Super clingy DS after starting nursery - normal?

[Annya]

My 22-month-old son started nursery a few weeks ago. He has done 3 weeks of "adaptation" and has now started properly, alternating 3 and a half days one week, 2 short days the following week (I work odd hours). He cries when I leave him but the staff say during the day if he cries it is "shouting rather than crying" and there are no tears. He is slowly beginning to play more, eat and sleep there. I am happy with the nursery and like the staff. At home though he is very clingy with me, even when his daddy is there. DP has looked after DS a lot by himself so they are/were very close. What's going on? Is he worried I am gonna leave him or is he cross with me and manipulating my sense of guilt (v successfully)?

Hi Annya, I feel for you. My DS is almost 12 months old and just started settling into nursery last week before starting proper next week. He was Mr Independent before (I used to worry about how 'unattached' he was to me though I am his primary caregiver...). He's now Mr Clingy even when I am there! Today, we had a 'break' from nursery and I took his to playgroup and he clinged on to my jeans for quite a lot of time...

I think separation anxiety is normal. Especially to their mummies! My DS loves his daddy (always big smiles for him but not for mummy) but on Sunday I left him for 2 hours to do shopping and he was fine with daddy, playing games etc. I came home, he took one look at me and burst into tears! And if he wakes at night now, he won't settle with daddy but needs me. I am very happy with the nursery and staff as well as they have done so much to settle DS and he had a good session yesterday! It sounds like your son is settling well into nursery, it will take a good few weeks/months before he will settle completely and stop missing mummy (perfectly normal!), so don't worry too much.

clung on to my jeans...

My DD2 is like this. I work on a monday and tuesday so she is at the childminders. She is always happy there but on a wednesday she is so clingy to me, I think she is frightened to let me out of her sight incase I go to work and leave her again. She gets better through out the week then its wednesday again and she won't let go of me.
I have no idea how to improve thing as DD1 was not like this but just posting to let you know that he is completely normal.

I think it's also an age thing? My DS went to nursery at 15 months (now 21 months) and was fine. My friends DS was 9 months and took approx 5 months before clinging to her starting to go! Another friend DS just going to nursery now (18 months) and he is quite clingy. Your DS at 22 months is very aware of everything, stick with it, always say a strong goodbye and 'mummy will collect you later' then he knows when you return that you kept to your word!! He will soon realise that you alwyas come back for him! It's very hard when they are upset though so I feel for you. Keep us updated x

Thanks everyone. I guess I expected the tears when I left nursery but I didn't expect him to get like that at home as well. Now I can't even go to the loo without him! Well, I can but he screams. When DP dresses him or does anything with him when I'm around its "mummy, get mummy" all the time which is wearing for us both. Should we just ignore and jolly him along? I have to say when he returns from creche in afternoon before evening tiredness kicks in he is just fine with DP.

Annya, just go with it... every baby will go through the clingy stage and I think being in nursery obviously intensifies it! DS was really happy when we got into the nursery today. He's not a smiler and he gave little smiles to all the workers there before going off to play. I heard him crying as I left. I think you just need to keep talking to him and telling him you will come back for him (even if he doesn't understand it) and he will soon realise you are always coming back. Does your DS have a comfort object? I'm only asking as I gave the nursery his comfort blankie for his naps and when he was really unsettled one day, his keyworker gave it to him and he held onto it so tightly through the day (even got his lunch/tea on it!). Funnily enough, once he gets home, he doesn't want it. Looks like it is 'replacement' mummy! LOL! If your DS has something like that, let him take it him. My DS obviously gets comfort from it...

Hi Angel, thanks. Yes DS has a cuddly sheep that he is very attached too. It goes to creche and, like your little one's, obviously doesn't leave his arms, it came home with some purple pen on the other day! However he loves it to bits at home too.