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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Badly behaved 8yo niece

8 replies

lollystar · 25/01/2009 19:57

Can anyone help me with techniques to modify bad behavior in an 8 yo?
I don't want to go into details out of respect for my sister, but in general, she is very rude and badly behaved.
Time outs/naughty steps do not help. Talking to her does not help. Taking toys/things off her does not help.
She is the eldest of four and acts far too grown up for her age. I'm getting very concerned for her as I can see her going off the rails quite soon. I'm thinking of suggesting to DS that she see's a councilor tbh.
My sister is in a fragile place at the moment so I want to come up with some constructive techniques to help her get through this.

Sorry for the lack of detail, but I don't feel it's right to go into detail about my sister's children. Thanks in advance.

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ScummyMummy · 25/01/2009 19:59

Do you think she's worried about your sister?

Original poster

lollystar · 25/01/2009 20:14

At the mo I don't know what to think, she's always been a bit difficult to handle but it seems to be escalating. It's not the first rough patch for my sis, but she is taking this one very hard. DN could be feeding off it though I suppose. I just don't know what to suggest to her, I'm worried about all of them.

OP posts:

ScummyMummy · 25/01/2009 20:22

I think it's pretty common for kids to act up when they are worried about their folks. Behaving badly is a good distraction and sometimes forces the parent into the telling off role, which is reassuringly normal if a child is concerned that their parent is feeling unhappy or acting unusually. Hard to say if this is what is happening for your neice without more info though. I guess all you can do is be a supportive presence as much as possible.

Smee · 25/01/2009 20:53

Do you know if your niece is only like this at home, or does she have problems at school too? That could be a starting point. If she's like it at school too, then she could enlist the school's help and support.

CrushWithEyeliner · 25/01/2009 20:59

I think your sister needs people/family around to support the situation. Could she talk to her GP or HV?
It sounds like your neices' behavior changing may pivot on your Sisters state of mind.

Original poster

lollystar · 26/01/2009 18:16

DN is one of those kids that bosses her friends around. Sometimes they put up with it, sometimes they don't, so she can be quite lonely as school. There's no nastiness involved, I just don't think her people skills are developed enough. She also gets picked on quite often by other kids who aren't in her circle. It feels horrible to actually write this down, she must be so lonely
DS has said she's going to get help for her so I'll suggest GP/HV and school. I'm also going to suggest to her that DS and DN spend a bit more one on one time together. I think it will be good for both of them.
Thanks for your responses

OP posts:

Grammaticus · 26/01/2009 18:21

it's hard to be helpful without details of her behaviour, to be honest

Original poster

lollystar · 27/01/2009 20:04

I know it's difficult without the details, I appreciate people posting though. I'm just after techniques that people have found helpful, rather than going into why she's doing it. My sister can take care of that side of things. I just wanted to give her a coping strategy while she's getting the help sorted. I don't have an 8 year old so have no experience to back any suggestions up.
Thanks anyway though.

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