erm...co-sleeping is bad and purees are history - please come and speak to me about my HV!

[bohemianbint]

Went this morning for the first time in about 3 months - DS2 is 22 weeks. He has dropped from the 75th percentile to the 50th but apparently that's not that worrying...

I sort of got told off for co-sleeping (well, disapproved of quite sternly!) and told that I'm creating a toddler with sleep problems and that I need to get him in his co-sleeper asap, and without going to sleep on the breast. Easy to say, not quite sure how I'm going to do that! One of the things that has put me off putting him in a dark room by himself for naps is Gina Ford backtracking because of the risk of cot death - am I being totally neurotic? To be honest, the co-sleeping is not working as well as it was - I don't mind but I am finding it really restrictive as I don't particularly want to be confined to my bed from 6.30pm every night. But I quite like it otherwise, and DS is so happy and content, it's just me who's struggling a bit.

Secondly, she was a bit pissy because I didn't go to the weaning talk - I was going to try BLW anyway this time, but she said I have to anyway, because now they're starting at 6 months you have to skip purees and get straight to the lumps etc. So things have changed since I had DS1 2 years ago - can anyone recommend a good book re BLW?

Bah, humbug!! Do not take all this too seriously. She is giving you the official guidelines chat, as I suppose is her job, but you are the mother to your DC and you need to do what works for you and him!

Statistically there is a slightly higher risk of cot death with co-sleeping, I am rubbish with numbers so cannot quote you any. Over the absolute risk involved is tiny and things like not smoking, not under the influence of anything etc are far more important. I think every parent needs to decide for themselves what priorities they want to set: I co-slept with DS1 most of the time, not at all with DS2 and until about age 5 month with DS3. They were all different personalities and demanded it to a bigger or lesser extent. DSs 1+2 are both now excellent sleepers, and DS3 is still working on it (10months old).

IMO giving a variety of ideally homemade flavours and textures for weaning is important. I like the idea of BLW but love making purees so much, I did a bit of both with DS3. DS1 would not touch finger food, hates fingers being wet or sticky, so with BLW might have starved .

Keep telling yourself by the time he is 16 he will no longer want to co-sleep and will eat whatever he jolly well wants.

Much as I think "official" advice and guidance is important, it makes me sad when it is taken as gospel and has the effect of making people feel they have "failed" or are doing things "wrong" when they vary from it.

Folloy your baby's lead and all will be well .

Thanks Mummyfor3! This makes me feel slightly better, although am still wondering if I should be concerned about creating "bad sleep associations" and should be settling him drowsy; most of the time I'm just so damn grateful he's gone to sleep I don't care about the wherefores, but maybe I'm wrong to do so. I dunno.

I did read in "3 in a bed" by Deborah Jackson (loved that book) that actually co-sleeping is significantly safer in terms of cot death, very few cases have been recorded compared to deaths that occur in cots, and that is another thing that has made me cautious about stopping. She surmises it may be something to do with co-sleeping naturally preventing a child from going into too deep a sleep which is thought to be when cot death occurs, although she does say that it isn't clear that this is the reason behind cot death.

I think if I do start leaving him alone to sleep I'll have to get monitors though, never needed them with his brother (mighty mouth) but this one is a much quieter babe.

Quite excited about the weaning...

Why do you have to skip purees if you wean at 6 months? (Other than if it saves you hassle). Ds (3.7 - and I do mean years) still has apple and pear pudding from Hipp Organic, he just likes it! (Also apple and mango rice pudding from Organix, why not).

I co-slept to survive, you know: sleep when baby sleeps, no need to really wake up for feeds at night.
IME sleeping any length of time is a developmental thing that they do when they are ready. That is what I mean by "follow your baby's lead". When he looks sleepy (all 3 of mine scratch their heads when they are tired) initiate bed routine and one magical day they will just go to sleep and stay asleep on their own!
I sleep like a starfish and do not like anybody touching me when sleeping, so was REALLY HAPPY when co-sleeping ended .

And, yes, weaning, what fun! I love the "baby bird" look of wide open beak, so cute! Enjoy!

She said that because we're weaning later these days (6m instead of 4m) that you have to progress much more quickly so as not to "miss windows of opportunity" or somesuch! That'll teach me not to go to the weaning talk; I was being a bit cocky thinking I've done it before and it'll be rubbish, sounds like it would have been quite interesting!

With the co-sleeping, for all the aggro, I have to say DS2 is the happiest little sandboy alive (whatever a sandboy is) so where you lose in one area you gain in another I suppose.

I got told off by a HV (not even my HV!) for "missing the window of opportunity" by not insisting that my DD ate savoury food, at the age of 8-9 mo.

At the time she would only eat fruit puree or yoghurt, cheese or biscuits/ bread. The HV didn't explain how I was supposed to make her eat savoury food except by withholding sweet food.

I ignored her "advice" and within a couple of months DD was happily eating anything put in front of her.

