What do you expect your just 3 year old to be able to do?

[milkybarsrus]

When I picked DS up from nursery yesterday, they said that now he is 3 (will be 3 this sunday) we expect him to be able to put on his shoes and coat and hat etc, and take himself off to the toilet. I am very happy with the nursery he goes to, but its opened my eyes to the fact that he is still babyish for example, still wears a bib, makes huge mess when eating, doesn't attempt to dress himself, still in nappies, only just got rid of the dreaded dummy, still drinks out of a trainer cup! Some of those things are for my sanity as he is a pickle to say the least and would be forever knocking over food and drinks just to see what mess he makes! He screams getting into the bath, screams getting out of bath! the list goes on and on... so what behaviour do you expect from your 3 year old please? how how do you achieve it?

Well my daughter can dress, feed herself, wash herself, fill her own bath, do her own washing AND decide what she wants to eat.She's also drinking tea like the adults from a mug!! Just learned how to ride a bike without stabilisers too! She's 2.9! Top that. Your child must be very backward.

Thanks for all the posts - so in summary, I should be a little concerned over the nurseries expectation that all kids should do the same at age 3, try not to baby DS so much and show more what I expect of him.? And to Steviesgirl, you are wrong, he is not 'backward', but thanks, it always helps with comments like that!

My DD will be 3 next month. She has a very indepndent nature...she is vey keen to do things for herself. But only the things she is phsically able to do.

At the moment she just inst coordinated enough to dress herself (even coats and shoes) And she has only just started trying to pull her own tousers up after using the toilet.

My son (6), has a less independent nature and i worried at the time at what he should be doing. But now he is perfectly able to do all the things he should.

As OP have said the nursery are wrong to say this, each child is different.

my charge is 3.5

at 3 he could
put on coat (not do it up)
put on wellies
undress easily (can dress himself completley now but not sure he could on 3rd birthday)
was potty trained, and used loo independnantly, just needing help to wipe bum
drink from a cup
use a childrens sized knife fork and spoon to eat off a plate (no bib, nit needed). (diesnt use fingers... not allowed (I cut things up for him though)
when he comes in he takes off his shoes and puts them on shoe rack
takes off coat and pass to me to hang on hooks he cant reach
takes off hat scarf and gloves and puts them all in his hat to keep them safe and together

i think its very easy to baby children too much and when encouraged children can actually do a LOT of things for themselves.

His nursaray expect him to be able to put on his shoes / collect his luch box etc too

He also knows all his letters and there sounds and knows what any word begins with (excpet those with silent letters eg 'who'

can count reliably to 29... knows about numbers up to 100, though makes mistakes, ie last week he saw 57 on the heinz ketchup and said look its 75.
he can add numbers where the total is no more than 10

Can recognise his name and his brothers name

i think steviesgirl was joking...

they all learn to do stuff at different rates and nurseries should know this...dd is 2.9 and a real messy eater (tries to stuff too much in at once) so she still wears a bib. Can't get near her with a hairbrush. Recently learned to put on her coat herself and her shoes (velcro fastened). Can go off to the loo on her own but needs help with wiping. Has been ok for a while with an open cup (to start with was just when she was having a meal, so only when sat down at the table) but still uses a trainer cup every now and then eg in the car. Can undress her lower half but not her top half.

i think if you want a 3yr to be able to do things by theirself that you have to teach them at an earlier age, expect a bit of mess (with food, and no lid cups) etc

my 3 was dry during day at 2.6, though is still wet at night at 3.3 - but he sleeps soundly 12/13hrs

he can dress, feed, wipe his own bum, put shoes on and off, coat on and off, dress himself, undress etc - and has since he was about 2.5

i generally teach/allow children to try and eat unadied by 1ish, so by 2 they are usually capable of getting most food in mouths

same with cups, by 18/20mths i will let them have a lidless cup at table when eating, but a lid in bag/car if we are out

tbh most parents dont allow their child to learn/do it as it all takes much longer and gets messy, but that how kids learn

also think having a nanny makes a child more independant as again children often do for their nanny what they wont for their parents

therefore we know that they can dress, feed, wipe their bum etc yet often see the parents doing it for them

My dd2 will be 4 in April and still can't get herself dressed or put coat or shoes on (except wellies) . Last time she put her coat on it was upside down. I try to encourage her but we're usually in a hurry so it's quicker for me to do it. Now I'm telling her she has to practise doing it unaided so she'll be ready for school in Sept.

At only just 3, it's not really fair to assume a child will be able to do this though. It's fine for the nursery to encourage independence, but they should be willing to help those who need it.

Message withdrawn

gecko was 2 at the weekend
she can put her own clothes on including tights but gets tops the wrong way round

takes clothes off

cant do buttons

is dry and clean

BUT all children are different and the nursery should not be pushing him/you to do what he is not ready to do

Message withdrawn

I think that having a cut off age of 3 years old to be able to do all these things is very unrealistic. It really is so individual, they can't concentrate on everything at once and they all have different things they want to master, perhaps influenced by their personality as well as their environment/parents.

I don't think it really matters what anyone else's child can do. Who do you know who has grown up unable to drink from a cup, put on their clothes or still wears a bib? It is not a race or a competition, it is just a normal range of development.