Would you fight this battle now?

[Othersideofthechannel]

DD is 4.2 and has been dry at night since she was 2.6

She wouldn't go for a last minute wee when asked at 2.6 and we chose not to force the issue and never have since. We always say 'do you need a wee' and she always says 'no'. She always needs to wee in the night and insists on being accompanied. Fair enough. It's not usually a problem for me.
But about two nights a month it will be at the wrong time in my sleep pattern and I will take 3 hours to fall asleep again. Result: I am short on sleep and grumpy the next day.

I found out recently that when she is with GPs for the night she complies with the last minute wee request and NEVER needs to wee in the night.

I couldn't get back to sleep last night so tonight explained to her how consierate it would be for her to try to wee just before bedtime. She refused and when I insisted she got upset and cross and so did I Anyway, after about five mins of her being very cross and me holding the toilet door shut so she couldn't leave, she tried and did wee.

I can't decide what to do if she refuses tomorrow night. I am not in the habit of forcing her to do stuff unless I really feel there is no alternative.

I would try praising her in the morning and explain that she didn't need to get up and go to the toilet (if that's what she does do!) Then say that if she does it everynight for a week she will get ... whatever is a bribe for her! That way you are still reinforcing what you want without the guilt and that you felt tonight.

Message withdrawn

just another thought that might work...

ds1 is 4, and now takes himself off to the loo in the night by himself.
we make sure his toilet seat and stool are there if he needs them. and I am getting one of thowse little LED stick on lights to put on the wall (cos he can't reach the light pull). you just press them and they come on.
we ahve a nightlight on the landing.

perhaps if she won't do the last-minute wee then you could work on her just taking herself to the toilet and then back to bed?

Thanks

We don't do 'rewards'.

Pitchounette, you are right. I should have done the problem solving thing today. I went about it totally the wrong way. I shouldn't have left it until a day when I was short on sleep. It is so much harder for me not to be controlling and authoritative when I am tired.

osotc you an alfie kohn fan too?

We "didn't do rewards" until we were desperately trying to solve a night wetting problem with a 7yr old.

That was the one & only time we made a "reward chart" and all rewards were subject based - like a pair of new pyjamas and ended with a sleepover for his friends.

Maybe as this is not so much a "behaviour" issue as an "achievement" thing (managing to not disturn you at night) you could re-think, and if she does a whole week, you will feel so great you could ALL celebrate with a day out/trip to park , and then she see's how you all benefit.

Just a thought.

Yes.

me too, and I always get strange looks if I mention no rewards and stuff.
strangely few here on mumsnet too... unless they're all hiding

I think Pitchounette is too.

maybe I just need to look harder then lol

There are a few AK fans here. An AK related thread pops up now and then but not very often.

Message withdrawn

hmm which reminds me, there is something related I was going to post about so look out for it lol, esp if you have school-age children

IIRC the following mners are:
Juule
FrannyandZooey
Onwardsandupwards

and Moondog isn't!

Message withdrawn

I'm off, need an early night.
Thanks again.

Sorry new to MN in last few weeks, hadn't realised I has stumbled upon (yet another) minefield of 'Parenting' issues with the 'reward' idea. Perhaps there shoud be a list of people with their parenting prefs and we can tailor our advice to this.

It's ok.

In the short term, it would definitely have been better to do something like that then get cross.

We did try reward schemes a couple of times for DS about 2 years ago but they don't seem to work in the long run.