extreme frustration/ speech delay

[babylily]

hi,
don't know if my title means me or her...
DD2 (2yr 6 mnth) has delayed speech and has just started therapy. We have been signing since she was tiny (but she only uses a couple of signs) and she has around 5 words at any given time (she seems to lose words)
she suffers from extreme and violent tantrums and always has done and we think it is caused by frustration at her inability to communicate her needs. i cannot connect with her at all when she is screaming - although we know she is not on the autistic spectrum when she is in a screaming or grunting fit she won't make eye contact or respond to anything(today she just whined all day...and i mean all day but some days she can be completely silent)
SALT sent us to GP for hearing test (DD dribbles constantly and always heavily breathes through her mouth) and also to check out her fixations on certain things and routines...GP said would note it on file but can see no need for anything to be done on either...and hearing test is un-necessary despite her also having a pretty clear speech impediment when pronouncing the few words she does have.
Feel horrendous because i took redundancy in order to spend time with DD and now i am desperate for some time off from her!
anyone with any experience of this please help! SALT suggested she needs time out from me too - as time at nursery/pre-school on her own may encourage her to communicate... but nursery is 45 a day and we can't get her into preschool for another year due to shortage in spaces.
sure i will feel better just to have put this down. feel so guilty at being unhappy when she really can't help being the way she is.

babylily,

I would post this in specialneeds topic if you can (don't know if you can copy and repost).The ladies over there would be really helpful.

Hope someone will be along to help you more.

does she relate to pictures at all? (just wondered, though I'm sure you have tried everything)

AFAIK you can apply for a pre-school place for her early, a child in my ds2's class got in at 2.7 because of language difficulties - he made fantastic progress. Do you have a local resource centre for children with 'additional needs' - even a sure start centre? I wonder if these would be the places to start.

dont know if these ramblings are of any use - if they're not then at least this is another BUMP

My eldest son was VERY frustrated because we couldn't meet his needs. He does have autism though. Actually, both of them do, but ds2 never cared enough to get frustrated.

ds1 got into rages when we failed to understand what it was he needed us to get or do. He didn't really talk at all (apart from small number of single words to communicate most basic needs) until well after age 5. We found that the tantrums decreased as his vocabulary increased, so definate link there.

with ds2, he didn't talk, not because he couldn't but because he didn't want to, so he didn't find it very frustrating at all

So yes, if she WANTS to get her message across but can't then she must be tearing her hair out!!

I knew a woman who had a daughter with speech delay. Well, she spoke nonsense. Garbled. Displayed a LOT of frustration. In later years, after lots of salt, etc, she was able to talk and said about that period that she THOUGHT she was talking normally! In her head, the words were fine, but somewhere bewtween brain and mouth, they got garbled. This drove her NUTS as a youngster, because as far as she knew, she was TALKING and she couldn't understand why people didn't understand her.

It's always good to have an extra hearing test, just to be on the safe side...Your SLT should be able to make the referral herself. Has she given you any general advice RE: encouraging single word development/ reducing frustration?

There are a few tricks that all parents can use to encourage word use. It seems as though your SLT wants to explore all avenues. It might be worth persuing the referrals with your GP, even if just to rule everything out.

Does your DD have frequent head colds/glue ear? Is she a dummy user?

Sorry, long reply, but am an SLT, so might be able to offer some advice.

Thankyou all for such quick and thoughtful replies.
We have tried to use picture boards to help her identify what she wanted, but it seemed that it couldn't be specific enough for her (she didn't just want 'drink' she wanted a drink of milk in the blue cup with a pink straw and nothing else would do!) We are being given a velcro board with simple activities pictures to try and help her identify her needs les specifically (as i understand it...i think)
We have really been working on the strategies the SLT gave us to encourage speech..but she will just point or grunt even when it is a sound i know she can do (she exercises a huge amount of control for someone so small). I know she understands completely which makes it all the more frustrating for me...(i tell her to cheer when she sees a bus and she says 'yaaay')
She has constant colds but has never had an ear infection and we took away the dummy before she was 2.

