My 3 yr old and 18 mth boys are driving mad. How do I stop them brawling?

[peckhammummy]

I dread the days when DS1 is not at preschool because he is constantly brawling with DS2. It starts off being a friendly pile on but then ends up with DS2 screaming because he is getting squashed. When they are not brawling DS1 is bothering DS2 by hairpulling, pushing, toy snatching etc etc.
What can I do?????

Bumping for you.

Thank you. Seems like everyone is as much at a loss for what to do as I am!!

Wish I could give you some positive advice but my DS(11) and DD(8) are constantly winding each other up, been that way since DD started school, which inevitably ends up with DD in tears and me screaming at the two of them to pack it in! I just put it down to sibling rivalry and have accepted that it's part of my every day life . Sorry, that's really not much help to you is it? I'll shut up and go away!

Hi, i can sympathise, i have 3 boys!

First i would try to put a stop to play fighting, it always escalates, my older boys are 15 and 12 and they still cant manage without it ending in tears! The minute you see them start rough and tumbling, encourage them to do something else.

They are both very young and wouldnt have learnt how to share and compromise yet. How about playing some games with them to encourage sharing ie taking turns to give a teddy a kiss or something like that.

Hitting each other etc, you could practise hitting hard, then being gentle by stroking/hitting a cushion. Then when you remind them to be gentle with each other, they will know what you mean.

I found that telling them what i actually wanted them to do, rather than what not to do, also helped if that makes sense.

Anyhow i hope that some of this might be of some help to you. Good luck

Hmm, I think all boys need rough play. Isn't it best to teach them how and when to stop at an early age?

Long slow process though.

I have 2 boys 3.8 and 21 months. I am experiencing some of what you describe. Mine both seem to want what the other has and snatch at each other rather than actual physical fighting. Ds2 is learning about saying sorry and playing nicely, slowly but surely. I try hard not to always blame DS1 as more often than not it's DS2 who starts it!! DS1 is actually very good at being kind and sharing with his little brother...sometimes!
When things escalate I'll take the thing they are fighting over away from both of them, get DS1 busy at the table with his colouring or a puzzle and distract DS2 with his current fav toys on the rug (at the moment anything ITNG related!).
Good luck!

It's good advice from everyone. I'm trying not to think about this going on into their teens as per claw3's crew!!! I think for the sake of my sanity I should avoid them getting into rough and tumble, pile-on situations. They can do that when DH comes home .
DS1 has been a preschool today and I've really been trying to lay on the positive praise since he's got home. Have bought him a magazine for being kind to his brother etc.
I think that we'll have to try very hard to find distracting activities for them to do on the days when both are at home.

Mine could never manage that! They could play 'rough nicely' with other kids, just not with each other, one would always have to go a bit too hard, a bit of sibling rivalry perhaps!

Teaching them how and when to stop could work i suppose, but i suspect my boys knew how and when to stop, but getting in that extra little dig, was worth more than following the rules

isn't there something organised you could go to when there is no preschool? a toddler group, messy play thing, or take them swimming to tire them out?
or go to the park and wear them out kicking a footie around

Peckhammummy - Forgot to add, showing them how to play nicely. I found i was always telling my boys to play nice, didnt dawn on me that they might not know what 'nicely' actually meant if you know what i mean!!

It does get better i promise, but they do still bicker even at my ds's age. Perfectly natural for a bit of brawling from time to time i suspect

some good ideas on here!

I have two boys (3.4 and 21 months)

DS1 is getting really good at sharing etc but ime will be at least a year till DS2 is there!

I read in some parenting book that a good way of stopping the fighting is to basically get them to sort it out between themselves as much as possible.

They reco9mmended having a few ground rules that mustn't be broken (ie no hitting or name calling)

then depending on their age get them to learn to sort it out themselves

so with kids our age we would be at the starting bit of teaching them ways to sort it out themselves; for example wanting the same toy; get them to try taking turns, spliting toy if possible, getting another toy and playing together (then when they are older remind them of the options, then later on hopefully they will get on brilliantly )

My friends with older kids tried this and her two are pretty good together (they are now 5 and 7).

The idea is that they learn it's ok to disagree but need a way to sort it out without resorting to fighting.

'Sibling Rivalry' is worth read IMO