Grumpy, anxious, miserable four year old - any advice?

[howdoo]

My DS1 is a lovely child, but he seems to have chosen to be really miserable recently. If we suggest going out, for any reason, for instance, he will shout "Nooooo" at the top of his voice and give filthy looks. If we ever ask him how his day was, he will always, always say Not good, and put on a really miserable face, even though we know that it was good! (We have now stopped asking him). He says he doesn't have friends at school, while his teachers say he has lots of friends. He endlessly obsesses about whether the children at school like him, and is generally very sensitive. He really just wants to draw and write, and is very good at both. I am trying so hard not to shout and to try to increase his self confidence by being gentle and encouraging etc, but he is really getting to me. We moved countries nine months ago, and I know he still misses home. I feel really sorry for him and know that he is having a hard time, but the relentless negativity is getting to me, especially as he seems to have chosen it, IYSWIM.
How can I make him happier? Should I ignore the negativity and be endlessly upbeat with him? Should I talk to him about what he is unhappy about - I think that it may just make him focus on it more. Should I make him go out to the zoo, aquarium etc, or just stay home and draw things with him?

Sounds like he's caught up on your worries about the change in where you live and its made him worry too. Understandable really on both sides, and easy to get into a habit too. I wouldn't make too much of it in front of him. A lot of kids say no they don't want to, if you want to go out. Mine certainly does and it's about power and the comfort of home being easy, not usually about whether they want to go out or not. I'd say listen to what he says, especially if he volunteers to talk about it. Don't belittle his take on life, and do give time for him to do what he wants to do at home, but definitely take him out too. When you're back from wherever, find a way to talk about the fun you've had. If he's negative, remind him about something on the trip he laughed at or really enjoyed. Maybe take more photos of you all having fun as a jolt to remind him that actually yes you do have some fun and life's not all bad. If you're balanced about it, but gently reinforce what's positive and back it up with evidence, a hug and a joke, I'd say he'll soon be more positive too.

Thank you so much - I think everything you say is right. I feel very guilty that I took him away from everything he knew in the UK and put him here (even though it was for good reasons). And I'm quite homesick myself, and as he is sensitive, I guess he's picking up on that. It's just awful when he says things like "It's no fun being me".

Aw that's so sad. Makes my heart ache and he's not even mine. I do think they pick up on our moods though. He sounds lovely. Where are you anyway?

We're in the US. DH is American and now has a job here, so unless one of us is really unhappy, we are here permanently. Also my other DS is really happy here!
Am hoping he will settle down eventually.
Yesterday, after I wrote here, we went to the zoo and had a lovely time and in the evening he even admitted that he had had a good day!

Ah see, he can have fun. Lots of hugs for both of you and keeping busy will see you through. Fingers crossed for you both. Must be hard being somewhere new x

glad you had a great time at the zoo - can you put together a scrap book of photos, postcards etc that you saw at the zoo together with his ticket next time he is feeling down? He could then write about it and draw some pictures!