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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do I force DS1 (8) to join an after school club even though he stubbornly refuses?

10 replies

merlin · 09/02/2009 21:57

He does one activity at mo (swimming) and I think it would be really good for him to do something else as well - preferably a team based thing.

But he just doesn't want to know - not sure if it's shyness, fear of the unknown, not wanting to make a fool of himself - or all of the above! Have tried to get him to go to things before with a friend but he just refuses.

They are starting an Art Club which I know he would love - he is always drawing - but when I told him about it I got the usual answer - NO! Also basketball - which he does in PE and really enjoys - but again NO!

Am tempted to put his name down for the Art Club (it's free ) and see what happens when the day arrives.

Or do I just leave him alone and hope that one day he changes his mind? What would you do? I just worry that he is missing out.

Sorry for the ramble!!!

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Original poster

merlin · 09/02/2009 22:11

anyone got a view?

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 09/02/2009 22:12

I would let him be, encourage and suggest - but let him choose.

Original poster

merlin · 09/02/2009 22:15

Thank you Squirrels. Yes, I tend to agree! After all I can hardly drag him in there can I? Just very frustrating when his friends are all doing things!

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emanon · 09/02/2009 22:17

I have an 8 year old son who is just the same and hates to try anything new. It is very frustrating because very often when he actually does something he enjoys it. At times I do push him into things and at other times I don't feel I should make him. I always read through the list of after school clubs with him and it's always no, no, no. Unfortunately, I don't like trying new things so I think I know where he gets it from. Sorry, probably not a lot of help :-)

ChasingSquirrels · 09/02/2009 22:17

frustrating - yes. But probably more frustrating to be made to do it, when you have been made to be in school all day.
Would he be more interested in something at the weekend?

edam · 09/02/2009 22:21

Squirrels is making sense. Am struck by her point about being forced to be in school all day and then forced into after-school stuff. Has never occurred to me on these threads before but I think she's onto something there.

All you can do is offer him opportunities, you can't make him enjoy things just because you think he should.

Original poster

merlin · 09/02/2009 22:21

Good point - hadn't thought of it like that.

But, have suggested gymnastics, football, beavers - all outside of school - and with friends but the answer is still the same - NO!!

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Original poster

merlin · 09/02/2009 22:22

xPOST - Edam.

Right then, I promise I won't force him. Will make sure he knows what he could do if he wants and leave it at that!

OP posts:

edam · 09/02/2009 22:38

Don't borrow trouble - a couple of years from now he might really get into teams/art/whatever and you'll be constantly ferrying him around/washing kit/finding equipment and look back fondly on these days!

Children need the opportunity to relax and just be (even being bored is good for them). I do think we have all started to get a bit over-enthusiastic wrt after-school stuff.

pointydog · 09/02/2009 22:44

No, of course don't force him. These things are meant to be fun. Let him choose for himself.

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