you must be having a really hard time..

id suggest you go back to your gp and follow up those referrals...or to the SLT and get her to do it.(i know you must be shattered)

i dont know what your gp is thinking really,but your slt will need the answers to those queries in order to properly help your dd's communication...so a note on the file is tantamount to nothing!

part of me wants to say 'give yourself a break'...dont try and make her speak!

do you know what she enjoys doing? (prob a bit of a tricky question given you are feeling low) music? swings? ...for both your sanities (?)have some down time.

oh goodness, i recognise that "a drink of milk in the blue cup with a pink straw and nothing else would do!" thing... (work thing, I'm a sen teacher) I do spend an unreasonable amount of my working life 'personalising' boardmaker symbols - like colouring the juice in the glass in the 'right' colours, likewise cups, jumpers, you name it - lol.
It sounds really frustrating, you obviously are fantastically in tune with her and you are giving her every chance possible. hopefully the SLT programmes will help. Again, hope I'm not doing the 'teaching grandmothers/eggs' thing, but with youngsters with frustration over communication of what they want, we introduce clear routines (frameworks) to help them to make choices and express things [if this in any way conflicts with what you have been advised in person, please ignore!!]
we offer them a choice of two, maximum three things at a time - always of the same item - such as a choice of drinks. once that has been selected and put on the tray that makes it "their own" and thus not going to get changed, taken away or anything, then we can move on to what biscuit or fruit snack they want. again the choice is something like apple, banana, digestive - all shown with the pictures. (personalised as appropriate - lol). That goes on the "mine" tray too, once chosen. then all the choice cards get put into their place (accessible, but put back in their box or book or whatever) and we carry on eating and drinking. Spontaneous conversation, with gesture like pointing, or signs, is responded to as you would to any child who is showing you something, but not too many questions asked.
when the child wants something, they go and get their book - basically as a signal that "I need" something.
And yes, we get through several miles of velcro per day, and quite a mountain of card.
Ours are a bit older than your lo, but as it seems she's bright but just cant get the words out, I wondered if any of this lot might be of some use, now or in the future.

Again, wishing you luck

the sad thing for me is that she is really happiest when she is playing on her own - she gets annoyed when i join in or initiate any activity. she loves walking in the park so we do that every day (rain or shine!)
maybe i'm just worrying needlessly and she just doesn't like us very much.

gigglewitch - really interesting...that sounds like the board our SLT is making for us - I hadn't really appreciated how specific i could make it. Limiting options will definitely be the way to go for us - it might make decisions less complicated for her too (and me).
thankyou for your reply.
will keep all posted!

ok, as sad as it sounds, I can tell you from personal experience that in some ways no communication / your own company is better than difficult communication. I have a speech impairment, nothing huge, but when speech was just plain difficult, I much preferred to play alone than try to be understood. People repeating stuff back to me that was 'wrong' translation of what I'd said was flippin annoying, and i distinctly remember being three years old and thinking "sod it" type stuff. There is every chance that she will just have a slight delay, be storing stuff up and will babble understandable words happily when she is ready. Obviously I did, was a happy and relatively sane teen, and went on to teach - is that in spite of or because of my speech?! well maybe a mad tale like this could give you a quick look at the longer term. I know it is probably the hardest thing in the world, but try to take the pressure off - you and her - and as others have so beautifully said, take some "down time" too.

right - if you want pictures and stuff, this might help

Hi, I just wanted to say that I know a child who is deaf and uses a cochlear implant (not saying that your dd is) and she got a place at nursery at 18 months, five mornings a week. She was given priority as this would help bring on her language. This was in a local authority nursery which is extremely less per session than what you are quoting.

gigglewitch. pictures are fantastic -the level of detail is just what we need i think.
Tomorrow i can see us making our own picture bboard.
thankyou

awwww.... really hope it works for you, wishing you good luck (and a fortune worth of velcro)