DS age 4.5 in reception - change in behaviour

[KatieBenLucy]

(Sorry - re-posted with subject)
New to Mumsnet, but hoping for some advice? I'm worried about my DS change of behaviour.
DS is 4.5 and in second term of reception.
He started off well and the first parents evening was v encouraging. Towards the end of last term he was getting into trouble outside the classroom eg pushing children over, insulting other children. I spent some time with his teacher and a reward system seemed to work for while.

This week he has been disciplined in school for pushing again, and generally ignoring direct requests. Had another chat to his teacher who said that the incidents are escalating again. She also mentioned that DS is having trouble approaching the other children to play. And if games/situations don't go his way, he is either lashing out or getting very upset. We have noticed this at home too, and also he has stopped sharing nicely when we have other children round. He does not want others to play with his things.

He has always been very sociable. He had a gang of friends at nursery and was very happy. One of those friends is in his class now. We went through a couple of minor aggressive phases at around 2-3 years but came through the other side and thought they were over.

I have a 6 month old DD who my DS idolises. I don't think she is the reason for his change. I am currently on mat leave so DS has had a lot of time.

I think he is missing being part of a group of friends. There are only 10 boys in his class and they play in very small groups eg I hear "Freddie is always with James". But he doesn't know how to get himself involved with a group? I am guessing really as I can't get him to open up. He is not good at expressing his feelings - perhaps the root of the problem?

Anyone have any ideas? Or even tips to help an almost 5 year old express themsleves?

I think its very common for boys to fight in the playground (my ds has been in trouble for this, as have most of the boys in his class at some point).
My DS has been quite a shy boy and was 1 of the only ones in his class not to go to the school nursery. I found inviting boys round for tea helped. I also made a huge effort to chat to the other Mums in the playground so that he could see me 'making friends'. Now in yr 1 he is doing fine and one of the gang (although they all fall out all the time).

He is still very very small and it takes them awhile to settle down into the routine and general behaviour requirements of school i think.

It is really hard.

My DS (6) had some 'issues' or whatever PC word they want to call it. Anyway, the singl e best thing I did was introduce a family law which is on the fridge which we all abide by. It says that we promise not to hurt, hit, be rude, blah blah to each other and that we will always be kind, respectful etc...

This is our law and sets the tone for the family. This shows him how he should and should not behave. When he was initially naughty, I would march him infront of it and make him listen to me read it to him. We would then talk about it.

So, when he came home from school going on about so and so did this or I hit so and so, we would refer back to the family law, and talk about our feelings. how did it make you feel when so and so did that? what do you think you could do next time that happens.

He is wonderful now!

Good idea oneliein

Try not to worry. This is pretty typical behaviour for boys of his age, whether they're in school yet or not.

Mine is 4.3 and doesn't start school until he's 4.10. His behaviour at the moment is incredibly challenging .. he's much worse now than he ever was before, but I'm hoping that the extra six months at home will enable him to start school without too many problems ... that the phase will have passed!

It'll all iron out, Katie. He's still just a baby, bless him!

Thanks everyone. My friend was right (and I'm sure its been said a million times) - MN does help you get things in perspective, and if nothing else, makes you realise you're not on your own. DS has had a sticker today for a good playtime - I'm hopeful!