behaviour affecting my relationship with DS?

[chosenone]

I jusy want to get this out as it has been upsetting me and hope some of you can empathise? My DS 3 1/2 is quite a challenging child, he can be brillant, sit and read to himself, play on the computer play with us, friends and relatives nicely, but he is so argumentative, he wants everyting on his terms, what hes wearing, when hes getting dressed undressed, if hes holding hands or not etc, he will argue back, shout and always try and have the last word. I try and remain positive, give him lots of praise, attention, give him warnings and countdowns of whats about to happen but he still kicks off and I feel its important to stick to the word no and maintain boundaries or he'd rule the roost! yesterday he had a huge screaming shouting tantrum and he took ages to calm down when he did we praised him and gave him a confiscated toy back, but I was so upset he cuddled me but I took it all very personally and couldn't believe my little adorable boy had turned into a screaming nightmare who can look at me as though he hates me! I know im being over sensitive and parenting isn't all cuddles and fun but it really has thrown me!

i dont think you should of gave him the toy back as it will teach him that if he has a tantrum then he gets what he wants eveen though you made him calm down first he will remember it ..

With both of my children - the more I argue with them, the worse it becomes and, if I am honest, the worse my own behaviour gets.

The solution (where possible), is to put them in their own rooms and they do not come out until they have ceased making any noise at all. No arguments, no debate. In they go until peace is restored.

This works brilliantly with ds(5) who cannot stand not having attention. With dd (4), it can be less successful, she works herself into such a tizz that I find I do have to remind her what it is she has to do.

That said, there are times when they work themselves into such a state, that they cannot calm themselves down. When this happens, I will go into their rooms and hug them until they stop. Then I will remind them that they are still not going to get whatever caused the row in the first place and they are usually fine about it.