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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Getting 2 year old to sleep in own bed.

23 replies

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 21:51

I have posted something about getting my dd into her own bed before & need some advice.

I have had Hv to do 2 yr check and talk about sleeping arrangements.

I tryed to put dd in bed n put her back everytime she got out of bed put he back when i go back to her she runs back to her bed but she ran into the chimney breast and i didnt do it again because i felt so awful.

I am now going to start again as i am wanting to try for another baby and do not want dd in my room and want her to just stay in bed on her own. Should i leave her to cry for (say) 5 mins then go back up and put her in bed and tell her its bedtime and i love her or is there another way!

Please really need to get her to sleep on her own and not want someone to sleep with her or some into my bed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2009 22:00

we did rapid return with ds1. if he started to return to bed by himself I would just let him get back in.

i did it for 2 hours one night before screaming at him and sobbing

anyway, it stuck eventually, and mostly no screaming or crying from either of us

sep1712 · 11/02/2009 22:04

My dd is 2yrs 2mths so i have this to look forward to very soon. I do hate it when there in a big bed! I'm keeping her in the cot for as long as possiable.

With the older two i put a stair gate over the door and was firm from the begining. I put them in bed after a story, tucked them in and said good night. I wouldn't go back up unless they were really really upset. I can remember crying at the bottom of the stairs whilst DS was upstairs behind the stair gate. It was the first night and lasted till midnight. Found him fast asleep against the gate! The next night he just went straight to sleep. No problem with sleep with any of mine but thats proberbly because i sleep so heavy i don't hear them.

Hope this helps good luck.

Stitchwort · 11/02/2009 22:07

We play music for DS when he goes to bed, it was lullabies but he got 'In The Night Garden' CD for Christmas and he loves listening to this as he goes to sleep.

Just an idea

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 22:10

I have a stairgate over the top of the stairs and she goes back into her bed and tonight she cried for about 20 mins and then got back into bed - she is fast asleep now.
The HV said i could keep letting her cry and carry on with her reward chart. I just wondered if leaving wouldnt make her scared to go into bed and the crying before i leave her will stop! When i asked the hv she said would get over it and will eventually go to bed no problem.

It is my fault why she is like this becuase she was a good sleeper and liked her own bed and i had her in a good routine and i took her out of! Something i will never do again.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2009 22:12

you could do a kind of gradual withdrawal?
I don't leave my kids to cry if I can help it, becuase I think it means they need me, and that's fine (if a little tiring at times!)

so perhaps if you get her used to falling asleep with you in the room, then gradually get further and further away, then be just at the door, then just outside the door and see how you go?

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 22:18

I tryed this and she comes up to me and prods me or hits me on the back - just to get my attention. No matter what i do she cries unless i am in the bed with her and she still gets up in the night when she realises i am not there. I hate leaving her to cry butit seems that she everything i do she is going to cry.

So i will try sitting a little bit away from her bed and wait for her to fall asleep and then the next night move a little closer to the door.
She also wont play on her own and she will follow me everywere at home.

OP posts:

sep1712 · 11/02/2009 22:30

If she learns that she goes to sleep on her own now, its a lesson for life.
If she falls to sleep with you there then wakes, she'll expect you to still be there.
I'm not sure whats wrong with letting a child cry if there not in pain etc and just trying to get your attention. Surely your giving them attention for something you don't want them to do?
Don't feel guilty about taking her out of her routine, life happens sometimes things get in the way.
I'm sure your a great mum, otherwise you wouldn't be on here looking for help.
Keep going, this time next week you'll be wondering what you were worrying about.

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 22:40

Thanx sep1712. So do you think i should just leave her to cry. I tell her on the morning that she is a very good girl for sleeping in her bed and give her sticker.

My HV also said if she comes in my room in the middle of the night then send her back to bed and start the whole thing again.

OP posts:

sep1712 · 11/02/2009 22:54

Your HV is right. You have to be consistant with her, like the rest of the day. Your doing it just as it should be done, Lots of praise and bigging up the "big girls bed",but to be firm as to what you expect.
I was always sleeping with my mum/sister when i was growing up and haven't been single since i left home. Not sure what i'd do if dh left! I'd have to get a dog! Kids will only sleep on there own now. They won't even come in in the morning without an invite as i am so vile when woken!

The stair gate over her door (or yours ha ha) will stop her waking you in the night. I'm also a great believer of no toys in the bedrooms. They just have books and a teddy each. A bedroom is for sleeping not playing.

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 23:00

I have just read so many things about how awful people are leaving there kids to cry and how it will damage them. I dont want to damage her. I think getting her in her own room will also stop her from being so clingy too!

OP posts:

sep1712 · 11/02/2009 23:09

How many children have you got?
I cuddle my tribe lots and tell them i love them. I have always worked part time at funny hours so i think there are use to mummy not always being there but have daddy, granny nanny etc. There all happy to be left and are not really clingy. They understand they have to share me though not always happy about it, esp when there all ill and want a cuddle.

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 23:15

Just the one putting going to ttc. I work full time and its only recently shes started being really funny! The sleeping has been like this for a long time though!
I am happier now that i know its not all bad leaving her to cry.
How many have you got?

OP posts:

sep1712 · 11/02/2009 23:21

I have three, 2 boys and 1 girl, have a look at my profile if you like.

Really don't feel guilty about leaving her to cry. Don't let her get to the coughing/sicky stage though. Just go in and remind her its bed and sleep time, kiss her, tell her where you are and that you love her. Put her into bed and leave.

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 23:26

She never gets to that stage but usually throws her dummy over the gate! Screams and shouts daddy - he does whatever she wants!
Thats another thing i dont like is her dummy but one thing at a time!

OP posts:

sep1712 · 11/02/2009 23:29

You could do both at once, one lot of crying? if your bothered by it. If she only has it in bed i'd leave her with her bit of comfort. Daddy must do exactly the same as you day and night or it won't work.

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 23:34

He didnt before thats why it has never worked but he has promised that he will and he has been ok tonight.

Is it all girls that have there dads wrapped round there little fingers?

Thanx for the advice. Nice to talk to someone about it.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 11/02/2009 23:38

Definitely do gradual withdrawal. If you can do this without her crying then that's better surely?

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 23:43

Hi nappyaddict. Thats the problem no matter what i do she cries.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 11/02/2009 23:49

Even if she lie next to her bed and stroke her/cuddle her?

Original poster

inthemaking · 11/02/2009 23:56

As soon as she realises i am not there she starts crying. I have been doing this for a few months - sitting with her. I would love to stay next to her and for her to stay there all night but thats not whats happening. I am going to get her one of them night lights that turn into a torch to see if that will help keep her in her room. The nightlight she has now is rubbish.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 12/02/2009 00:08

don't get the thomas one it hardly shows any light. the white ITNG one is best.

Original poster

inthemaking · 12/02/2009 21:14

ok thanx. I will probs be back when it has worked (hopefully)

OP posts:

sep1712 · 12/02/2009 22:29

good luck in the making

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