Advice on co-sleeping - 1 year old

[Travellerintime]

Hello there,
I am a reluctant co-sleeper. Ds (just over 12 months) has always been a terrible sleeper. He goes into his cot at bedtime, but normally wakes between 10pm & 11pm, and will not be settled in his cot, so he comes into bed with me. This started a few months ago, and in some ways, it has helped our sleep, because he is a restless sleeper, but at least he's next to me, so I can comfort him pretty easily.

Unsure how long to co-sleep for really. Dh spends most nights on the sofa bed downstairs, as there doesn't seem enough room in our bed for all 3 of us, plus he does like the odd drink, plus he's a heavy sleeper so it seems best. But obviously, we don't want this to continue for the next 3/4 years!

What do other co-sleepers do?

I am wondering whether to start trying to get him to stay in his cot for the night - or at least a little later. Part of the problem is that 10pm is so early to come into bed with me - quite often I'm not even in bed then, so it means hurriedly going to bed even if I don't want to!

Sorry this is a long ramble...any advice...

feel for you, it is a tough one
but so is sleeping separately from your dh and going to bed earlier than you are ready
Have you thought of trying pick up put down, or gently patting?
it would be tough for the first few nights, I guess sleep training, which is frowned upon, but after the first week hopefully things will get better

We tried pu/pd a while ago, and it just had no effect at all (whereas with my dd it worked miracles. If he wakes before 10:00pm we try gently patting, and it sometimes works, but really after 10-ish, he WILL not settle. Have of course thought about cc, but again, I just think it won't work with him - he's more stubborn than I am!

could you lie with him in a single bed in his room until he's alseep and then put a safety barrier up so he doesn't fall out and then you go and sleep in your bed

Well I am a happy co-sleeper,so no very helpful suggestions re getting him to sleep alone as I haven't dealt with that,but if you all want to sleep in the bed but your dh is worried about squashing the baby,then you could either put the mattress on the floor and the baby next to you not your husband,or put the bed next to a wall and do the same.or you could put the mattress on the floor and add a little mattress at the side for the baby (this is how we manage,toddler on extra mattress and baby in the bed)Then no risk on squashing or falling off a high bed.

i think, as you've found, some children need a lot more comfort through the night than others. this has been the case with my ds, and at around 1 year, i slept with him in his room (he has a double bed for this reason!)

he is now 3 and though he does end up in my bed every night, it's usually from about 3 am. he and dp are like a tag team; ds comes in and dp goes through to ds's room (i get too hot with 3 in a bed!) often i don't even notice. it does evolve and we are resonably happy with the arrangement, even now that dd has come along to share the bed too.

hope you find a solution that suits your family!

My ds was the same he hated his cot he would scream and shake the bars and would wake every time i tried to move him from our bed.
He wasn't going to bed untill arround 10 and had two naps in the day.

At 13 months i got him this bed
It's very low to the groud, he can climb in and out and the portholes stop him from falling out. (they are too small to trap head or anything)
he has his own pillow and duvet so i think he feels cosy and content as he did in our bed. We have a bedime routine where he has his milk in bed i sit next to him. His lights off and play a lulaby cd. I have to sneak out when he's asleep. I think the cd's wonderful because it helps him drift into a deep sleep.

He sleeps really well now 7.30-8pm untill 6.30Milk -8am. He also has nap at 11.30 untill 1/1.30 if tired. He naps on the sofa not his bed.
He very occationally wakes up because he's kicked the duvet off but settles as soon as he's tucked back in.

Best choice i ever made!

nice to hear of a happy co sleeper helly melly. My dd 3.9 goes up to bed no problem in her own bed wakes up about 11.30 and comes in with me, dh goes in her bed, to us it is not a problem cos dh snores so i get more sleep with dd. I love sleeping with my dd, its lovely to cuddle up. I am glad she goes to bed fine at 7 cos at least me and dh get some quality time together. Sorry no suggestions, but know a couple of my friends did it by controlled crying

Plus DP is happy because he's out of the spare room. And wont be going back because the spare room is now ds's new room. His old room is now an office as its a box room.

I think this helped as there was no turning back once we'd moved him.

Thanks for your ideas.

I am discovering I am not against co-sleeping per se, but it doesn't work for us in the way we're doing it at the moment. In particular, waking up at 10pm and getting in to bed with me feels like I really lose my evening.

