i dont intend this to turn into a big debate, DS used a word in school today that he really shouldnt have

[stoppinattwo]

He used the N word ( i cant even type it, i hate the word so much!!) at one of his mates during a footie game....however his mate is white...which says to me he doesnt understand the context of the word.

However, and quite rightly so, he got into deep trouble in school with the supervising teacher.

He is now however sooooo very upset about what happened and says he so didnt know what it meant, he said to me..."mum will you tell me the words Im not supposed to say" "because I dont want to get into any more trouble for saying the wrong thing"

He said "im not a racist mum honestly" ....I can tell he is completely bewildered, wwyd??

Now I cant stop from going through my mind, thank goodness there were not any children in the room that this insult could have applied to because as the teacher warned me there is a no tolerance for racist comments and he could have been out, suspended - and there would have been no way he could have proven that he didnt understand what he was saying.

I think he has learnt a lesson today...but now he wants me to go through ALL the words he is not allowed to use because he is scared he might say something else that will offend.

Your poor ds. He obviously did not understand what it was that he said. How old is he?

how old is he?
I wouldn't be reeling off lists of things he shouldn't say, because tbqh he ought to know that already.

I agree that he clearly didn't know what this particular word meant... i wonder where he picked it up?

he is just 10 humphrey.....really old enough to know better, but then maybe I should have explained better

where had he heard that word in the context of an insult?

My DD sings along when i play CDs in the car and sang very clearly all the lyrics to golddigga but she thought nothing of it...

thisisyesterday....I have no idea where he got it from, I asked him where he heard it and he doesnt know....Im thinking maybe in school from someone else, certainly not at home, maybe on TV?

Try not to get too upset.

You know your child and it seems like he has heard it somewhere in enough context to know it could be classes as an insult but not to know why.

You clearly can't tell him all the words he shouldn't use but how about he just tries not to call anyone any kind of name in an insulting manner.

(Aware she might have just made a hash of that myself.)

BTW I love your optismism that you can choose that this won't be a debate..
do you not know mumsnet has a way of choosing its issues all by itself

pagwatch....you made me smile as i remember my sisters embarrasment as her youngest lad sat in the trolley in the supermarket singing the words to californication at the top of his voice!!

I would just reassure him that it isn't the end of the world tbh. It really isn't. We all say things we don't mean sometimes, just explain this to him. Or get him to tell you words he doesn't understand as they arise.

agree with Nab, meant to put that in my first post.
tell him not to call anyone names and he should be just fine!

pagwatch....I was trying sooo hard not to light the touchpaper .....but i am now sttod at a safe distance with my hard hat on

yes no name calling at all is usually a good start

poor ds, clearly an innocent mistake. He didn't understand the extreme connotations of this word for adults.

I'm quaking because ds (5) read the word 'bastard' on a website about the Tower of London yesterday (homework)! I told him it was a jolly rude nickname for William the Conqueror and if he EVER used it at school he would be sent straight to the head.

edam.....I think your DS is a wonderful reader to even attempt that word at age 5....but i also understand your panick

my DH once told DS1 that he should only use words that he feels comfortable using in front of 'your mother'.
DS1 pointed out that 'his mother' had taught DD bollocks twat and fuck just whilst driving to and from school

Maybe the school could reiterate it all too though wrt peoples feelings and what is offensive and why. It is school after all - a place to learn about such things.

If there is some ignorance of what it means then the school could be helping too, I feel.

I understand other words (ie gay) are often bandied about too at school without children understanding. These things need to be talked about to be understood.

Tsar...yes we had a problem with the word Gay a few years ago " somthing was sooooooooooooo Gay" ....so i sat down with him and explained the meaning of what he was saying and he was shocked....and went and told all his friends what Gay meant .

stoppin - yes, I was impressed, I just wished he could have gone for 'Conqueror' instead!

lol