Advice needed on sneaky behaviour by DD age 6. Please.

[muckypups]

My DD took a sweet from my car this morning. She knows she is not allowed treat without asking first. Its not that she took it thats bothered me so much its that she sneaked it into school and hid in the book corner to eat it.

Ive told her how dissapointed i am in her, she knows i hate sneaky behaviour, as this has happened before. I told her it makes her a thief and stealing is really bad.

Not sure if i over reacted or not and wether its my fault for making treats an issue, but isnt that why there called treats?

Ive told her how i feel and that we will talk about it later, but do i just leave it now as she knows how i feel or carry out a punishment. We have gym later and other mums usually hand out a treat at the end. I was thinking of not allowing her to have one but is this why she stole one in the first place?

Am i making too much of this?

I think you are making too much of it. My dss aren't allowed treats without my permission and they have become adept at climbing onto the kitchen counter and helping themselves when I'm not around. They also sometimes go off and hide to eat them. I would let the matter drop now, from their point of view sweets are very yummy and hard to resist.

I think it's a bit harsh calling a 6 year old a thief for taking one sweet, and it sounds like you are making treats an issue as you say. I am no expert though, that's just my opinion. I also think it's a bit nasty to call her 'sneaky' Maybe I am too soft though.

I think in general if sweets, etc are forbidden too much they can become more desirable. Having said that, if you have a good reason for not allowing sweets very often (eg legitimate concerns about her teeth, weight, diet) then she is probably old enough to lean that being sneaky is not on...

Have you got reasons for restricting treats/how often are they allowed?

I think you overreacted. There is a risk in this. If she starts thinking of herself as a thief, she won't have much of an incentive not to nick things will she?

I used to nick icing sugar from my Mum's larder and I have grown up into an almost painfully honest and upstanding citizen.

My experience is that if you make too much of small acts of dishonesty they escalate and carry on for a long time because children start being uncomfortable about the person they are and insecrity often translates into acts of sneakiness.

Next time, I'd tell her off straight away, but not call her names. Just a basic punishment as for any other act of naughtiness. And then let it be dusted and done with.

Why do you have sweets in the car by the way?

Oh god roland i feel really bad now. I just dont want her to turn into a sneaky child, i hate lying etc but i supose if im too harh with her hten shes bound to do things behind my back.

We dont have the best relationship, i do seem to be constantly reprimanding her but she is such a demanding difficult child. She rejected me when her brother came home 4 years ago, she wouldnt come near me for months as i was breastfeeding him, she formed a deep bond with her dad and ive being trying hard for years to get that bond back with her but its so hard as she pushes me to the edge. I feel like such a bad mum.

All kids do this! I think it is one thing to take a sneaky sweet from your own car than it is from a shop/someone else's house. How many times have you put your hand in for an extra sneaky biscuit/chocolate knowing you really shouldn't? If she knows the difference it will be fine. I, on the other hand, did find a sweetie my dd had pinched form a shop and was mortified. She has never done it again, but she can occasionally pinch a sweetie from the box when passing (as we all do).

Roland they are my driving sweets, blaccurrant and liquorice. Love them.

Grapefruit, i think im the same as most parents as in i do allow treats, they are not banned or anything. If they eat there meals then they get a treat. If we go out for the day i pop something in the car for them. We go to the cinema and pick and mix goes down great with them.

muckypups, don't be too hard on yourself either. It is very hard when we see our own children with attributes we would rather they did not have but they are very often only temporary attributes. She sounds very normal.

I wont mention it to her later then i promise. All forgotton x

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel bad! Maybe you should pick your battles more so you don't feel like you're having to tell her off all the time. As I said I'm no expert, my ds is only 7 months, so I've got it all to come. I don't think children turn out bad though if they've got a parent who cares about them, which she obviously has. From the other replies it seems a very common thing to take sweets without asking

Roland i always try extra hard with her to be loving, its like im always making up to her. Its so tough this parenting lark. My boys are just so easy.

Ill give her a big hug when i pick her up and as i said wont mention it again. And if should happen again ill try not to make a big deal out of it. i just though shock tactics like saying its stealing would ensure she wouldnt do it again but now i see it from her little 6 year olds mind that i was too harsh

My mum always put her Special K on the top shelf and we knew we would be in deep trouble if had any. As a child i thought it must be really good stuff if we were not allowed it. As an adult i think, what on earth was all the fuss about

It IS stealing and you didn't over-react.

Children learn by these episodes. It's not just one sweet - it's a principle.

Your disappointment will drive the point home far more effectively than shouting, further punishments, long lectures or a namby-pamby approach.

If she took just one crayon or pencil from school, deliberately and school pulled her up on it - how would you feel?

Many kids, including myself (bourbon cream biscuits) and my own children, nick stuff but if they never get 'done' for it, how are they going to learn the priciple and the fact that theft is theft?

Hmm I wouldn't say you are restricting treats then.

I think some people have a very "sweet tooth" and can't resist - my dad is like this - my aunt tells great stories about him as a small child! My ds2 is also like this and will perform all sorts of mountaineering feats to check the highest cupboards in my kitchen.
I try now to make sure he doesn't get too hungry so that he starts to get a craving and generally only have stuff in the house for packed lunches or that I am happy to be eaten on that day - I can't stock up on biscuits with my weekly shopping for example as they would get wolfed in one go!

Have been thinking about this (obviuosly far too much) but my kids know these sweets are mine and not for them. If i let them have one from time to time then the temptation to take one wont be there.
Its my fault not hers as like my mums special k i turned them into a issue.

I did'nt shout as my dd just let her know how dissapointed i was. Saying that, Im sure she has learnt from this as i have. What would i do without mn to put me on the straight and narrow.

You sound like you're a good mum

"these sweets are mine and not for them. If i let them have one from time to time then the temptation to take one wont be there.
Its my fault not hers as like my mums special k i turned them into a issue."

Sorry MP but that's bollocks IMO. It's a red herring.

Your stuff is precisely that - YOURS! And if she knows/knew this, then she has to learn to respect it. Replace sweet with very expensive make-up. If she took that without asking - blatantly yours and blatantly NOT for her, would you think she did it becuase you were depriving her of make-up?

Nicking one of your sweets isn't crime of the centuary but it's still stealing. It's a lesson that needs learning and now is as good a time as any for her to learn it.