I am thinking about a) the mattress on the floor in our room with ds on a cot bed mattress next to us. Hellymelly - how do you manage when you go away from home though?

b) I am thinking about a mattress in his room that he and I could sleep on - would have to be a single though as there's no room for a double in his room. Ragged Robin - did you find your son fell out of bed at all with this arrangement or did you get a rail? I am a bit worried about ds falling out of my double bed - have cushions on the floor etc. and pillows to stop him, but he's quite capable of clambering over these.

Littlemissbliss - I don't think that's the right link. It led me to a site on Michelle Obama's fashion!

Thanks

Littlemissbliss - could you re-send your link?

Thanks!

traveller - had a rail when he was little but we don't use one now.

in fact, if you live anywhere near paisley in scotland, you can have it!!!

bed www.gltc.co.uk/fcp/product/-/bedroom_furniture_beds_immediate/Boat-Toddler-Bed---SAVE-40-per- cent/10000000028

we've decorated his room in a nautical theme and think he will enjoy the bed even more as he gets older!

sorry that one doesn't work either, try this link instead

We put ds's cot with the side off next to the bed, tied on and with the gap stuffed. The first step was to get him happy sleeping in his cot bit first, then I moved it away from the bed slightly, then across the room and finally when he was ready for his big boys' bed he moved into his own room when he was ready. This was a bit later though - around 20 mths, and he still comes in with us about 2 nights a week which I don't mind at all (he's now 4). It's getting less all the time but I love co-sleeping as it really works for us and I love being snuggled up in bed with dh and my little boy, it makes me feel all safe and protective

We're also happy co-sleepers, and we got around the space issue with a bedside cot. It makes the bed seem that much bigger. At the moment baby sleeps in the cot, I sleep right next to her (so what would be right on the edge of our bed), and if ds(3) comes in which he often does, there's enough room for him in between dh and myself.

Wrt going away, I do stress about sleeping arrangements but it usually just 'works' (even if it's not as comfortable as home!). We bought ds a 'ready bed' (little air bed) with Bob the Builder on. I think he was about 16 months when he first used it. He starts off in there and if need be comes in with us. If it gets too much for all of us in a normal sized double, dh sleeps on the floor! It only temporary so he doesn't mind (that's not to say he doesn't moan about it though!)

My ds needed a lot of comfort to sleep when he was younger, and I also often had to retire to bed before I was ready. He gradually got a lot better, and he's really done it in his own time. I think it gets better as they get older for many reasons. They become more secure, they can get excited about choosing duvet sets for their beds and special decorations for their walls etc. Their bedroom becomes 'their' place.

For me, the short term inconvenience has been so worth it. He still occasionally comes in with us, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If he needs comfort in the night I want him to know that he can come in with us. Some mornings, however, I have to prise him out of his bed at 7.30 to get him to nursery on time!

I love having a family bed. The happiest time for me is when we're all in bed together. I look to the left and see ds sound asleep, look to the right and see dd sound asleep and it makes me so happy!

Thank you all- nice to hear some positive messages on this. It has made me think about how I want to carry on with this, and I realise that in some ways, I do really like the co-sleeping - just wish he'd stay asleep a bit longer in the evening.

RaggedRobin - funnily enough, I'm not that far from Paisley - we're in edinburgh! But it's still prob too far for us to go for a bed guard, so will try and get one on-line. But thanks anyway!

Hi Traveller - sorry you are having problems. I too co-sleep with my dd2 (3 months) - we use a bedside cot with side down and we have a superking bed so there is plenty of room for dh, dd and me. dd1 and ds ususally join us at 6am as well and they both slept with us till they moved into their own rooms. Ds at 20 months dd at 2 1/4 - we used a rapid return technique to settle them in and they moved into low beds with bed guards. Took a few weeks each time but it worked well and they (usually) sleep well alone - but I still bring them in with us if they are ill or have nightmares.

At 1 your ds is probably too young for rapid return and a big bed but it could be an option by 18 months or so. Hope you find a workable arrangement.

Hi which bed did you buy please? The link isn't working. I co sleep with my 1 Yr old as they hate the cot. I have to go to bed when they do as I am worried they will fall out of the bed. I have a guard but they could climb over this. My partner is in the spare bedroom which is starting to take its toll on him 😕 be good to be able to put our baby down as I am going back to work soon and I will need to work for a bit each night on the lap top which I can't do if I carry on as I am.