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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

The perpetual dummy problem, how can I remove it gently?

16 replies

dandycandyjellybean · 20/01/2009 14:08

it's kind of weird how ds (3.2) dummy habit happened really, he has never had one for night time only for his naps, my reasoning being that it really helped him to settle and nap well and that when he dropped his naps he would drop his dummys. However, the nap dropping has been gradual, and he has tended to have 'snuggle time' instead, with his dummy, teddy and blanket watching some tv, in my bed or on sofa or whatever. I know we need to go cold turkey, but I wondered if there was a way that I could make the process easier? I know I'm asking for the moon really, just wanted to know others experience of ridding dummys for older kids. Part of me feels I should let him continue for a while and see if he will relinquish it by himself [yeah, right!!!] but i'm fairly sure it's starting to push one of his front teeth a little out of line, so I know I've got to bite the bullet.

No 'rod for your own back'ers please, just sympathy and help!!! Ta.

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Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 20/01/2009 14:13

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OP posts:

FruitynNutty · 20/01/2009 14:15

I always tied DS's dummy to his blanket with one of those dummy saver thingies.
One day when DS was about 2.5/3yrs his dummy fell off and we couldn't find it anywhere.
I just told him it was lost and he seemed to accept it! I couldn't believe how easy it was! If he ever mentioned it I would just say "It's lost" Sometimes he would say "we'll buy another at the shop" but we never did.
He still has his blanket at night though which doesn't bother me at all

Bubbaluv · 20/01/2009 14:18

There's always the dummy fairy. i.e All dummies are tied onto a prety ribbon and ceremoniously hung on a branch in the garden for the Dummy Fairy to collect.
Makes is a right of passage and also means that in the child's mind the dummies are GONE and cannot be reclaimed by howling.
Maybe talk about it for a while and explain tha it's nearly time because he's such a big boy now?

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 20/01/2009 14:24

Thanks guys; have been talking it up for a few weeks now, as I have done with all the devs in his life (moving to new bed, going to nursery etc) can't think why I'm struggling so much with this one. He does get upset if he really wants a dummy and I won't let him (if he'd been snuggling but then got up and started playing or riding his bike) but is it usually short lived. It's me that's got the problem I think. Perhaps I should just mark a day on the calendar as 'd' day, and then follow through. AAaaaarrrrghggghghghgh!!!

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hoarsewhisperer · 20/01/2009 14:29

i did what fruitynnutty did and sewed the summy holder to his comfort blanket toy. Ds1 gave it up when he was teething. Ds 2 still has his. He will be 3 in march and i have told him that when he is 3 he has to give the dummy away. he seems ok with the idea, but practice could be different. I am thinking of taking it away for lunchtim naps, and only using it at night for the next few months as a progression stage....

ten10 · 20/01/2009 14:30

Don't do it slowly, do it quickly
take it away and put it out of sight when they are not around.
then say no when they ask for it, they will get the message quicker than you think.

If they have a tantrum then ignore or distract, but do not give in.

If you try and do it slowly and over time, you will never really get there,
Cold turkey is difficult in the short term but less difficult in the long term
So although you may not like it and it may upset you, it is the best course of action

fluffles · 20/01/2009 14:32

At the local family petting zoo place here there's a dummy tree where kids leave their dummy with a message after they feed the lambs.

Seems to work. Don't know if it's widespread though. Also don't have any direct experience of this so no idea if the kids who leave them regret it later.... but it is very sweet to read the messages they leave.

www.almondvalley.co.uk

Aniyan · 20/01/2009 14:45

When ds was about 3.5 we explained that 'The Babies' needed his dummies now. We packed up his dummies and posted them all away to The Babies (kept it vague and he seemed to accept it!).

A day or two later he got a present in the post from The Babies (a cuckoo clock - he'd been hankering after one for months) and a letter thanking him for the dummies.

After weeks of angst on my part about the trauma we'd be putting him through, it turned out to be utterly painless - and he still remembers that the cuckoo clock came from The Babies - though he's 9 now and says it with an ironic look in his eye

Bubbaluv · 20/01/2009 15:10

Make sure you actually DO get rid of the dummies though, otherwise you may crack and give one to himin a moment of weakness.

Original poster

dandycandyjellybean · 20/01/2009 15:44

Thanks everyone, aniyan, I love the idea of him sending them to 'the babies' and also that he gets a present from 'the babies' after a few days. Get the feeling that will really work. Cheers. .....weeks of angst, you sound just like me!!!!

OP posts:

Aniyan · 20/01/2009 15:57

It worked like a charm for us - hope you have the same success if you try it .

By the way, it was concerns about ds's teeth that finally made us get rid of the dummies (he was getting a bit of a gap between his front teeth), and I think it did make a difference.

CoteDAzur · 20/01/2009 15:58

DD used to go to bed with one dummy in mouth, another two in two hands, and several sprinkled around the cot so she could find them in the night.

When she was about 2.8, I cut the tips of two of her dummies just a little bit so she couldn't get suction and hence no pleasure. She told me they were "bust". I said "Well, throw them away, then". She did.

One by one we did this to other dummies, and she threw them away one by one. After she threw the last one away, she did ask for her dummies, but I said "Remember they went bust and you threw them away?" and she went to sleep with no problems.

Maybe do something like that?

Bubbaluv · 20/01/2009 16:08

Oh yes, the present, that was the bit I left off the Dummy Fairy idea. You go out the next morning and there is a pressie from the DF in place of the dummies.

TheMags · 20/01/2009 17:00

Hi no advice but am soon going to be taking DS' dummies away. DS1 is 3.5 and only has it at night time for sleep and DS2 is 21 months - I figure if I am doing DS1 I may as well get just go for it and get rid of any dummies altogether.

My sister is expecting a baby in a few weeks so we are giving the dummies to their new cousin. We have told DS1 about it and he seems ok with the idea although we will see what he thinks when it actually happens! I will probably buy them both a present from the "baby" to say thank you.

wotulookinat · 20/01/2009 17:17

I took Ds's dummies away a week before his 2nd birthday. We said to him he was a big boy and didn't need them anymore. We swapped the one he had in his hand at that moment for a sweetie (as a treat) when he put it in the bin. All the others went in the bin, including the 11 we found in the car

We had two nights of Hell, and then all was fine. My health visitor warned me to expect up to 2 weeks of Hell, so we did well.

TheMags, that is a super idea.

feelingtired · 21/01/2009 14:39

I did the dummy fairy thing. I told DS a few months before, that when it's his birthday, he was 3, that the dummy fairy was going to come and she'd leave him a present.

Anyway, we went on holiday the week it was his birthday and I thought I'd do it when we got home, cos I thought he'd be really upset and wouldn;t sleep etc etc. The thing was, on the day of his birthday, we couldn;t find his dummies anywhere. We'd taken 3 with us and they were all lost.

So I said the dummy fairy had taken them and she must have left a present at home.
He went to sleep that night and never mentioned it once and 9 months later he has asked for it only once and when told didn;t he remember the dummy fairy he said oh yeah and went back to sleep!!!

It was the most amazing and easiest thing ever!!!

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