anything substantial. So if she finds a meal that she likes I keep making it.

Last year she was eating panckaes at least two meals a day. After that it was cheesey pasta for dinner every day of the week. Then burgers for lunch every day. Then there was a brief dalliance with chicken. Now it is mince with every meal. She is not bothered what sort of meal, so long as it has mince.

I don't mind because once her obbsession ends it is yet another meal to add to the list of things she will definately eat. But DH thinks that she should be made to eat what we were meant to be having that day. But I tend to decide day to day what we are having anyway.

Depends on her age. If she is a toddler, I would feed her what she wants.

She is five. This has been going on for about three years. She will only eat what is on her list of 'acceptable' foods. Anything else unless she has chosen it specifically from a recipe book and she causes a fuss.

ATM this list includes
Pancakes - served with anything, sweet or savoury
Homemade burgers with salad and coleslaw
Cheesey pasta - with or without broccoli or garlic
Garlic chicken with green veg.
Cereal
Yoghurts
Cheese savoury sandwhiches
Apple pie or cumble.

And now obv mince, whether it be spag bol or mince and dumplings.

Hmm... it's tough if she really won't eat and will half starve herself for weeks.

My normal stance with picky children is that I cook a healthy, varied meal every day, and if they have a genuine dislike of something I'll avoid it (so I make bolognese with carrots and peppers instead of mushroom and onions), but beyond that they can eat it or go hungry, it's up to them.

In your case Seashells, I would probably try to do a meal she would definitely eat 3-4 nights a week and on the other nights cook things other family members like, and pass no comment on what she eats.

I agree with your husband ... to an extent, they have to just get on with it and eat it or leave it. I don't serve food I KNOW they don't like, but I certainly don't only serve food they prefer, either. I think you'd be surprised how little children need to eat to function perfectly well. She's old enough to understand the notionn of taking turns - how about you each take a turn to have the meal YOU want for dinner? So one night in three, you cook a mincy meal, but the next night your dh chooses, and the next night YOU choose (and something YOu genuinely want, not something chosen because you know your daughter likes it)

otherwise (and I know this is a swear word on MN) I think you risk her getting very spoilt.

I can't see anything wrong with that list - plenty of varied stuff there.

However, it does sound like a control thing - and she has got you totally under her control. It's a difficult one, because you must get anxious if she doesn't eat. However, if she's going to start eating at school (is she at school yet?) then she will really have to start eating 'normally'.

I think I'm with your DH and would start to try and ensure that she eats with you/whatever you're eating.

She won't starve, and will eat when she's hungry.

Tell her what's for dinner, so there are no nasty surprises for her when she gets to the table. Serve it up and leave it up to her to eat. Don't pressure her or make any comments about what she is/isn't eating, and at the end of the meal just remove her plate and anything left on it. Again, no comments at all.

If she hasn't eaten it, and then comes and tells you she's hungry later, just point out that she didn't eat her meal. Don't give her anything else to eat until it's time for your next meal.

Does DH cook?
if not, let him cook once a week, his choice, no alternatives offered and see what happens.

hmm, that might be an idea, Coldtits. However this is not just dinner. She is the same with breakfast and lunch.

She really really doesn't eat. To the point where she loses weight. She is not fussy per say. As in she likes all fruit and veg served alone. It's just actual meals that she has problems with.

During the worst times even her prefered meals get left and she eats literally nothing. Not even chocolate can pull her out of one of these phases untill she is ready to start eating again.

She eats 'oven foods' like fishfingers and smiley faces. So if DH decides he fancies curry or something else then the rest of the family have it and the deal is in order to get her fishfingers dd1 has to at least taste what every one is having.

Yes she eats at school. Always cheese savoury sandwhiches with mash potato and sweetcorn. If apple pie is on offer she will have that, otherwise its yoghurt. She rarely tries anything else.

DH has just started cooking, but makes dd1 ommlette if she won't eat what we are having.

You say she loses weight,, but does she lose weight to the point where it is unhealthy or does she simply lose weight? Because it's normal for a child's weight to fluctuate.As for breakfast and lunch, dish up cereal for breakfast and a sandwich and some fruit for lunch (or whatever she normally has) and do this every day. That way you know she will definitly eat 2 meals out of 3. It won't hurt her to skip her dinner.

I think (again, with the honest opinion) that you are focussing far to much on what she does and does not eat. Unless she is clinically underweight, I would genuinely dish up whatever I felt like dishing up, and let her eat it, leave it or scream about it as she chooses.

I think Tankie's idea is good. Then you're compromising with dh/dd and get to cook something different for a few days.

You could do her staples 4 days and something different 3 days.

I cook something I know ds prob won't like once or twice a week (and give him his fave stuff for lunch!!)

Yes she loses weight to the point where it is unhealthy. She starts looking drawn and pale and has limited energy. She has seen a specialist about this in the past as her weight is low as it is. Although atm she is putting on weight. Just after xmas she lost about 2lbs from refusing to eat for about 3 weeks.

Yes she loses weight to the point where it is unhealthy. She starts looking drawn and pale and has limited energy. She has seen a specialist about this in the past as her weight is low as it is. Although atm she is putting on weight. Just after xmas she lost about 2lbs from refusing to eat for about 3 weeks.

Yes she loses weight to the point where it is unhealthy. She starts looking drawn and pale and has limited energy. She has seen a specialist about this in the past as her weight is low as it is. Although atm she is putting on weight. Just after xmas she lost about 2lbs from refusing to eat for about 3 weeks.

It's normal for 5 year olds to choose the same food over and over again, and not to want to vary their diet, by the way.

At age 5, I ate swede and carrot mash, and ketchup sandwiches (no butter). That was IT. And I ate them either in my room or uyp the garden.

What did the specialist say to do about her eating?

I would put money on her growing out of this, tbh, although I can see why it is worrying and frustrating.

I also think, having reflected on my post, that this has probably been going on for too long to expect to change to happen straight away. I'm glad that you're seeing a specialist though - he/she can hopefully give you more specifically relevant advice.

I know it's always very easy to tell someone else what to do!

Her diet doesn't seem too terrible, it's more about control. Lots of children develop control issues over food, because as a 5 year old not feeding is one of the few things you can do which really makes mum and dad sit up and take notice.

Cereal or pancakes for breakfast, cheese sandwiches, fruit and yoghurt for lunch,
burgers and salad, cheesy pasta and broccoli, garlic chicken and something with mince four nights a week and then yours/DH's choice the other three nights.

That's a pretty decent diet and food intake even if she chooses not to eat on the nights when it isn't one of her dinners.

The specailist was more about how to get calories into her. So she merely suggested high calories foods that dd1 should like and ways of adding more calories to foods she already eats.

Then I think that the suggestions that have been made on here about rotating her favourites with some of your own/DH's or new things is probably the way to go. Can you get her interested in cooking? Choosing something to cook from a programme/recipe book might be good. DS2 ate a dish made with lentils and mushrooms (both of which he 'hates') because he had helped to make it!

Refusing to eat for three weeks seems pretty extreme, maybe seeing a psychologist would be a good idea?