3.5 DS is 'off' - aggressive, not eating, having rages... what's going on?

[Luxmum]

My usually difficult but great DS has become more and more difficult. He wants to watch TV ALL the time, when he does talk to us it's usually about some mad disaster scenario where we all die or get squashed or burnt to death, if you try to get him to do something he doesnt want he goes MENTAL. Screaming, scratching, roaring.. He didnt want a bath yesterday, and was just mad, and of course once in the bath it took over an hour to get him out, he refused to leave.. He doesnt want to eat much, it's impossible to get him to stay at the kitchen table.. He doesnt watch anything except calm cartoons and fireman sam, he is wonderful in creche, they love him there, and I know we are probably being uneven with our affection to him younger brother, who eats everything, sleeps through the night, is calm and loving.. I just want my 3yo to get better.. He is just not happy right now. Is it all jelousy, or is it a phase?

My DS also 3.5 is having a similar time - though not quite as bad as you. We also have a younger DS who DS1 can be a little jealous of (attention-wise)
I found the best way is to limit telly time and try and get him to do some games / jigsaws one on one with me - so he feels he is getting some exclusive time. We also have exclusive days - where I take him out somewhere special on his own. I am fortunate that my DH can have the little one - but understand that this is not always possible. My DS always is much calmer when he has less junk food - a few days of salads and vegetables always make him much better behaved. But obviously a problem for you if he is not eating !
I put it down to a bit of a phase, he is becoming more aware of how he can get attention and pushing the limits a bit. I have been trying to show him that he can have more of my attention if he sits with me & does puzzles etc

Fresh air and exercise - as much as you can

Big open spaces where he can run and run and run

He can't sit still - all that energy has to go somewhere

Can you walk to and from creche?

Timed TV can sometimes help - 'we are going to watch fireman sam and then telly off'

They push and push at this stage - pick your battles and remember 'this too shall pass'

Agree with boysarelikedogs (great name) - a good run around the park always works with ours too

Luxmum, your DS sounds like mine. He'll be four in April.

We've had nearly two years of this kind of behaviour.

He comes out with, "KILL, KILL, KILL," and a lot of anger.

I too am at a loss most of the time.

When he starts chucking things about, one favourite toy or DVD or book goes in the special toy bin. That seems to have a bit of an effect. He has to earn it back by being 'good' for a day.

I have to specific by what I mean by 'good' otherwise it's just a nebulous term for a kid. I usually mean no shouting and screaming and doing as Mum and Dad ask.

Or if he doesn't do as we ask him, he loses one bedtime story. He usually gets three. He used to go to bed without any for a long time because he was so stubborn. Now that rarely happens. I use my fingers to indicate how many stories he has left whilst I ask him to come upstairs to brush his teeth or whatever it is I want him to do.

It sounds mean but you can use the things he really loves as a way to moderate his behaviour and achieve basic things like getting out of the door or him out of the bath.

Good luck and long may it not last! I'm praying when DS starts school in September, he'll change again.

And we're always out, running about or swimming or at the mini gym for kids. He does football too. I regard my DCs as small puppies that need exercising.

Sigh, thanks for the tips, and for showing me that i'm not alone.. The aggressive death talk is a bit wierd, none of the other kids seem to do this, and my nephews, aged 5 and 3, had to be TAUGHT to make guns out of lego and play guns by my DS, I was kind of hoping that this was normal boy behavior.. Cant really take the bus to crexhe as is so damn cold, and dark and general horrid right now, but the parks thing, defo. need to run him into the ground a bit more. The attention days are a great idea, thanks

My DS, 3 in April, been bonkers since Xmas - screaming, biting, all-round arsey. Realised his diet gone to dogs, all he wanting to eat being biscuits and other sugar foods. Also pooing only every 2-3 days. So, last 3 days not a single biscuit, porridge for breakfast, lunch at 12, tea at 4 = much better boy. Think he just overloaded with sugar and generally uncomfortable inside. Feeling like a Very Bad Mother! Any help?

What a familiar story ... went through 3 months of very bad behaviour at the end of last year. But DS turned 4 last week, and since New Year, fingers crossed, all much better.

Boys apparantly get a testosterone surge coming up to 4 ys, which accounts for alot.

Remember by DD was just as bad, but in different ways, 3.5 - 4 ys.

Good luck!

Sounds somewhat similar to my ds who is 3.3 and obsessed with baddies and shooting etc. I feel like i'm walking a tight rope alot of the time as never know when he will explode in a temper. Feel rubbish some times as people are always telling me not to give in to his controlling behaviour (i can't even make a drink without checking i have 'right' cup) but tbh i find it easier to let him exercise control on mundane things such as this while i crack down on bigger things. I would spend all day fighting otherwise. Also, he is an only child which rules out jealousy (for me) and makes me think it's just an age thing. He also has various imaginary friends (his main one being diesel from thomas tank) who seem to accompany us everywhere chipping in with their frequent disagreeable opinions too