7 year old son can't sit still & quietly when close to other kids

[RuthCL]

My son is 7 years old and started at Junior School in September 2008. He did not cope well with the change from cosy, happy infant school to large, imposing junior and his school work and behaviour has suffered ever since. He is easily distracted when he sits close to other children eg: at carpet time, and makes noises to himself when he is concentrating or listening to the teacher which are both distracting and alienating to his friends. Noises include hummming to himself, making raspberry noises in his cheeks and on his hands. One teacher treats him only ever as a "naughty boy" and is confrontational which makes him react whilst in other classes he does not appear to be able to conform to sitting quietly and still. The school suggested that he may have ADHD but I think that attaching a "condition" to him does not help him tackle specific behavioural problems. In the past, in infant school, he was engaged in the lessons, he got good SATs results, he progressed in his reading and had a reading age 3 years above his year average. He was reading Harry Potter by the age of 6. In junior school children are required to conform with stricter behavioural norms and he is struggling to do it and yet at home I have observed that he can sit still and concentrate when there is absolute quiet, he is thoughtful, caring and funny. He has already dropped down a group in his lessons and I sometimes feel that his learning has gone backwards! Has anyone any ideas on how to get a fidget to concentrate? Any fidget devices which don't distract too much? Any ideas on how to help with the "noise making"? Or any thoughts on how he should concentrate when sitting amongst other children, and respecting their personal space? Phew! That's a lot. Sorry! RuthCL

he might find it very difficult having people in his "personal space" iyswim?
if he has no problem concentrating at home then I wouldn't have thought it could be adhd?? (but I don't know enough about it to say for sure)

there is a book called "raising your spirited child" which def has a section about children who don't like other people being too close and find it hard to deal with. might be worth a read because the author provides suggestions on how to deal with it

Have you tried fish oils, iron tonic and some early nights? Y'know the more I read about kids on MN Primary school threads the more I think many schools are simply 'sausage factories'. Kids are not all the same and occasionally may have funny quirks-it's such a shame that they then get labelled 'naughty'.

I mention the above because a really tight hold on diet and sleep works wonders for my son (5) when he is going through a 'quirky phase'.

My son is about to turn 4 yrs old - so a bit younger than yours - but you could be talking about him. He is very bright for his age, can already read and is capable of long periods of being calm and concentrating on activities at home. However, he turns into a complete fidget / whirlwind / disruptive influence in groups of children. Ditto the funny little tics / noises. he just cannot keep still and quiet when he is around others.

ADHD has also been suggested to me by a friend who is an educationalist, and we are meeting his nursery teacher on Monday to discuss his behaviour at pre-school.

I have been aware that his behaviour is different to most other children his age and that it is starting to become a problem at nursery and in other group settings (he has just been practically pitchforked out of a toddler class we attend because othe rparents werent happy about his behaviour ). I have been extremely reluctant to have him labelled for similar reasons to you, up until recently. However, it's been pointed out to me by my friend and by other MN-ers on the SN boards here that although you may understandably feel be reluctant to have your child diagnosed wit somr sort of 'condition', this is often the only way to get more help and support for your son at school. I have got to the stage with my DS where I think he actually would benefit form the sort of 1:1 support and attention that having a SEN statement would bring. I also fear him being labelled 'disruptive' or 'naughty' more than I fear him being labelled 'ADHD' or whatever.

It's a difficult situation, though, isn't it? I still feel very uncomfortable and unhappy about the idea that my lovely, bright, funny boy is somehow 'different', and I worry about the whole ADHD thing. As I'm sure you're aware, it is still a controversial diagnosis in some ways.

Have you googled sensory processing difficulties? I'm sorry to hear about the teachers response. This really makes me mad.

Sounds like he is self regulating his sensory stimuli. He is having too much sensory input because of his neurological makeup and trying to calm himself down by making noise (this blocks out other noises around him so he can concentrate), blowing raspberry (muscle pressure in the mouth helps us feel calm). He can concentrate at home because he doesn't have the extra sensory stimulation. Your son is trying to concentrate at school that's why he is doing what he is doing. As we get older we learn how to self regulate in an socially acceptable well.

Things which might help

Get a fidget box ASAP - he needs something to fiddle with at school- you will need to discuss this with his teachers. Digits fidgets are great
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00E40WZKK

Google sensory processing and how to help your child to concentrate. Tere are some amazing blogs online and helpful information

Use weighted therapy - could he has a weighted blanket on his lap. This will help him feel calm.

Remain the teacher of his best environment to aid learning. They should help to promote this - such as a quieter area in the classroom.

Hope this information helps.