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Possible problems at nursery with 22 mo dd. What to think? (sorry long!)

10 replies

EsmeWeatherwax · 27/01/2009 11:38

My dd is 22 mo, has been going to nursery since she was 16 months. She goes 2.5 days per week, and has always seemed very settled there, and even to like it, e.g, she's never running over to the gate for her mum whenever someone comes in etc. Anyhow, her key worker approached me this morning questioning her behaviour, asking if it was getting worse at home, because it was in nursery.

She is a very active toddler, and very into everything! The nursery keep the kids things in drawers on the other side of the gate leading into her room, and apparently she was been opening everybody's drawers and hauling out their stuff. She does this at home, mind you, just likes to see whats in every drawer or cupboard she meets! More seriously she sometimes destroys other kids art works, although again, she just does seem to have a bit of a thing for ripping paper. Her key worker said she had been very cross with dd all day yesterday, but decided to sit down and give her some one to one attention when it got to about 4pm, after this she was fine.

I'm not 100% sure what to think of all this. I know dd is pretty boisterous, but to me she's just like a lot of other kids her age, trying to assert some independance, and looking for attention. At home if she's doing something sh shouldn't, or tantrumming, distracting her works really quickly, since she's not bad tempered by nature. She did have a bit of a difficult phase after Xmas, but mostly because she'd stopped sleeping at all! She's got over that now, and tbh, and trying not to look at her with pfb eyes, although she is strong willed, she's pretty easy to deal with. SO should I be trying to discipline her a bit more? For example, when she rips paper etc? Personally though, I think its well nigh impossible to disciple a child this age, since they don't really get it! I don't know, this whole thing has caught me very off guard!

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Maenad · 27/01/2009 11:46

How long has the key worker been there? I'm very surprised at her taking this attitude. It seems completely normal behaviour to me and I would be unhappy to be told that the key worker had been 'very cross all day'. It seems an inappropriate response.

wishingchair · 27/01/2009 11:47

Why was the key worker "cross with dd all day"? Nurseries usually have pretty effective discipline systems. At my dd's nursery they are given warnings, then a 'thumbs down', then time out. If dd misbehaves at home and I give her a thumbs down, she is distraught. I've heard the nursery girls tell children off and it is usually in a sing-song voice along the lines of "now Charlie, you know you shouldn't hit Lola, it will make her sad, say sorry". Certainly not "cross".

I would ask for some time with the nursery to establish what their discipline processes are so that you can agree on an approach that you can also use at home. About the paper ripping ... if she is ripping newspapers, books, other children's art works then no that isn't acceptable and you have to make that clear. If you specifically GIVE her paper to rip, that's different. 22 months isn't too young and they do understand what is and isn't appropriate. (PS - she sounds like a normal toddler to me!)

wishingchair · 27/01/2009 11:48

x-posts maenad!

katieww · 27/01/2009 12:00

I agree with the others - it sounds like normal behaviour to me. I'd question the nursery's response too - being cross all day certainly isn't the answer. My 18mo rips things all the time despite being told no or removed from the situation but she does it more if she's bored. Maybe they are not keeping her occupied enough?

EsmeWeatherwax · 27/01/2009 12:04

The key worker started just before dd! She is an older woman, with experience of nursery working. (I think!) I've always found her to be rather nice up until now!

Yes, I agree about the paper ripping, she's bad for tearing her books at home, and we do stop her doing it, similarly with any artwork she has brought home. Although I have found her to be getting much better with this recently, if we tell her to stop, she usually does, and if not, we take books, etc off her. I think she's starting to get the message that its unacceptable.

I'm inclined to think that if the key worker is cross with dd, then why leave it til 4pm to do anything about it? Surely she should know that in many ways, spending a whole day just acting cross with a child that young will get you nowhere, and if anything, will inflame the situation. She did say she was going to try giving dd more one to one attention in the future, so I suppose thats something!

As regards to discipline, I've popped into the nursery unexpectedly a few times, and heard them shouting at a few of the kids before, which made me a bit although I've never heard them shouting at dd. I've also had plenty of comments along the lines of "She's very active, isn't she?" and "She's always there, whatever you are doing, she wants to be involved!" And not necessarily said in the most positive tones!

Have to say, I'm fifnishing up work next month to go on mat leave, and was going to leave dd in nursery for the first few months of that, but this is giving me a bit of a change of heart...

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rubyslippers · 27/01/2009 12:05

i wouldn't be happy with the shouting

a firm tone is fine and should be used where appropriate

these are babies - barely 2 years old ... i would look for somewhere else

Maenad · 27/01/2009 12:11

Ooh, that's tricky then.... I have to say (I have a 3mo and a 4yo) that the time when my older one is at nursery is really valuable in terms of spending time focusing on the baby.

EsmeWeatherwax · 27/01/2009 12:15

Yep Maenad, thats what I'm thinking. But then I was going to drop her back to three mornings a week. Would also keep her in a bit of her normal routine when dd2 arrives! However, she could go to toddlers for two of those mornings (think my mum would take her) until she starts the local playgroup for the three mornings in October.

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Runoutofideas · 27/01/2009 13:29

If she settled into nursery pretty easily you could always start her somewhere else before the baby arrives then keep her going there a couple of mornings during your maternity leave. October is still quite a long way off to wait for her to start at the playgroup. I agree that it's really nice to have some time for the baby when the older one goes elsewhere. My second was born when my first was 2.5 and I think having them both at home the whole time would have driven me completely mad!

wishingchair · 27/01/2009 14:30

Shouting is a complete no-no as far as I'm concerned. I would make a formal complaint to the manager. I once witnessed a member of staff haul a boy up by his arm after he sat on the floor and she wanted him to walk somewhere. I complained about that on the basis that it wasn't something I would do therefore I wouldn't want someone else doing it to my child. I'd also heard her shouting before. That member of staff wasn't there for much longer.

The issue is with the nursery's handling on her behaviour. As long as she enjoys the nursery and you feel satisfied they've taken your complaint seriously and acted on it, I (personally) wouldn't take her out as a bit of stability is good during the new baby's arrival. Then she will start playgroup in October so problem over.

My second was born when first was 3.5 and agree, that time when she was at nursery was much needed!

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