How to deal with screaming rages, throwing toys and pushing brother? Help please

[twosofar]

DS1 is 2.10 and for the last few weeks has been flying into screaming tantrums for the slightest thing (today I took the top of a yoghurt off when he wanted to...cue meltdown). If I tell him he can't do something he wants to do, he will storm off, pick up the nearest toy to hand and chuck it across the room..not at anyone,he just hurls it in rage, often breaking/damaging it in the process. He has also taken to pushing DS2, 16mo, to the ground, if he encroaches on something he is playing with.
I just can't understand it.. 99% of the time he is so loving with his brother..when Daddy gets home from work he has his hug then tells DP to go and hug DS2. He always shares food/drinks with him, and a lot of the time plays nicely with him...just sometimes the red mist descends. Oh and he has started to wet his pants fairly often after being dry for 3.5 months.
There have been a couple of changes in January.. DS1 has left the childminder where DS2 still goes and has started a new nursery (2 days a week) and I took the liberty of going on holiday for a week with 2 friends the second week of January, leaving boys with DP and my mum (whom they adore).
We've all been plagued with colds, coughs and ear infections which has just compounded the misery.
Re the throwing and the pushing I have tried time out, naughty step, taking things away, not alowing a treat he was due etc but it makes sod all difference. He is contrite for 5 minutes but then does the same thing again.
Any thoughts on what I can do, it's really getting me down. Thanks to anyone who replies

sounds like a lot has been happening in his life but i still wouldn't put up with throwing and pushing his brother.

Have you tried reward charts? smiley faces etc for good behavious, sad faces/crosses for bad behaviour. if he get so many smileys a day he gets a little treat. works wonders with my ds (2.9). i think because it's really visual and he can see whether he's been good or naughty.

does he get the toys back that he throws? i'd take them away, at least for the rest of the day.

I put them in the bin in front of him, then take them out when he's not looking. Makes no difference.
Used to have a reward chart when we started potty training but it fell bythe wayside when the novelty wore off. May have to reinstate it with a treat for x number of stickers (he ued to be content with just the stickers themselves... ahh those were the days)

we've just had to reinstate the reward chart for going back to sleep at about 4/5am. it's working a treat he's slept straight the past 3 nights.

It's really tough. By the sounds of it you are doing a tremendous job despite the odds - this wintery weather doesn't help all the bugs / viruses flying around. Sounds all too familiar.... Then we get tired (exhausted) and at the end of our tether. And we're meant to be multi-tasking gurus...somedays we wish we had the energy and patience to cope too. Chin up, Twosofar, you're doing grand.

I found that sometimes saying really gently 'can Mummy help you?' with arms out in an open gesture when DS exploded was really helpful. It sounds as though he has a lot on in his little world and he can't express his frustration.

I did this alongside confiscation as this sometime made the issue worse.

Rewards worked but only when he understood what that actually meant - and even now I'm not sure he really understands the earning rewards element (DS is 3.4yrs).

I'm no expert - maybe he is trying to get attention when he kicks off. If he can have some specific 'DS golden time' per day (15 minutes or more even) to read / play do what he wants in that time) for him with you / and or DH (or both??) that he knows is his and no-one elses - I wonder if that may assist and help to diffuse him.

Good luck and hope things calm down soon.

I forgot to add the change of nursery and a house move etc affected mine terribly and all the progress made in eating / sleeping / behaviour really went backwards (awful!) - it's really disruptive to their security.

I think more reassurance if you can and explain he and the family are safe etc.

Thanks SwissCheese. I forgot to add that I am a freelancer so supposed to be squeezing work into the mayhem as well!! There are just not enough hours in the day...
He does get precious little one to one time with me which is a real shame but it's so hard as he and DS2 nap at the same time and go to bed at the same time. DP often away with work (last Friday to this Weds at the moment) so there's just not enough of me to go around.
I took DS1 to the West End (of London) a few weeks before Christmas and we went on tubes and buses and had lunch together and it was fabulous, he really enjoyed it. Think I need to try something like this again.
The snow has made London grind to a halt and he won't be able to attend nursery tomorrow as I can't get him there, but I will be able to walk DS2 to the childminder so we'll have a Mummy and DS1 day by default... fingers crossed!

Twosofar - sounds like you need a bit of reassurance yourself too! This being ommni competent as a mum / wife / employer / employee / (why we don't wear our pants on the outside or have eight arms -I'll never know!!) is sometimes too much.

Even if you can't have a day or specific time for DS1, perhaps if you do storytime as 'his time' or ask him what bit of the day he enjoyed most at tea time / snack time (??) that may help.

Combining the 'reward' as a 'treat for a trip with Mummy / Daddy' may be an option? To somewhere he likes?

Hope you got to the childminders ok. It's treacherous here too! Thinking of you.