Why don't my children play????

[lunavix]

I have a ds of nearly 5 and a dd of 2.5, and they do not play!

We have lots of nice toys, craft stuff, and books, and unless I actively pick something, get it out, sit there and do it, they will not join in. And even then it's 50/50 as to whether they will.

They both like watching tv, so it's quite limited. We don't have time in the mornings, except for occassionally one cartoon, and if we get home from school they may have half an hour to an hour, which I'm not too worried about. But it's the weekends it's noticeable. I've got a stinking cold and I'm finding it hard to do anything, and yesterday was trying to conduct everything from the sofa, so that's exactly where the kids were too till I dragged myself up at lunchtime and got us lunch, took ds to a party then took us off to a friends house.

I'm looking around at their christmas presents which are largely untouched, thinking does anyone else have this???

I forgot to add, if they had their own way, a weekend day would be:

waking up and me putting miilkshake or something on (I don't function early so put cartoons on while I wake up and sort breakfast/washing on.)

Milkshake finish at 9, ds will ask 'can I watch doctor who' then dd will ask for night garden, then ds will ask for doctor who, then they'll fight over who's watching what, then one will ask for mary poppins or something, then dd will have a nap and ds will put something on...

Obviously they don't get this. I try and go out during the weekends as I get so frustrated at home because of it.

children do not know how to play unless you show them. They need some direction and encouragement.

Oh and I've limited tv to say an hour a day or two hours a day. But once it's all gone, they'll just fight, or go slightly loopy fighting and trying to jump off sofa. Is there any way to have an enjoyable day inside the house?

I think you need to work at it. Which doesn't help if you've got a cold and you just want to lie on the sofa. But when you're feeling better you need to get up and play with them.

When I'm better I do!!!

During the week ds is at school, and dd is for half the week at the childminders (where apparently she plays) and half the week with me. We go to playgroup, swimming, ballet, read stories, no problem.

Saturdays and Sundays is where they start this nonstop TV request, which they don't get. I get the toys out, do cooking, go to soft play, go to friends, go swimming, to the park...

If I fill the day with doing things, eg painting, cooking, swimming, park, then it's ok. If we are at home and I sit, they sit. It's toys they don't play with at all.

Have you tired puting all the toys away apart from a few
Mine tend to play with things if there are less of them

Is the problem that they do not play, or is the problem that they do not know how to occupy themselves without an adult or structure? (which is a little different)

It sounds like they are entertained plenty, I dont think there is anything wrong with one lazy day, I would give anything for my dc to sit when I sit

My two are the same ages as your dcs. My two year old would like to watch Dora the bloody explorer all the live long day if she could.

I don't get up early enough to have time to let them watch tv in the morning before school! At one point when we got back from dropping the other one off at school she would nag and nag me for TV. I cut her off cold-turkey! They now only have tv when they are ready for bed. That way, if they ask for it at another time I can say 'no, it's not bedtime yet' or 'later you can'. We do sometimes watch films at the weekend and I big it up a bit by drawing the curtains and making popcorn.

At first it was quite hard as you can get a lot done in an episode of Dora, but I am better off now than I was. She doesn't ask for it now, which was the thing that was driving me mad the most. And she can entertain herself now, ofter with Dora megablocks admittedly.....

Yesterday I wasn't well and was trying to organise wedding stuff, dp is studying so our 2 (aged 9 and 3) were told to go and play, they played teachers, playing mum's and watching tv in dd1's room while dd1 made petend dinner. On friday after school they went upstairs to do sticking and gluing and they played really well. They do argue and I have to step in but over all they do play well together (usually if dd1 decides she wants to tbh and dd2 isn't tantruming)
They did have a few arguements yesterday until I eventually shouted at them to stop it and then they went out in the garden for a bit on the trampoline for fresh air and exercise and were much better after that.

5 and 2.5 is possibly a bit little to expect them to always go off and play with each other it will get easier as they get older.

I have had to teach mine to play nicely together by watching over them but now they will get on with it and I only have to intervene now and again.

The answer is easy - ban the TV.

It's not sitting when I sit though. Hard to explain.

