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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

When did you get rid of the dummy?

30 replies

henrys7thwife · 01/02/2009 23:58

My two youngest (just 2 and 7 months) have had dummies from the word go. With eldest kids - never wanted, never had. I've never had a problem with dummies - I think they're a comfort and a sanity help at times, eldest very attached but again, it doesn't normally bother me.

Today a woman on the bus acted like I was the worst mother ever with both of them in the double buggy and happily sat there with dummies. She didn't say anything directly to me, but kept whispering behind her hand to her friend and I distinctly heard 'Dummy at that age!'

I got home a bit upset and called my mum, who said she expects that the eldest should definitely be off them by now, and very soon if we aren't making the move yet.

They are ONLY for sleeps, public transport, and if my eldest falls down after a cuddle and can't settle (very stubborn thing!) or if ill. I was planning to let eldest wean himself off, in my opinion I don't see the harm, he has a great vocabulary for his age and I'm not sure if I'm being a terrible mother by letting them have them?

When have you got rid of the dummy and did you find it difficult, beneficial, etc? Thanks all!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Desiderata · 02/02/2009 00:01

God, some women are so mean!

Mine weaned himself off when he was about 2.6 or 2.9, as I recall.

I began to gently suggest that it was a bit babyish, and eventually he gave it up. I really don't understand why other people feel the need to comment.

RandomChoice · 02/02/2009 00:05

14 months and dd still has it

burstingbug · 02/02/2009 00:08

DS2 is 2.5, he also had a dummy from day 1. We have had just over a week where the dummy wasn't allowed out the house. The past few days of only having dummy at bed time. Working well so far.
Hoping to loose the dummy completely this month.
Need to start potty training soonish too!

MadamDeathstare · 02/02/2009 00:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plod · 02/02/2009 09:58

If your child needs/likes the dummy then sod the woman on the bus!!!! She will have done things perfectly with her kids right?? Wrong! There is no handbook to this game. Do what works best for you.
My DS is 21 months. He has had a dummy from day 1 and now has for nap in day. I don't give it him for bed at night and he goes to sleep without it, I put it on him on a strap when I go to bed then he can find for comfort in night if he likes. I take it off him when he wakes in morn/from nap. He also has it if feeling under the weather.
Some people need to learn some manners at the same time as minding their own business and concentrating on own life me thinks!!!
My friends little girl had the dummy for bed til she was 8!!! She has perfect teeth and is a lovely, charming bright 10 year old now!

Wigglesworth · 02/02/2009 10:08

That woman on the bus is a silly cow. If you want your child to have a dummy that is your business and nobody elses least of all some rude stranger who should mind her own business.
My DS had a dummy from 2 days old, he wouldn't settle screamed all the live long day and his dummy saved mine and DH's sanity for the first 3 months. However, when he got to 13 weeks old we ditched it, not because we wanted to but cos he would wake up crying every hour during the night looking for it after it had dropped out and he was too little to pop it back in himself.
You get rid of his dummy when YOU think he is ready, everyone will have an opinion on the matter but the only one that really matters is yours as his mum.

LucyEllensmummy · 02/02/2009 10:54

You know - i was so PFB about a dummy, and i probably would have looked down my nose at you myself . My DD never really wanted one, and i was quite smug about it, and was when my MIL said that if i perservered she would take it, felt even more smug about her not having one.

Yeah well, the last laugh is on me then because I have never been able to get DD to settle on her own of a night, she is 3.5 now and either me of DP have to lay with her until she goes to sleep and it is driving us nuts. And of course i was all up myself about dummies causing speach delay - guess what, my DD had speach delay!! Can't be blaming the dummy for that - and, AND she sucks her thumb and her teeth are starting to look a bit goofy .

WHY WHY WHY when having children, especially more than one, would we not make life easier for ourselves and probably more pleasant and comforting for our LOs.

Don't feel bad about the woman on the bus, she was probably just ignorant - like me .

plod · 02/02/2009 11:47

LucyEllensmummy, how lovely and kind of you to post that. What a star you are! You live and learn eh. Speech delay or otherwise I bet your LO is a honey! And we are all smug over our own at some point if we are honest x

Shhhh · 02/02/2009 21:39

I don't see the harm in a dummy..
when they get to an age approx 2.6-3yrs then I guess I would stop it during trips out (confine to the car etc ) and only have at night BUT if your choice and imo if a child is happy then why not..?!

I would encourage them to talk without it however.

dd has had one since birth and although stopped using it while out at around 2.6yrs she had it in the car till around 3+ yrs and still had it at night till a month ago..she is now 3.9 yrs.

ds is 23mths and still has one at night and during the day BUT doesn't have it when he doesn't want it iykiwm....when he talks I also tell him "repeat that without the dummy" which he does .

IMO I don't see an issue...dd's speach is impecible and teeth are perfect....not always correct what people say..

pinkymo · 02/02/2009 22:42

My DS is now 4 and still has her dummy.Over the years it has driven us mad as she constantly loses it and I must have spent hours and hours over the years looking for the thing! However, despite it being such a frustrating matter - it brings her such comfort that I'm reluctant to to take it from her. You'll know when it is right to take it away. Ignore ignorant idiots..

