DS has started hitting me :(

[mindalina]

and I just don't know how to deal with it.

He did it for the first time yesterday. First I told him very calmly to stop, then I ignored him for a bit before telling him to stop again. Then I shouted, ignored him, shouted some more, smacked him, told him to go away Please don't jump on me for smacking him. I always said I'd never do it, and I meant it, and I plan to ensure it never happens again, but he'd be hitting me for more than ten minutes by this point and I'd run out of ideas and was very upset and stressed.

Today when he started I told him calmly to stop, then held his hands away from me while I told him off, as soon as I let go he was hitting me again, I started crying. Pathetic I know. I just can't handle this. I shut myself in the kitchen for a minute while I cried then went and put him in the bath - all seems calm now and he has said he loves me although I have at no point had an apology for the hitting - he thinks it's funny.

He turned two in January.

How do I deal with this effectively? I'm not stupid, I know losing my temper and smacking him won't help, but I couldn't help myself. I'm not a natural at parenting anyway but it's just getting harder and harder and I'm in a such mess about it, am worried I am getting it so so wrong. Any opinions gratefully received - except those who just want to give me a hard time about smacking him - believe you me I am gutted about it and ashamed enough as it is and if you lay into me I will cry lots.

I think it depends why he's hitting. If he's out of control through frustration, that's different to doing it to get a reaction. With either, don't lose your temper if you can help it, as it makes things worse. If he's hitting because he's in an out of control rage, take him somewhere he can't hurt himself and stay near until he's calm enough to hug and talk to about why it happened, but try and hold him off from hitting you. If he's doing it for attention walk away and ignore him. I used to tell mine hitting's not good, then ask him to stop and say if you don't, I'm going and nothing else is going to happen until you've stopped. If he didn't stop, I'd go to my little work space and close the door. I only came out once he'd agreed to stop and say sorry. Worked every time for us.

JodieO, I think you have a point re: making them say sorry, but equally I think if they're doing something deeply unacceptable (hitting), then it's important to insist on a moment of truce and understanding. We found that even if our son was hitting for attention, it still upset him. By having a hug and saying sorry he knew that we still loved him and the moment was over. Does depend on the child though - I agree if they're just saying sorry because they know it gets them out of trouble, it's pointless.

Well already this morning I've fended off one attack with the threatened loss of the Ninky Nonk

He's refusing a nap at the moment, tantrumming like crazy cos he's exhausted after being up from 1am to 4.30 [yawn] and he's just lost tigger for hitting me in the face repeatedly. Bless him he is overtired so I am trying very hard to keep a lid on my temper and be kind but firm mummy. I dunno if it's working tbh, but I feel better than I did yesterday.

Question:

I have confiscated Tigger cos he was to hand when DS was hitting me, HOWEVER, Tigger is in fact a bedtime comfort toy, so I'm sort of thinking I misjudged that a bit as he may struggle to get to sleep. But if I give tigger back before he's napped, I lose any impact that I may have made surely? Any advice welcome...

Next time I will think more carefully about what I'm going to confiscate!

I do half expect DS to apologise - he is capable of saying "I'm sorry" and he has a least a general understanding that it is a way of making things right when you have made someone sad or angry - but I do accept that he is only just two and I don't push for an apology if more than a minute or two has passed as I imagine it's pointless as he will have forgotten why he's supposed to be apologising.

Aw, give Tigger back and give him a hug. If he's that tired it's no wonder he's a bit out of control. I'd say go easy - not that you should accept hitting, but if he's stopped then that's enough surely.

Actually Tigger has just been returned. I thought we'd just completely try again with the nap, so I got some milk and Tigger and asked if he wanted to go to bed, he said yes, so I handed the milk and tigger over when he lay down and for now I've had a whole 45 seconds of quiet If he doesn't go to sleep now I may cry though - I worked 9pm till 1am last night then was up with him till 4.30, he got up around 6 but crawled into bed with me for an hour or two, then i dozed on the sofa until 10ish, and then had about two hours of whining over the nap...

Poor poor you. If he doesn't sleep, stick the tv on and curl up with him on the sofa. You both sound like you need a cosy afternoon. Either that, or stick him in the buggy and get out of the house. I know it's a horrible day, but it might make you both feel a bit fresher.

I agree with not taking a comfort toy away from them, and think it's ok to give that back, if i took my ds cat away from him there would be a melt down! Glad it seems to be working though, keep it up, consistency is very important too.