Help! DS 3yrs won't poo on toilet/potty/in nappy etc: I am going crazy!

[sillyoldsausage]

Sorry if this is a long one, but I could really do with some advice! My DS is 3 and has a massive fear of pooing! His fear is inconsistent and is only when his bum is sore which is understandable. The problem is- I put him in pants and he wee's everywhere, but his bum gets better and he poo's randomly: this week on the bedroom carpet. OR I put him in nappies and his bum gets so sore that he clenches his bum so hard for 4 days and will only be able to pass a stool when I have to physically force him onto the toilet. But he screams...and cries and then when it finally comes out, he bleeds It is breaking my heart and I have ended up in tears (again) tonight as I can't help him. I just don't understand what the problem is...have been to the doctor and the hospital but they say it is constipation. It isn't because when he poo's it comes out easily. I just don't know what to do, and to top it all off he is supposed to be starting pre school soon!

Can't you just leave him with no pants/ nappies at home and give him an incentive to use the potty? ( starchart or such)
I think pooing randomly is par for the course when you start potty training. You are not going to get through it without cleaning some wee or poo up

Yes and I do...I have no problem with the cleaning up the mess... I am used to it in my job! I guess what I didn't say in my original post is that we are not just starting potty training...this has been going on for ages! I have tried rewards but not a star chart so will try that tomorrow, thank you mrs ruffallo! However, I feel that I need more help. I actually work with children of similar ages and have never had this kind of thing go on for so long, unless there was some kind of medical explanation...maybe I am just being neurotic?

My dd (3.5) is witholding poo and sh'es been taking Movicol on prescription for 2.5 weeks. It makes it impossible for her to hold it too long so it doesn't hurt when it comes. You have to keep adjusting the dose.

It IS a kind of constipation. Dd can also poo easily - if she wants to - but usually she doesn't want to. If he tears then that is going to make him very reluctant to poo anywhere. Haven't the drs recommended a laxative? He needs to get back his confidence in painless pooing.

Thank you...so glad to hear that I am not the only parent with this problem! They prescribed lactolose but it just makes everything watery, and he hates it because it really hasn't helped. He is bleeding because the poo is too big for his little bottom. I have said that pants are the way forward from tonight because that seems to help...however don't want to dent his confidence...I just always feel that I get it wrong! However, on a positive note, I will try and get some movicol from the doc tom. Thanks again

We got movicol rather than lactulose as the problem was getting it out rather than getting it soft. The watery stuff is coming out around the solid poo and the movicol will help to push that out. I mix it in her favourite juice as be warned - many kids just refuse to take it. Dd knows it's her poo medicine to make her poo come more easily and it helps that she heard the dr talk about it. Basically you have to make it impossible for them to hold the poo in so long that it gets too big and hoard for them.

I was advised we would probably be looking at at least 3 months to get some improvement. It has really taken over our lives at the moment - I'm poo obsessed!

We had this problem and were also prescribed Movicol.

Be warned though it can be a long process even with Movicol, it took our child over a year to get back to some normality, and she still even now occassionally withholds.

I decided to get rid of nappies too, so he has been wearing underpants all day and has been really good at doing a wee. Still no poo, but lots of crying and clenching! Do you think making them sit on the loo/potty is a bad idea if they really don't want to? It gets to the point (usually on a friday) where he can't hold it in anymore, but I don't want to scare him. Thanks for your Movicol advice: I never realised that pooing could cause such distress to the whole family! Are there any patterns as to why they withhold? He had always been so regular...

Dd was totally regular until potty training - it's nothing to do with diet - it's just shere will power. I was very reluctant to go the laxative route but I read a lot about other's experiences and could see were going exactly the same way. It's not that uncomon. The HV (and I never usually ask HVs for anything) said go to the dr and the two drs we've seen clearly deal with this all the time.

Dd is an easy child in some ways - not very naughty, very quiet, extremely shy. But boy is she stubborn and has quite a controlling streak. She understands when I talk to her about letting the poo out but when it comes to it she just doesn't want to.

It is fantastically stressful isn't it?

Thank goodness I found this - I've been trying so hard not to freak out, and have been using over the counter stuff - but maybe I just need to go to the doctor. I've not been yet, because i don't want to make it a big thing, but that level of distress can't be good can it?

I agree, I don't think of it as constipation as it's a willpower thing, rather than a poo problem - I can't believe they can clench for so long!

Thanks again, I know I haven't asked for specific advice, but just reading this has helped...

J

Just logged on and felt I should give an update! DS has done 5 poo's today! Mostly in his pants, but hey! I am ecstatic as he has not been in too much pain, (but still small amount of bleeding ) However, the cold turkey on nappies seems to have have had a major impact, and incredibly my little man has stayed dry for the last 2 nights!