DS1 won't settle at mealtime to eat his dinner but is constantly up and down. Any advice desperately needed!

[Sails]

Originally posted this on aibu yesterday but didn't get much response felt this would be a more appropriate place. I am eight weeks pregnant on Saturday with dc3. I am underweight with a bmi of 16.5. Midwife cant believe I managed to conceive with such a low bmi - neither can I the babys a total shock. I never weighed this little in my life. Sorry the poor english I'm tired!! ANyway every meal times the same. DS1 aged 3 is up and down I want your food (always exactly the same)he nicks the food of my plate, I want a wee wee (rarely does) I want a poo poo (never does) I want milk/juice/water whatever he is not drinking at that time etc etc. My dinner always goes cold and I always ending up leaving it. Dinner gets so prolonged and its not fair on ds2 aged 15 months who is always so good with his eating. Dh is never home on a work day at meal time as he works long hours so I have to deal with this myself. Anyway last night I said to him I am going to eat my dinner and thats it. Ds1 then started to scream and I said I want to finish my dinner tonight even if you dont and thats final. He then proceeded to climb on my lap take food scream cry, hit me over and over tried to pull me away and screamed naughty mummy for saying that and went under the table screaming and crying. Anyway I stuck to my guns and ate most of it in an obviously unpleasant environment. Whats the solution to this? I just don't know what to do!

Get tough with him I'm afraid. He has been given his dinner - that is what he is having, not yours or anyone elses. If he doesn't want it he goes without. He doesn't get down from teh table unless he has finished. If he does get down, clear away so that he knows he won't get anymore. Make sure he has been to teh toilet before sitting down to eat. If you want to, ask him to choose what he wants to drink before the meal, and then make sure he knows taht he has made his choice and he won't be getting anything else. Sounds harsh, and I'm sure it'll be really hard going at first, but I bet he soon gets the message. Good luck - you have to think of yourself (and the baby and DC2)

Agree with seeline, you need to ensure everything is in place before the meal, then let him know how long he has for dinner (perhaps invest it a timer). Tell him when the time is up dinner is over and if he gets down from the table dinner is over. Stick to it, a couple of times of seeing his dinner end up in the bin should do the trick. I had this with ds (4) last year and that is how we tackled it.

Have tried all that and it ends up like last night! I suppose I will just have to persevere with it. The problem is when we are up and down taking him to the toilet I always worry incase he really does need to go boy who cried wolf if you like! Silly really! Tonight is spaghetti bolognese and he always nicks spaghetti off my plate when we have that ditto last nights dumplings ggrr!

Must admit I did throw the dinner away a couple of times in the past(it was a lunch though) and he went absolutely bezerk. Had a tantrum that lasted ages and ages tried to retrieve it from the bin and just went crazy. Have thrown away food genuinely thinking hes finished and hes done exactly the same thing screaming I want it back over and over!

I'd do the toilet/choice of drink before dinner, then when he gets down, ask him if he's finished. And if he says no, then it's back to the table, if yes, say OK, go and play and put his plate on the side. If he protests, give him one chance with it back on the table.

It will be hard going, so make the most of the weekend with your DH there, and keep absolutely consistent

Yes dh will be home at the weekend but will then be away monday to friday next week and the week after. Will def try it though.

ooh i am very big on manners at the dinner table lol so I would be being super strict with this.

take him to the toilet before dinner.
make sure everything he needs is at the table (really just plate of food, drink and cutlery)

then sit down and eat. if he gets down tell him that you will count to 3 and if he is not sitting up and eating then his dinner time is over.

I would absoltuely NOT stand for tantrums, trying to steal food, hitting, screaming etc.

I mean, dealing with the tantrums is probably a whole other thread, so won't go into it here, but we usually take ds1 upstairs to calm down if he has got himself that worked up.

then I would give him one more chance to eat his dinner nicely before removing it completely.
I do tend to keep ds1's and if he says he is hungry later I offer to re-heat it for him.

you need to take care of yourself and make sure you sit and eat your meal with ds2, even if ds1 is playing up.
let him know thast he won't get away with behaving like it.

just one last point... do you think he is feeling left out in any way what with a younger sibling and a new one on the way? perhaps this is his sure-fire way of getting your attention all to himself?
perhaps if ds2 has a nap in the afternoons you could spend some real quality time with ds1 doing whatever he chooses to do?

I agree with the others -you have to be tough. Do a toilet trip first. Don't throw his meal away but put it on the side. Get on with yours and ignore him. If he wants his make him wait until you have finished. Insist that he sits down. He will cry and create-he has been doing it his way and won't like the change. Don't give in.

thisisyesterday he doesn't know about the new baby as its early days especially with my weight issue. I do try and give him individual attention today though he is that warn out from playing in the snow that he has fallen asleep on the settee hence me the laptop!

that should be hence me using the laptop!

bump

just a thought but is he too big to use a high chair, or portable seat or a handbag high chair? this would strap him into seat so he'd have no choice. I'd even say if you aregoing to behave like a baby you will be treated like one and temporarily play his game?

It might work.

Good luck

To be fair ds1 was alot better behaved than normal tonight. I let him choose what juice he wanted before hand, made sure he went to toilet etc. I even got to finish my dinner in relative harmony! However he did keep taking pasta off my plate. When I told him off he said it wasn't me mummy it was the scary dragon rroooaar!! No answer to that is there? Also he did leave most his bolognese just ate the pasta and grated cheese I'd put on top.

wouldn't worry about just eating pasta (that's a battle for another day), although my DD2 who's 3 and half often only has pasta no sauce.

Health visit says not to worry, she's just testing the boundaries.

Can't answer re Mr dinosaur , maybe could have said " well tell mr dinosaur if he continues to eat mummies pasta he won't get a treat tonight"

Play the game he plays and turn it to your advantage.

I'm great at giving the advice but when you in situation I know it's hard to keep patience and remember what we should do.