Help! How can I stop my DD constantly answering back!

[biddieboo]

My DD(11.5) is wearing me out and I am at the end of my tether. She argues with me constantly. Every single thing I ask her to do - get out of bed in the morning, turn the light on, do her homework, go to bed etc she contantly barters for more time or argues with me - however big or small. She also seems obsessively jealous about her brother DS (9) who is much easier going and tends to just get on with things.

As far as I can tell, she is very sweet to people outside the home, teachers say she is lovely so behavious certainly seems to be saved for me. She is not so bad with her dad as he is very strict.

I lost my dad late last year and really feel like I can't cope with my every step being challenged.

Is this normal for an 11 year old and any tips on handling the constant battling

Don't have any brilliant suggestions as my DD is only 4 (although still a little madam )

I know 'how to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk' has been recommended on several other threads - have you tried that?

Best of luck - must be hard for you with losing your Dad to contend with as well. Do you think this has affected her at all?

About the before school angst -

Presumably she's at high school? Do you take her to school? Or does she walk?

I would probably sit down with her and ask her what help she thinks she needs with getting up - would she like one call or two? A new alarm clock?

Discuss what the school sanctions are for lateness. Tell her you think she's old enough to manage getting there on time herslef. Do the 2 calls or whatever she sks for and then leave it.

The worst horror for girls that age is (usually) to miss the gossip at school. If she doesn't get in she'll be out of the loop so hopefully fear of being left out will work to get her up.

If you do drive her tell her in advance what time you are leaving. And just leave. She'll only be left behind once!

My mum used to bring us a cup of tea at 7.30. The bus was at 8.05am.

She'd then call out from downstairs

"it's quarter to 8"

"it's 5 to eight"

"you've missed the bus"

She would NEVER get the car out to take us. We had to go in late with no note and no excuse. Detentions all round!

I have a 12 year old, he would argue black was white just for the sake of it, must be the age.

Takes 2 to argue, DONT get involved with arguements with a 12 year old, you cant win!

My ds getting up in the mornings, for every minute he spends in bed after being asked to get up, gets taken of his bed time that night. If he manages to get up on time all week, he gets to stay up later at weekends.

Homework gets done before TV goes on, before PC goes on etc, etc.