Funny enough this one is the best eater (so far) of my 5 DCs. All the others were weaned at 4 mo, as was the rule then, and all were horribly fussy eaters.

You could try the Gill Rapley book

www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-led-Weaning-Helping-Your-Baby/dp/0091923808/ref=tag_tdp_sv_edpp_i

and also this great BLW blog

babyledweaning.blogware.com/

She is talking utter twaddle re BLW, food is really only there to provide stimulation with texture and taste for the first 12 months, the main calories should come from milk be it breast or formula.

My two youngest BLW, my first was very quick and started to take food from our plates at 5 months, my youngest was 10 months old before a morsel of food passed his lips, just not interested before that.

DS2 was a terrible gagger and took longer to accept lumps without vomiting ALL of what he had just eaten back up again, so sticking to smoother texture for longer was obvious choice with him.
Like I said, offer variety and keep offering different tastes and textures repeatedly.
With older children our "thou shall try everything once" rule (handed down on great big tablets of stone and totally non-negotioble (sp?)) worked great: they are now almost 6 and almost 5 and eat a wide variety of things. New stuff they do usually try, and 9 times out of 10 will like. They have their preferences, but if they eat everything else it is no great hardship to accept that they do not like courgettes. It does also mean, if they have tried something and declare they do not like it I will totally back off and not insist on more and they know that. They already realise as well that tastes can change and you can begin to like something you used to hate.

Cheers for the links - I vaguely remember that in theory, if your baby can co-ordinate themselves enough to get food into their mouths and eat it, they are old enough to eat. But I reckon my DS could do it now at 22 weeks, I haven't tried, but I bet he could...

6 months is a bit of an average, although I do stand by the WHO guidelines. With BLW you will prob find it takes longer for them to actually "eat" anything due to the extra effort involved so you may not see much in their nappies to start with IYKWIM!

With DS1, I listened to the health visitor. I never let him co-sleep, had a bedtime routine from when he was 5 weeks old, gave him transition objects blah blah blah. I did everything right and he didn't sleep through -EVER - until he was 2.6, and even though he woke up 3 or 4 times during the night, he still got up every day at 3.45am.

With DS2, I moved house so didn't have a health visitor for ages. We co-slept until he wanted to sleep alone at 4 months (I missed him!), his bedtime routine is hopelessly inconsistent and I feed him to sleep if he wakes in the night. At 8 months he sleeps fine. Maybe he'll be a nightmare toddler sleeper, but so far so good.

What I'm trying to say, is that so much depends on the temperament of the child and the various ideologies don't seem to take that into account.

Good luck!

BTW - you do know you don't need to go to any talks run by the HV - or even to listen to her!

i cannot believe she is saying you have to go to a talk, you dont have to do anything. As you are already a mother you can wean your baby however you like, you have done it before.

With the sleeping thing, her advice is sensble but it is easier said then done. My dd is 18months, was bf untill 14months and still sleeps in my bed and it is difficult getting her to sleep. Sometmes takes ages. I wish dd could seld settle but I just did what was easiest at the time for me.

I cannot believe she is telling you what you must do. Parents all do things different ways so she should piss off.

Miss a window of opportunity, WTF does that mean? It sounds like she doesn't approve of the later guidelines and so is determined to make it as difficult as possible for mums who comply.

OP, I reckon your ds2 will figure out what is best for him.

thank you - I feel a bit better now. Also read the sleep chapter in Bill Sears' "the attachment parenting book". Feeling much more centred again. Have quite happily bf'd him to sleep again. I don't see how it's any different to DS1 having a dummy, TBH.

It's not that broke, I suppose, so it doesn't really need fixing, apart from the fact that we really need to go out next month one night for a few hours (but I did this on another thread last night!) On the whole I don't really want to be separated from DS for that long anyway so it's all good.

'Miss a window of opportunity'

Read this article here. Scroll down to Gillian Harris' write up (p.3?).

Sorry- have no advice, but I cannot believe your DS2 is 22 weeks already! How did that go by so quickly?

Desperate - that's a really interesting article, thank you. Not only has it made me feel better about DS1's eating habits but it's also fairly clear where HV got her info from! And she did keep repeating the same phrases, word for word, like some sort of robot.

EachPeach - I know!! I still think of him as brand new, but I saw a brand new one today and he so isn't that anymore - sigh! Were you on the August thread too?

Oh FFS. Ignore her she's mad. Follow your instinct, and if it works for you then do it! She's mad and ridiculous. She might have other views but it's her job to present well rounded information from which you can make your choices not to tell you you're doing it wrongly! grrr. Trust yourself, it sounds as though you're doing a great job

NO sorry- I just remember you from baby naming threads-
I am Jan 09- 6 days over

ooooh - exciting! Hope things get shifting soon! Have you decided on a name yet then? Ours was a very last minute affair this time around. I can't even remember what madness I was mooting as a good name on those threads?

I only remember as I liked most of them IIRC!

erm... we're waiting to see what he looks like

I am soo rubbish at boy's names!