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Original poster

7 year old dd scared at bedtime - how to help her settle?

12 replies

YohoAhoy · 03/02/2009 23:19

For the past week or so she has been scared going to bed. She had a bad dream a few weeks ago, plus has just got over a nasty chest infection, and the combination has really unsettled her.

She's been up and down several times a night and getting really upset about monsters, bad pictures from her dream in her head, anything really. She's really upset by it - as are we.

We've tried music Cds, gentle story cds, special 'treasures', visualisation techniques, but it doesn't seem to be easing for her.

We're a bit stuck, and would be grateful for any advice or experiences that could help her be comfortable at night time again.

Sorry it's so long, and sorry to post and run as I'm off to bed, but wanted to get this 'out there'

OP posts:
SexyLacyKnickersOnMaHead · 04/02/2009 01:21

bump

Original poster
YohoAhoy · 04/02/2009 07:03

Thanks Knickers

Bumping again on this fine morning.

OP posts:
juuule · 04/02/2009 08:25

Lie with her until she goes to sleep?
Same if she wakes during the night or if you have a camp bed to put in your room for her.

Give her time to feel reassured that
everything is safe.

Does she share a room with a sibling?
If not, maybe that would help.

Original poster
YohoAhoy · 04/02/2009 10:00

Thanks Juule. She does come into us if she wakes in the night, and we do give her lots of reassurance.

We've tried to avoid the staying with her until she goes to sleep - for one thing when we've done it in the past, the excitement of having one of us with her means she stays awake even longer!

Also, I'm not sure if that would help her in the long run? From an early age I had terrible nightmares, and would always go in with my mum, while dad took my bed - this continued well into my teens.

While this was lovely for me at the time, I still have problems with bad dreams/getting spooked in the night, and although it's easier with dh there, I can still find myself lying awake at night pretty much sweating with fear, and unable to do anything for myself to deal with it.

I don't want that for her.

I'm not dismissing the idea out of hand - we will try it again if we need to.

OP posts:
Smee · 04/02/2009 10:47

Why not ask her what would help and help her to find a way through so she feels more in control. Could be more lights (fairy lights are good), or some gentle music that she can listen to as she goes to sleep, or new audio books. I had a 'guard bear' when I was little. It protected me from all sorts and it definitely helped. She needs to know that it's normal to be scared, so tell her that lots of people have such fears and maybe too that it's happening because she's got a great imagination - ie make it a positive rather than all negative. I wouldn't tell her you still get scared, or have such problems. There's a fine balance imo between being sympathetic and fuelling the fire..

motherlovebone · 04/02/2009 11:06

Bach sleep remedy is fab

Original poster
YohoAhoy · 04/02/2009 11:29

Thanks Smee. We have asked, and she's told us several things which we've got - but they don't seem to have any effect once she's actually in bed!

She has a 'magic teddy', dreamcatchers, mine & dh's old teddies, fairy lights and we bought sme new story cds the other day, but even they seem to scare her! (Moomins was one of them!!)

I don't tell her at all about still being scared - we do stress the positives about her imagination, and about how she can get rid of the bad things.

I agree there's a fine line between sympathy and fire-fuelling - the trouble is she is very bright, and knows full well how to use a situation to her advantage .

I'll look at getting some different music, and I will look at the Bach remedy too - thanks motherlovebone.

Anyone know where I can get a magic wand?

OP posts:
Hopeoverexperience · 04/02/2009 11:56

You could possibly try " What to do when you worry too much" by Dawn Huebner.I bought a copy of this from Amazon following a suggestion on another thread - it is a user friendly, child friendly guide to overcoming anxiety & gives helpful strategies. I use it as a talking point with my DD aged nearly 7 who is also anxious going to bed. Just wondering is your DD an only child? I think this is part of our problem as DD possibly feels "left out" when she goes to bed!

Original poster
YohoAhoy · 04/02/2009 14:50

Hope, no we've got ds 9 as well.

I will get that book I think - she has been worried about a few other things lately.

She likes being in control (not that dh & I are anything like that ourselves ) and might find the book helpful.

Thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
YohoAhoy · 05/02/2009 10:41

Yippee - success last night

Lots of cuddles, Mamma Mia soundtrack, Native American chanting and panpipe cds (odd child!), my special bunny and the promise of a Donny Osmond poster (told, you - odd ) did the trick.

She's very pleased with herself, and is much brighter having had enough sleep.

Fingers crossed it continues.

I will still get the book though.

Thanks all for help

OP posts:
MarmadukeScarlet · 05/02/2009 10:45

I was just looking for the link so I could recommend a Dawn H. Book. I have told several folk on here about it!

what to do when you dread your bed

I hope things continue to go well.

Original poster
YohoAhoy · 05/02/2009 14:20

ooh, thanks Marmaduke - will look at that one too.

I'm hopeful we've cracked it this time, but with her imagination I'm sure it will come in handy in future

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