Heebychick · 03/02/2009 11:51

Just a quick mention - my dentist tells me that a dummy is far better than sucking a thumb which can make teeth deformed etc in some cases.

Our DD has a small blanket that she sucks just the same as a dummy (she had a dummy until we took it away at 3 months but then offered her the blanket as she needed something to hold/suck) and we're very happy for her to have it, it brings her a huge amount of comfort in strange or worrying situations and in times of illness.

Sod what others say, it's your child and you do what you feel is right for them.

I too used to think that dummies in older children were terrible (pre-mummy time!) and it's easy for others to judge but the benefit a dummy/comforter can bring is enormous - what is the alternative you take the dummy away for fear of upsetting a stranger and in the meantime your toddler is terribly upset at having lost something for no understandable reason to them??? i know which way i will be going.

onadietcokebreak · 03/02/2009 12:04

I hate dummies but that did stop me giving my DS one as he needed some additional sucking comfort. He used it for sleeps and occassional during the day if I couldnt settle him. When he was able to put it in and out of his mouth I stopped....was easier then to do it when he easily forgot rather than my friends who are having real problems now.

Think he was about 12-16wks when i took it away.

onadietcokebreak · 03/02/2009 12:04

Think he was about 12-16wks when i took it away.

moondog · 03/02/2009 12:07

Dummies don't cause speech/language delays.
I'm a SALT.
If they want one,let thme have one.What's thr harm in the name of God?

onadietcokebreak · 03/02/2009 12:10

moondog whats a SALT?

moondog · 03/02/2009 12:12

speech and language therapist

morningpaper · 03/02/2009 12:14

Ignore crazy bus lady

I had a dummy until I was 6

onadietcokebreak · 03/02/2009 12:14

Ahh thank you......am a bit need to all this!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 03/02/2009 12:16

I weaned DD1 off hers at four. I wish I hadn't, I gave into pressure. DH had his until he was 8, shortly before he was sent away to boarding school.

Mummyella · 03/02/2009 12:37

My littlest is nearly three and has always been completely in love with her dummy. She even talks to it

Her teeth have suffered though - she has an open bite at the front - ie when her back teeth are closed the front ones don't even nearly meet. For the past few months we have limited it to bed, the car and her pushchair - but we let her go and sit in her pushchair in a boring bit of the house to have a suck if she feels she needs it.

Trouble is when we have tried to take it away she has immediately started thumb sucking, which I know is even worse for her teeth.

Dentist says as long as she stops before her adult teeth are developing it shouldn't have any long term effects. Am planning to limit it to bedtime very soon - when I have the energy to withstand the desperate sorrow this will cause

silentlywondering · 03/02/2009 12:57

DS is three and we got him to have his dummy at bed time only using a reward chart over the last month. He has actually gone to sleep without even asking for it for the last 3 nights.

He may start asking for one again come September if we have to use one with new baby but hey ho as long as it's for night time only I can live with it. He's a big lad and I was getting paranoid by the comments if he had it whilst we were out and about. His speech has been a bit delayed due to slight hearing problem but everyone was blaming it on the dummy. So we have gradually and gently got rid of the dummy and guess what so far no difference in his speech.

Ceebee74 · 03/02/2009 13:05

Mummyella glad to hear what your dentist has said. I am a bit concerned about DS1 (2.6) as his front teeth are starting to develop into an overbite and I have convinced myself it is due to his dummy . He only has them at bedtime and has had for at least the last 18 months so he hardly uses it excessively (I have a feeling that he may use it more at nursery but I would rather he was happy there with a dummy than unhappy iyswim). I have now made sure he only has orthodontic ones but I fear it is too late now but DS2 arrived 2 months ago and DS1 has had a few problems adjusting so I am certainly not going to take DS1's source of comfort away at the moment.

Silentlywondering I was worried that DS1 would pinch DS2's dummy (DS2, being a newborn has it whenever he needs it - not just at bedtime!) so I thought DS1 would be jealous of that...but he has been absolutely fine - I think I have caught him once trying to put it in his mouth - other than that, he puts it in DS2's cot for him etc and is really not bothered about it)

To the OP ignore the stupid old batwoman!! Some people just can't help themselves!

silentlywondering · 03/02/2009 13:07

Thanks for the reassurance

pinkkoala · 03/02/2009 13:25

my dd is 4yrs 2 mnths, she still has her dummy for bedtime and the car much to my mums disapproval. i don't like her having it when we are out and she knows it's just for bed and car, but as my husband works long hours and is on the road a lot of the time i find she settles very quickly at night giving me a bit of quality quiet time instead of all the screaming and crying when she is going to sleep, i don't like a child to go to bed upset, i'm a bit soft.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 03/02/2009 13:33

I have to say that I think constant use of a dummy can affect speech and language development. Not any serious life-long affects tho.

Have had to previously see children for therapy who had mild speech disorders.

I also see children on a day to day basis now (not for therapy) who, imho, are not developing communication because their need to comfort suck constantly outweighs their need to communicate.

I stress that these are children who constantly have a dummy.

Luckily my 2 dcs didn't really need a dummy but I would have used one if necessary and know lots of slts whose children use them too

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