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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My toddler hates me....Help!!

13 replies

Freckles · 30/03/2003 03:21

First time posting here. I'm very upset and need advice / reassurance, my 2.9 year old daughter wants nothing to do with me when her dad is around. She is fine when it is just me and her, but if her dad is there she will push me away, won't le me engage her in any way, grunt at me, won't let me look at her etc. Although both of use work full time, her dad spend more time with her as I have to travel further to work.

Is this normal behaviour??

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Abbey · 30/03/2003 21:05

I have a three year old who prefers her dad to me. It is very difficult because I do not exist when dh is around.
However, it does appear to be perfectly normal behavior and does work to my advantage sometimes. Try not to take offence, your dd does love you.

snickers · 30/03/2003 21:11

I seem to recall another thread being poisted about this sort of behaviour... It made interesting reading. I'll see if I can find it (something like "daddy worship"...) I think it was agreed that it was perfectly normal (although clearly distressing)

sobernow · 30/03/2003 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soyabean · 30/03/2003 21:17

Hi freckles. Sorry this is so upsetting for you. I think its probably very common. I know I have seen another thread about it , maybe about 2 months ago? My 3 have had periods of seeming to prefer one or other of us, but it has never lasted more than a month or so, as far as I can remember. I do remember that my dd seemed to get on much better with men in general when she was aged between about 2 and 4. We wondered if it was because of having three lovely, fun uncles, and she extended that to newly met friends' dads etc. It was very striking at the time. I wonder if it is something about girls working out their relationships with their Dads and needing male attention. A bit scarey if that really starts so young. Anyway, dd's relationship with both of us is very good now (she's 7) and she gets on well with adults in general.
Do you do most of the organising and 'boring' stuff with yr daughter, and her Dad the more 'fun' stuff? Just a thought, it certainly happens here, even when we are both working equal hours.

snickers · 30/03/2003 21:18

Found it! I think

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=6101&stamp=030217121838

Britabroad · 31/03/2003 03:03

We had this with our daughter two years ago when she was 3.
We seem to have solved it by having "mischief time".
Each weekend we take it in turns to spend a couple of hours on our own with her. One week her dad one week me. Things like the park, swimming,and favourite places. She began to see that she could have fun with me as well as her dad.
Sometimes I would feel that I would do all the basics and be neede only if she wanted food or was hurt etc and her Dad was called when she wanted fun.
Now we spend time with her on our own and together. She loves it and so do we.
Hope this helps.

Lindy · 31/03/2003 16:12

Freckles - my DS is a real little 'Daddy's boy' - he just loves being with his Dad & when he's around, I don't get much of a look in, but when it's just DS & I, he's quite happy. Perhaps I am lucky because it REALLY doesn't bother me, in fact it means I get plenty of 'free time' when the two of them go out together or whatever, as DH is away a lot on business, often for a few nights, I feel I 'deserve' a break.

This morning DS was calling out for Daddy - I went in & actually said, 'no, goodbye Mummy' - fine, I could shower in peace!!!!!!

PokemonStorey · 25/04/2004 14:58

Hi Freckles
I'm in exactly the same boat!!! My son is only 18 mths and prefers his dad to me. He is my first child and I feel like a total failure as a mother sometimes because of this. My son and I are fine one on one, but when dad arrives home, I'm just a 3rd wheel. However, rest assured if you can get "What to expect in your Toddler years" by the same people who wrote "What to expect when expecting" they have a section on 'prefering Mother'. I actually gave it to my husband tonight to read their suggestions from the reverse side of things , I think your partner needs to know what's going on. If you want to email me direct [email protected] Cheers Sue

katierocket · 25/04/2004 15:16

freckles - she doesn't hate you! this is very common

see here
daddy's girl

and here
her heart belongs to daddy

oh and my DS (2.6) is exactly the same with his dad.

funkydiva · 25/04/2004 15:27

Hi Freckles, my first time posting as well! My ds1 is 4 and is mad about his daddy as well, I sometimes feel invisible when they are together, although we are fine one to one. Think this has become worse since ds2 (5months) arrived for obvious reasons! My dh is aware that it bothers me and so I take ds1 off to the park or balls at wknds on our own so he also thinks I am a little bit fun - although obviously not as much as superdaddy!

Evita · 25/04/2004 16:08

My dd's 18 months and at the moment her affections are a bit of a roller coaster. For the last few months it's been daddy daddy daddy unless he's at work of course. Then just lately she's very into me all of a sudden. Yesterday when I got home with her she wouldn't even bother to say hello to her dad and clung onto me and wouldn't let him take her. It was a bit of a shock for him and he kept asking 'what have I done?' but I had to explain to him that it was like this for me over the last few months and it seems to be stages they go through.

When my brother and I were kids we adored our dad and treated our mom pretty badly I think now. But she was very strict and very stressed and really not much fun (as she herself admits now). As we got older that shifted totally and we thought our dad was a dork and our mom was cool.

Aren't kids mean at times!?!

Nicholalady · 25/04/2004 18:19

We have the opposite problem so if it has been covered elsewhere, I would be grateful for the links. My ds (3) has really taken against his father. He works full time and quite long hours whereas I stay at home with the children. He refuses to kiss him or even say good morning sometimes. DH finds this very distressing and is starting to lose his patience. It's been going on for about five months now. Any advice?

Tallgirl · 25/04/2004 18:36

Just to add to what has already been said here this was the case with my DS (nearly 2.5) a few months ago where he was fine with just me but didnt want to know when DH ('Mummy out the room etc' and i was also in the early stages of PG so this was particularly hard to bear. I took comfort from the threads posted above and a few months later things have improved so definitely a phase they go through. Also DS still sometimes wants Daddy to do something (especially if he is having a bit of a grump) he is very into 'mummy and daddy' at the moment so i know it can be upsetting but hopefully will improved in the long run.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

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