It's like they are very passive.

Outside the house they are fine. Will play at friends houses, CMs house, school. If we do structured activities, eg cooking, painting, they're happy.

The second it's done, or I do something else, eg hang laundry out, they both sit on sofa and moan to watch TV.

So I get toys out, play with happyland, lego, dolls, anything. And half the time they won't join in, they'll just watch me. The other half, they'll join in for 2 minutes, then go back to watching/sitting sofa, wanting TV.

The thing is, they've never had an excessive amount of TV on (not kids stuff anyways, I've always had music channels on as I like background noise, grew up with it).

Does that make sense? I sit with toys, anything of either of thems, and try and encourage and they both have none of it. So the second I leave the room they moan for TV or start fighting.

Are they tired?

My DD will play on her own or with other children for ages but if she is tired she likes to slump in front of a DVD. She even falls asleep on the floor sometimes after school.

I know how you feel my 9yo DS will never play on his own unless we are watching him or leading the task - its very frustrating - i do blame myself however as when he was little wqe didn't used to do a lot (to be fair i was working) in terms of arty crafty stuff.

lunavix - 2 hours of tv is a huge amount. You say you have limited it to1-2 hours which suggests they have been used to much higher levels in the past.
It will take a little time to break the tv cycle, but by banning it in the week altogether and limiting it to the odd, chosen programme adn getting used to switching it off when that one ends it a really good thing. My kids watched hours of tv without me really being aware of it that much. If you asked me I would have said maybe 1 or 2. The reality when I added up a weekend would now shame me!
My DD2 went to a differen kindergarten and we were requested to cut out tv altogether to try to get on top of a few behavioural isses (minor, nothing extreme, not physically violent or anything - more about concentration levels and being able to play properly).
We went cold turkey and it was tough but after a while they stopped asking for it and gradually learned to play all over again.
It does mean I have to interact more - suggest activities, get out the painting sets, set up a big den in the sitting room with them, help them with a big jigsaw etc etc - but that it good too. It has made me realise that I can?t let the tv do my parenting for me like a big rectangular babysitter.

I know you are feeling unwell so today might not be the best day to do this - but as soon as you are feeling on top of things, totally recommend you switch it off almost permanently throughout the day and try a few other things.

It sounds exactly like what it was like for me!

fwiw my DS won't watch tv either - he is a total fidget bum and can't concentrate on anything for longer than 30 minutes. He hates tv

savoycabbage - how do your weekends go?

I'm happy cutting them off during the week. No issues. We don't get up early enough to watch more than ten minutes anyways, and by the time we get home, do dinner, have bath, read ds's school books, read stories, go to bed... not a problem.

It's the weekends. Generally we get up about half six or seven as dd wakes early and wakes ds up to. I get up and go downstairs with them as they won't stay in bed, and they are too young to be unsupervised. I usually let them watch cartoons here, while eating breakfast, usually till about 8am, which is when it feels like a human time of day to me. So this is already an hour/and a half

I think it's more my issue that they do nothing independently, particularly my ds who's nearly 5. And they do not play with toys, at all. Even if I'm sat there doing it with them.

I'm not trying to be some slack parent doing nothing. I just don't know how to have cheaper, easier, stress free days!

Mine are grown-up now so thankfully this is just a distant memory to me (it DOES end - take heart!) but mine were just the same, although DD2 was even worse - she wouldnt watch TV - yes, a child who would not even give her mother a break by sitting in front of the TV for 20 mins. What they wanted was to play with me It's my experience that the long-lasting play-value of any toy is overrated - especially at this age - construction toys, craft stuff and jigsaws etc WILL be played with - but this comes later - 6-ish maybe, when they've got used to doing such things at school.

These aren't the easiest of years, to be honest. Sometimes I found letting them play with things that weren't "toys" helped - such as letting them empty and explore a cupboard full of (safeish) kitchen stuff like pots and pans or the cutlery drawer (minus the sharpest knives, though I was quite laidback about it) while I was working in the kitchen and chatting to them as I worked. Involving them in any household chores by giving them their own little job (tedious but necessary.)

