Hitting! Tips pls of how to deal with a 21 month old who hits whenever she cannot get her own way?

[BlueBumedFly]

My DD is 21 months. She is bright and funny and feisty. This is fine, she has a great sense of humour and is very funny.

However, in the last month as soon as she does not get her own way she lashes out. We do not smack her and never have so it is not a 'learned' habit. It is doing my head in. I know it is the 'toddler way' to run off in the opposite direction when you want them to get in the car, put on shoes, eat lunch etc but the hitting is upsetting me.

How can I deal with it? I really try to get walk away or make her laugh by running around in circles to distract her. However, this does not work when I am trying to get her to stop 'reading' when it is bedtime or when she insists on trying to climb back up the slide at soft play when other kids are hurtling down towards her.

We do have 'time out' but she is pretty young to understand consequence so I am not sure it helps at all.

Help? Please? I don't want a child who hits!!!

Hi Blue

my DD2 is 3 and has done the same since she was about your DD age.

see link www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/684314-5-yr-old-DS-is-driving-me-crazy-Please-help

alot of it is frustration, oh and having the patience of a saint

Thanks MrsP, will check out that thread now!

Have no answers but my 26 month old is going through the same thing too. Like you, we don't hit her, but she seems to hit us whenever she doesn't get her own way. Not sure of the answer - but to say you're not alone!

All of mine have been naughty stepped from age 1. It does work it just takes a lot of persistance,. I find that it helps my stress levels to be able to ignore them for the age related time - its time out for me too! And being ignored is the last reaction they want. Good luck - all things pass.

Thanks Karamazov, hopefully someone will come along that will really help!

KitKat - I agree, it does help to be able to ignore for that minute or two! I always boil the kettle!

I think that I would be able to ignore it better if I did not have to manhandle her out of dangerous situations! When she is standing on her change mat and I am having to do nappy and PJs with her dancing I can cope even if she is trying to hit me in the eye! I can run away yelling to make her laugh when she starts to hit if we are playing. However, avoiding the hands when I am stopping her running underneath a fast moving car or throwing herself back down the steps at softplay is unavoidable. I think if I waited out every nappy change, ever change of clothes etc I would stay in all day and never get to work!! Sometimes you do have to go in and try to avoid the flailing arms but I hate it!!

Kara - sorry, that sounded really rude! And you took the time and trouble to post and all! What I meant is I hope someone can help us both! Sorry, how rude am I??

My DS2 is just the same, he is 20 months.
He also squawks and yells (he doesn't talk really yet) when he doesnt get his way.
I don't really have any answers but I did read on here before that rather than telling off a child who hits it can work to say "nice and gentle" or "gently please" etc instead and stroke their arm softly to illustrate your point.
I try and do this with DS2 and it can help but have to admit I am not very patient.

Pannacotta, I am going to really try this approach. DD can say 'gently' and she does know what it means (she does face 'stroking' to say sorry.

Will try harder!!

And why is their answer to everything 'no!'

I find that showing DS2 how to stroke the cats softly while saying to him to be nice and gentle works - he is very responsive to this.
Trying to get his shoes and coat on - another matter altogether.
Have to admit I resort to bribing him with little animal biscuits in order to get him ready and out of the house! His 4 year old brother is not much better....

Pann - I tried the gently gently approach today when I was trying to prise DD out of her PJs and she was so shocked I was not saying 'don't hit ' don't hit' that she did actually stop! I was also calmer as a result, I am really going to give this a good go! (Plus keep the animal craker biscuits at the ready for really bad days!!)

Thanks!

Hi Blue,

My DD has been doing some of this. She understands the meaning of the words "OW" and "Hurt", so when she hits or pulls hair I firmly take both her hands and I look her in the eyes and quietly say "no" and "it hurts when you hit mummy"or "Ow Mummy" and show her how to stroke instead and say words like "stroke" "gentle". She rarely hits now and has become very gentle, frequently coming up and stroking my face and throwing her arms around me. She still has tantrums about putting shoes on and things like that but I try the same approach.
I think the key is remaining calm and firm and getting them to understand what they are doing.

I do agree minky, I think I just needed reminding, got myself all in a mess with it all. Many thanks xx