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DD1 lacking in confidence, teacher suggested joining nurture group

9 replies

wishingchair · 10/02/2009 12:46

DD1 has never been super confident but would always join in. She's now 6 and I'd say over the last year it's like she's suddenly become self-conscious so things she would normally have just done, now make her panic and freeze. I talked to the teacher yesterday and she said she thought she would benefit from joining the school's nurture group to boost her confidence which I thought would be a good idea. I've just googled it and a lot of them are set up for children who have had terrible upbringings and haven't developed correct social skills etc. We live in a "nice" area so there isn't a huge amount of social poverty going on and the teacher did stress her recommendation wasn't because she thought there was a problem, but more because she thought it would help her. But it's made me think about (a) how she's going to feel attending this class when no one else is, and (b) what could we be doing to help her.

I was very shy at school and also would freeze if suddenly asked to do something in a group setting (still have very painful memory of being asked to sing on my own during choir practice - eurgh). Other complication is 2 years ago DH was diagnosed with very serious illness, last year was a lot of recovery and building back up to normality. We like to think we shielded the DCs from it but realistically she will have sensed the stress.

Any advice on nurture groups, and just generally how to help my lovely sociable but very self-conscious girl would be most appreciated.

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funnypeculiar · 10/02/2009 12:50

There was a fantastic programme on TV recently about nurture groups - think it was on panorama. The results they had were amazing - I'm very jealous of your school for having one up & running (only in about 5% of UK schools currently, iirc)

The nuture groups were well managed so that the children involved went in & out of class so that they didn't feel they lost contact with their own classes. Could you ask to sit in on a nurture group for an hour or so/talk to the staff about how they would help your dd?

wishingchair · 10/02/2009 12:56

The school is absolutely fantastic - we're really very lucky - and I think it would be great for her. I just panicked slightly about the reasons for them (which are all excellent reasons ... just felt terrible that it was like a class for children of 'bad' parents ).

She's just suddenly become very clingy and wants to be with me all the time so drop-offs have become difficult with tears etc a lot of the time.

I just don't know how to help her other than give her lots of love and support. Anyone got anythign practical!

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wishingchair · 10/02/2009 12:57

Am now just going to see if I can track down the panorama stuff ...

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funnypeculiar · 10/02/2009 13:02

It must have been something other than panorama - googling it isn't showing anything up. Sorry

As I understand it, nurture groups were originally set up to help children who struggle with a classroom setting for whatever reason - whilst that could be due to behavioural issues, it could also be due to finding large groups intimidating.

They also did a lot of joined up work with home - so that there was a lot more home/school dialogue.

LowSlungAndOverhung · 10/02/2009 13:03

Here it is.

The social and emotional aspect of learning is a really hot subject at the moment. Please don't be put off by the 'disruptive' aspect, nurture groups are really useful and give children support and strategies to really flourish.

Does she have little jobs at home, things that she is responsible for? Do you let her do things (even if she makes a mess or it would be quicker to do it yourself) and value her contribution? These are little ways in which you can support her at home. I can get you some links if you like.

wishingchair · 10/02/2009 13:08

Thanks lowslung and funnypeculiar. I do give her jobs at home but not consistently ... your links would be really helpful as I think if I just get organised and officially give her jobs and then encourage and praise her for them it would be a positive step. As it is, I'm constantly chasing her to do this, do that and it must come across as nagging (it certainly feels like it to me) which is so negative.

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LowSlungAndOverhung · 10/02/2009 13:16

First of all, try not to get hung up on blaming yourself. We are all a unique arrangement of character, genes, experience and culture and we all raise our children hoping for the best. Recognising that you can have a great impact on how your daughter sees herself is tremendously important but bear in mind that even confident jolly kids get scolded or hurried by their mums and dads.

You daughter is very young and can easily learn how to see that she isn't alone in feeling worried sometimes and that she can have control over her day to day life. With the school and yourself working together, she will end up having the confidence to take life as it comes, good and bad, to have sympathy for those in the same boat and to know that lots of people care about her.

No blaming allowed!

Can you tell I'm writing an essay?

LowSlungAndOverhung · 10/02/2009 13:28

Some links here

Might be a bit basic.

Some books.

You can also find people who work in nurture groups by googling 'nurture group forums' or 'SEAL forums'.

wishingchair · 10/02/2009 13:30

Thanks ... essay sounds like it is coming on a treat!

I think I just need to slow down a bit. I used to be a lot more laid back when I just had DD1, then you add DD2 into the mix, then you add DH's illness, then school (am I the only one to find school exhausting?!) and I know I've become this highly strung individual. Plus I work from home so don't get out much and let the chores get on top of me.

Time to step back, delegate and relax I think!

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