Nail/fingertip/knuckle biting in 4 yr old.

[countingto10]

I posted about this before in child health but got no replies so I thought I would try here

My 4 yr old DS4 started to bite his nails a couple of months ago. This then progressed to fingertip and knuckle biting causing them to bleed. I can't think of anything that would have caused him heightened anxiety. He is the youngest of 4 DSs, 2 of whom are ASD, and live in a busy, chaotic house.

I can't use "Stop n Grow" as it cannot be used on broken skin and he just spits it out and carries on biting

He is a very active, demanding child who is still soiling himself (but that's another story).

If anyone has any ideas why he is doing it to extremes and how to stop, it would be most appreciated.

Thanks.

bumping for you

Have no answers, but by nearly 4 yr old bites her nails too - but not her skin. She doesn't appear concerned about anything. Watching your thread with interest.

Thanks for replying - I may try posting in special needs as I suppose it is a self-harming issue and those good ladies in special needs may have some experience of it.

Countingto10 - your email really struck a chord with me. My DD is nearly five and has over the last two months started self-biting. She has bitten her nails since about the age of 2, but things have recently got much worse. One morning a couple of months ago I was shocked when I went into her bedroom and she showed me her big toe. She had bitten the skin off the tip down to the flesh. When I think back I remember that the night before I told her off as she'd been rude and rejecting of her dad. Now over the last 2 or 3 weeks she has bitten the skin off two or three of her knuckles and started to bite the skin off the tip of one finger.

My DD has been an energetic, independent, demanding child since babyhood. She can also be absolutely adorable, but has always had problems with relationships - always wanting to be the boss and quite controlling. Over the last few months there has been frequent conflict and I've started to think that the self biting is a response to that and perhaps to my parenting style. She has a rebellious streak and wants to be free and reacts against my attempt to rein her in.

The self biting is the one thing that I find very difficult to cope with. It really upsets me to see her sore little fingers and to think that she feels that she has to do this. I have looked at various websites and all the advice is to stay calm and not to show your distress or draw too much attention to it. Sometimes I can do this and other times my stress rises to the surface and I get angry with her.

I think her self-biting is due to her inability to express her feelings, low self esteem and anxiety. I think that maybe my approach to parenting exacerbates this - I need to change my approach to fit more with her personality, give her some control of things and give her much more positive attention.

I have tried this and in only 2 days I have noticed a difference. I am trying to sit down and play with her for at least half and hour every day. Every time she does something good I praise her.

I have asked her to pick one special finger that she wants to look after so that the nail can grow. I have promised to buy her some nice nail varnish etc as a reward. I also bought some Bytrex and have been putting it on her nails every day - she hates the taste and I'm hoping it will help to break the habit of putting her fingers in her mouth. She proudly told me yesterday that she didn't put her fingers in her mouth during a school show. I've noticed that if she watches TV(although she doesn't watch too much as this affects her behaviour) she is more likely to pick so I've started giving her things to nibble on likes apple or carrot pieces.

The signs just in the last couple of days are encouraging. I think though that a key aspect is that the child feels good about him/herself (aided by our positive attention) and can learn to express anxiety in a different way.

It's early days yet and it is hard to change my parenting style and remember the tips especially when I'm feeling tired or stressed - but I feel so much better that at least I am trying and having something postive to work on.

Will keep an eye on this thread to see how things develop with your DS. Good luck.