Am I expecting /asking too much...

[megcleary]

I have treid this in parenting but am hoping for more advice please.

DD is 17 mo and a good girl but is heading to tantrum world soon I think. So when she throws her toast on the floor and I ask her to pick it up and put it on the table please in a clam firm voice 17 times am I crazy.

Should I just let it go and wait for the big battles?

Today for the first time she hit me in the face an open hand slap as she didn't want to sit and have her nails clipped. In my innocence as this was the first time I was shocked and said no we don't slap and sat her away from me for a minute. Then tried again in a few minutes and got the one hand i needed done done.

It feels like I am on her back all the time to pick up crayons or not run on the sofa (sigh) am I asking her to do too much or is this how it is meant to be? Advice appreciated.

I think to preserve your sanity you do need to pick your battles - she's too little to really grasp the concept that her actions have consequences. Make it seem like picking up crayons when she's finished with them is just a normal part of life - and do it together - and she'll accept it quickly enough. Where things are potentially dangerous (running on the sofa?) then yes, stick to your guns.

It sounds like you handled the slapping thing really well, but remember she's unlikely to realise her slap would have hurt you - toddlers really do believe the world revolves around them, and can't see beyond that.

I think maybe come down harder on her for unacceptable behaviour like slapping than for minor things like throwing her toast or climbing on the sofa. My dd2 is the same age and I find disciplining her really difficult as they are not yet old enough for naughty step etc. I tend to remove her to sit on the sofa by herself as time out for more serious misdemeanours and let lots of the little ones go, or else I'd feel like I was nagging her all the time. It's not an easy age though I don't think, as they generally can't verbalise their feelings and get very frustrated.

OK thats helpful I try to make things a game sometimes am just new to the Mum malarky and don't want to mess her up.

I assume its just her testing us as in the past any thing we asked like pick up your cup etc she did straight away bless her and now she's learning she has ideas too.

Sounds like you're lucky and have a generally co-operative little girl. I'm sure she is just testing her boundaries, so you may need to decide which ones you really want to enforce and then stick to it consistently. She'll soon get the idea!

and she's been a doll all afternoon amazing how quickly they change their mood i find they must be such a little ball of emotions

I agree with the "pick your battles carefully" remark, definitely and I would suggest these are for bad behaviour rather than doing something you don't like ie slapping you is a no-no and although she may not know yet that this hurts, she must learn through immediate consequece. Throwing toast on the floor, i would say, is simply being a toddler. Tell her no in a stern voice and tell her that if she does it again, you will throw it in the bin and that is the end of breakfast. Trying to get her to pick it up will just esculate into an argument which you won't win with a toddler. Getting them to do something they don't want to do is hard. General tidying up can be made to be a game.
Best thing I can suggest is to keep things fun, don't nag at her but mean it when you draw the line!
Good luck.

What worked for me at this stage was just keeping everything light and non-confrontational - if it's about toast on the floor etc remember she is not being deliberately naughty, she just needs to learn about where the boundaries are. I think natural consequences are what's needed - as Decena said she needs to be told "No, we don't throw food" - and if she does it again, it goes in the bin and you don't get more straight away!

TBH with tidying up, it depends how much you believe in 'training' IMO. I just didn't make my ds do much tidying at this age, I waited until pre-school age really, and it did no harm at all IMO; when they're older they pick things up very fast and you don't necessarily need to train them in these behaviours from 17 months.

So as far as I'm concerned with most things at this age you can take an approach of teaching them stuff rather than training or disciplining.

And a sense of humour is your most valuable weapon. It's all about how you view things. My ds once started finger painting on our patio doors and to me, that was fine - good idea, IMO and easy to clean. However round at my friend's when her DD tried this there was a big telling off resulting in everyone being miserable for an hour so far as I could see. My friend said "I don't want her thinking she can paint all over the walls!" but IME you don't need to project behaviour and worry that this will happen elsewhere/always happen/end up in an asbo.

Trust that your DD will end up a lovely person and not be badly behaved is what I think I'm saying. You don't need to come down hard on stuff just in case!

Oh and you did right with the slap, I think. Firm no and sit them away from you, it is right they learn that we don't like to be hit!