I'm back again with another 'is this a typical phase' question.....

[Earlybird]

The issue is gratitude, or rather lack of.

Took dd (almost 8) out last evening to a big school event. I was exhausted, and would rather have given it a miss, but had promised so we went. I gave dd some spending money for the evening, and explained she needed to choose wisely.

Long story short, she whinged all the way home and until she went to bed about the evening - she didn't have enough money to buy what she 'really wanted', her friends weren't 'playing' with her, she didn't get one of the free giveaway items thrown into the crowd, etc etc etc.

Instead of being happpy/pleased with a nice/fun evening out, her focus was completely (and annoyingly) on what hadn't gone just as she wished. She sounded very much like a spoilt girl.

I know she has had a long week and was (is) tired, but is that an acceptable reason for her behaviour? Honestly it made me wonder why I had bothered.

Sometimes I think she is able to do/have so much that she can sometimes fail to appreciate things, but then wonder if this is simply typical behaviour.

WWYD to help her understand there was alot to like about the evening, and that moaning/whingeing makes her miserable and me disinclined to make so much effort in future?

Just ignore it completely.
Don't respond. Leave the room when she starts.

Sounds all so familiar and my eldest is 11. Will keep looking at this thread for strategies since I fall into the answering back/trying to reason/get pissed off/end up rowing category. It can be all so bloody exhausting though

Tinker, that's the problem.You are trying so many different strategies and she is playing you like a fruit machine hoping one will bear fruit.

Ignore the behaviour from the start, and stick to ignoring it.

Yes, you're probably right that a non-reaction is best. Thing is, when I'm tired, it winds me up to hear her whinge bitterly about something that was supposed to be nice.

Makes me think it might have been easier to hear the 'but you broke your promise' whinges that would come with a decision to stay home instead, rather than be subjected to a 'moany' evening when the effort has been made!

Of course it winds you up.It works and she konws it! Therefore remove yuorself (or preferably her) from the situation with a cheery 'Please go away.I am not interested.'

Refuse to engage or get drawn in.

Oh, I know the rules. I know what I'm supposed to do.

So...just do it!!!!!

like maniac. And everyone else thinks she's so charming and can't imagine how she could be in anyway a challenge. Will stop hijacking now - plus she's going to start searching for herself soon I feel.

Yes you're right. Will try to rise above and not to get drawn in next time.

Tbh, didn't truly get engaged/angry but did make the mistake of rationally explaining what was lovely about the evening and tried to point out a 'glass full' approach. Didn't work, and that was when I started to get wound up, and began muttering 'well maybe next time we won't go if it was such a terrible evening' - which was completely counterproductive and escalated the situation.

Argh! Just back from shopping for birthday party invitations for dd. Instead of being excited about choosing something fun and planning her party together, she fixated on the soft toy shelf in the shop. I declined to buy her one (many times despite various pleas). She couldn't accept 'no', pushed me in frustration, and told me all of her friends are so much luckier than she is and she wishes she had a different Mum.

We came straight home from the shop, and she is now in her room for an extended 'time out'.

Oh dear.