DDs bf 3yo dominates and bosses her around ALL THE TIME, it's becoming very wearing!

[greatbigPITA]

I interevene when I can, and that generally sorts out the immediate problem, but the normal relationship runs along the lines of dds friend telling her exactly what to do, deciding everything they play, then changing the rules half way through meaning that dd is always doing something wrong. She is mean to dd every time they see eachother, won't let her play if she isn't wearing a dress, or pink or something, takes things away from dd. DD adores her, tries very hard to please her, does exactly what she is told, paints pictures for her all the time etc etc. The relationship is doing neither of them any good at all. It's heartbreaking. I feel I can't write off the friendship because I am very good freinds with this childs lovely mother and I'm hoping that they will one day be very good friends on an equal basis. Please tell me this is a possibility! I have reduced the amount of time they spend together to about two play sessions a week, and dd has plenty of other friends, but I feel like those two sessions are times when I just have to accept that dd will be bossed and bullied.
DD plays well with all her other friends, shares well, and is assertive as well as having a lot of fun, there just never seems to be a lot of fun with this particular friend, so why does dd like her so much?
Help, how should I handle this?

My dd1 was v v similar towards my niece and my friends daughter at that age

Your dd will do exactly the same as niece and friend did she will get older, learn and refuse to play and the dynamics of the friendship will become more equal.

They are still only babies and only learning how to socialise properly at this age, if your dd is not upset by it I think you are overreacting.

its not really bullying its just one toddler who is slightly more assertive don't allow the other one to take control you should say lets find a game to do and all sit down and do something then you can intervene and teach the other child to share etc

but if your child isn't upset then you cant class it as bullying at this age as they are unaware what bullying is i was the bossiest toddler ever i think its quite natural and one day your dd could do the same to someone else lots of praise when playing properly then leave them to it

She's not generally upset by being bossed about, but she has been upset when the child has told her that she doesn't like her/want to be friends with her, and is upset by the exclusion which I didn't mention in op, but that is another big problem, there is always one child excluded, and it is very often dd.
I do wonder whether I am being (a bit)over sensitive to it, but I can not bear to watch my child being dominated in this way
btw she has lots of friends who are assertive, and she can be like that too, not on the same scale as this!!!

shesells, what did you do about it?

doesn't like her/doesn't want to be friends with her does smack of bullying although it would be unreasonable to expect a 3yo to understand the niceties of social behaviour in any depth.

Do you stay around when they are playing so you can listen out for flashpoints? I might be tempted to jump in at those points and say 'that's not a very nice thing to say, let's do X, Y or Z now, shall we?' in a brisk and breezy tone.

My dd (4) can also be very bossy and I used to get worried about it. Then she started a new school with other strong(er) characters and now sometimes she's the bossy one, sometimes the bossee.

Like shesells says things will change and even out.

And yes, the other girl is NOT a bully, she's 3.

edam, thanks, I don't use the word bullying lightly, and I have posted on this issue before, and really, I think it is bullying, low grade, yes, but bullying all the same. I do tend stay around when they play, but they run about the house, so can't always be on top of things, but if I do hear anything along the lines of taking things or excluding, then I do say something and am able to sort out the situation for the time being. I leave the bossing bit alone though on the whole, though, although I do tell dd that she doesn't have to do eveything she's told to do.
It's good to hear that you all think this time will pass, I can't wait.
A couple of people have said to leave them to it, which to a certain extent is unavoidable, but if I did this completely, then I think it would be very unfair on my dd.

Well I would tell dd1 that it was nice and she was to let others choose what to play sometimes. I even once told her that she would end up with no friends if she carried on. It didn't stop her.

I intervened everytime I saw her behave this way, but the minute she thought my back was turned she was at it again. I once witnessed 'tidy up time' at her nursery and was embarassed, she did no tidying at all. She just went around saying "X it's tidy up time. You must turn off the 'puter now, Y put the blocks away, A stop playing in the sand it's tidy up time"

She was just a naturally bossy child. I don't think she was doing it intentionally, I actually think she thought she was helping most of the time.

It stopped with friends daughter when she refused to be the vet so that dd1 could have her 'pet' teddy looked at. After about an hours worth of sulking dd1 relented and agreed that they would take turns at being the vet and she would go first.

Niece was more explosive than that. She just snapped one day and threw a toy at dd1 hitting her in the face after dd1 tried to take it away from her so they could play something and sceamed "I is sick of you spoiling my game" That was what stopped her. She is much more sensative to the needs of other children now.