Give them a box of your old clothes to dress up in. Or a load of things to 'wash up' in warm water. Clean out your cupboards and let them mix up all the foodstuffs you're going to throw out into a big 'cake' in a huge bowl - then throw it out, of course!

In better weather, the garden helped - sand pit, climbing frame, trundly toys invaluable ( a 'proper' bike will only need YOU for assistance at this age so simple is best.) If no garden, then one daily trip out to the park or to the shop to buy some small treat is time well spend as you can then allow TV time without the inevitable guilt.

It gets easier when they are old enough to really enjoy having a friend round to play all the ridiculous ludicrous silly imaginative games you just can't bring yourself to!

To be honest, I think it's pretty normal! My BF had a playroom built downstairs in her 'cellar' which she fondly imagined her boys would spend happy hours in while she got on/relaxed upstairs. But they never stayed down there for long, despite having a lovely room and every toy under the sun and each other to play (or fight!) with. All I can remember is the constant patter of little feet climbing the stairs and us having to bribe/threaten them to go back down 'see who can make a lovely Duplo house/do a nice drawing etc and in ten minutes we'll come down to have a look.'

At this age, there's no doubt we ARE their most desired/best playmates, and in my experience not many toys have ever been played with for long without some adult input at this very young age, but it WILL change - honestly.

Mi9ne get up at 7ish . They have a drink of milk while I get their breakfast. I am really grumpy in the mornings soI don't do much interaction until I have had my tea! After breakfast I get them dressed. Then I say something jolly like 'what would you like to play with' and so it begins! If they seem to be getting a bit bored I will wheel out some play-doh or glue. I get them to help me with things too like you said before.

I hate it when they argue so I have tried to stamp it out. I am always telling them how lucky they are to have each other etc. I would say that half the time they play with each other and half by themselves. My oldest likes drawing so she does a lot of that. She isn't at all into more imagnative things like happyland but my 2 year old is.

I don't think letting them watch tv is slack parenting actually, I really don't get the limiting tv thing, dd2 has been watching tv most of the morning so far, she woke about 7.30 (which is late for her) i went in and cuddled her for 10mins then I put the light on and she looked at some books then came and got me to come downstairs after another 10mins she got given breakfast but decided to have a major tantrum instead because it wasn't her birthday eventually she calmed down and so I sat her on the sofa with the tv on where she has happily/ quietly sat ever since, I think she's still tired despite the fact she has had 12hrs sleep (she hasn't been well this week and is tired from a busy week) I don't feel at all guilty about her watching the tv at weekends, she's happy, she will go and play in a bit (probably get the play dough out or play with her dolls etc) dd1 is playing sims on the pc (im on her laptop next to her drinking tea ) sometimes it does them good to just relax.

It's like if you go on a diet you want chocolate more, so I don't limit tv because they decide when enough is enough because they know if they go and play they can have it later. Sometimes we say no to tv like if dp is watching something but I really don't mind it being on. Dd2 is now playing with her dolls as predicted.

During the week we go out every morning and she goes to nursery too she also gets to spend a lot of time playing with the children I childmind, tv is prob on for a max of 2 hours a day on a weekday but they spend the majority (prob 7-8 hrs if you take into account some time for eating/ travelling) of time playing.

My dd2 will spend ages drawing too, mega sketcher is prob one of her fav toys she will draw round her hand and colour it in or draw shapes and colour those in.

I don't think there is anything wrong with TV generally, but if was dominating my dd's life. It's all she wanted to do and she was moaning all of the time. She is a much happier child now.

All children are different so different strokes for different folks and all that I just know if I told my dd's tv only for 1 hour they would def sit infront of it and moan when it went off but if theres no limit they will watch for 30mins then go and play and come back to watch it later.

i think you are doing too much for them

someone said the three rules of parenting were
leave them alone
leave them alone
leave them alone

mine are similar age/combo to yours [@6 months younger]
if i ignore them long enough they go and make a big pile of clutter build a spaceship/den

any tv is part of the picture but we don't limit it per day, but play it by ear - some days we will have it on 4 hours in a row [i go and read a book], others not at all.