Please someone come and talk to me about anger in 9yo boys because I very nearly lost it myself today...

[GrimbleTheResourceful]

...and now I feel ashamed and sad.

He just would not get out of my face, despite many calm warnings, and he went on and on and on. In the end I just cried through utter frustration and the effort of not punching him (how shocking that looks written down!).

This happens every couple of days or so. Now I would love to hear it's normal for this age, I'm sure I've heard that somewhere?

How can I teach him ways to calm down? We've talked about breathing and going off to a quiet place, lots of stuff like that, but when he's "in the moment" he's like a terrier on a trouser leg, he will not let it go.

Can you take yourself into a quiet place, walk away from him, make yourself a cup of tea, anything to take the heat out of the confrontation.

Also even older children not just preschoolers need to burn their excess energy off - a run in the park, swimming or football lessons.

Karate teaches about self control and self discipline - might this be a way for you to help him help himself (sorry for hideous sentence structure)

Hi, i know exactly what you mean, i have a 12 year old who loves to argue just for the sake of it, he would argue black was white rather than agree. Its kinda like he wants a reaction.

Firstly i refuse to argue with him or enter into a debate with him, because he just wont let it go, you cant explain or discuss with him.

I have a 9 year old the same. We had a long conversation the other day about how .... when she is in a screaming kicking hitting temper and I walk away .... she should let me ... for her own safety. I think the message may have sunk in, but we'll see at the next outburst. Saw GP about something else recently and he thinks she's hormonal

That is exactly the problem I had with DS1 (still have it at 13 to some extent). He just could not switch off and would follow me around, block my attempt to withdraw. I sometimes sat in the bathroom with iPod on.

I think the only thing to do is to say what needs to be said to him once and then refuse to repeat or negotiate. Hide if you can, but if he makes that impossible just stand there and weather the storm. Just say nothing at all. Much easier said than done though.

And when it is all over, if possible have a bit of a debrief with him. I usually found that once the rampaging had stopped DS found it entirely easy to see that he'd been unreasonably, even though during the rampage he had been genuinely blind to all reasoning.

I wouldn't say it was normal for age -- I'd say it was one of several ways of being more-or-less normal.

DS2 is utterly different. UTTERLY!

no what you mean ds nearly 12 dd nearly 10. oh the testosterone and the hormones and i kno it will only get worse!ds just wants to row sometimes and is quite scarey as he as tall as me and dh away alot. wot do you do if they absolutely refuse to do as you ask. i think walking away is a good idea

We have been through similar with my ds when he was just turning 9. I think its something to do with a surge of hormones around that age. I just didn't recognise him, it was like living with a stroppy teenager.

I also noticed at that time he was starting to sweat which made me wonder if it was a hormonal thing.

It was a horrible time as he would lash out and his temper was terrible. He's really calmed down now.

My ds1 (9) is an angry young man.
Better when he is in a phase where he draws, or plays with figures. Some kind of mental outlet.
It is so hard.
Oh, and laughing helps - funny books or programmes, seems to release something.

yes 9 is a trying time for boys they do get a 'surge' at that age but are emotionally too young to deal with it.

Are you feeling a bit better now Grimble?

Just sent my 9 year old ds to his room...

Yes, thanks claw.

We were out in our little seaside town during this latest outburst, and despite my best efforts I couldn't walk away from him, he just kept coming at me. Not physically, just shouting in my face.

I stayed super-calm and kept telling him to move away from me. I think it was the sheer effort of staying calm and suppressing my own anger, nay fury, that made me cry.I don't like him to think that he made me cry.

You shouldnt feel ashamed, kids can test the patience of a Saint.

Did you strangle him once you got him home!!