DS1 (2.6) becoming increasingly aggressive towards DS2 (8 weeks) - at a complete loss as to what to do - help!!

[Ceebee74]

Me and DH really don't know how to handle DS1 and his current behaviour - over the last couple of days, he has bitten DS2's hand hard enough to leave 2 nasty scratches, scratched DS2's nose and made it bleed and is constantly trying to pull his hands/feets/poke him in the eye etc.

Although there were a couple of biting incidents within days of DS2 being born, there has not really been anything since apart from the constant poking etc which DS2 seems to ignore and it has felt safe enough to leave them in the same room unattended for a few seconds...but over the last couple of days, it has got so much worse that we literally have to have one of us in the room at all times.

We generally have DS2 in a travel cot out of DS1's reach when downstairs in the lounge (but today, DH left them unsupervised for a while and went back in to find DS1 had thrown tons of stuff into it, including hard books ) but upstairs there is no 'safe' place for DS2 - only the changing mat which DS1 can reach to pull hands etc or DS2's crib which DS1 reaches through the bars.

Do we ignore it, do we use the naughty step (which we have never done before) - DH wants to smack but I want to try everything rather than that.

Any advice as to how to handle it - I know it will be because DS1 is jealous, doesn't know how to handle it etc but why now after 8 weeks? And what can we do to put a stop to it?

sorry have just seen he is 8wks. Very early days. Obviously he takes up much of your time. I believe with my dd1 it was the constant 'cuddling' while feeding- thats how she saw it and constantly pushed me away if I tried to cuddle her. If you are bf make it clear that the baby has to have his milk from mummy but it will not always be like this, explain that the baby will grow bigger and will be someone to play with when he is older. Show him pictures of himself as a baby and compare similarities, sympathise with ds1 when the baby disturbs sleep for example and let him know you don't like everything the baby does iyswim. i.e. is x crying again, he has done too much crying today.
Use the royal 'we need to change him don't we' so he has ownership of the baby, try to get him to see ds2 as his.

ceebee74 It does get easier but I have to admit that for the first 6mths both I and DH wondered why the hell we had 'ruined' our lovely family. Now at 9mths on we are so glad we had dd2 (planned btw) and dd1 always says 'I love her!' to which we reply 'and she loves you very much too!' I think once the baby starts doing more and is less demanding/can be played with they start to discover that they can make the baby laugh etc, it gets much easier.

Dilly - I think me and DH are both wondering the same thing tbh . Our lives were just getting back on an even keel and now it is just so hard again - and I can't even blame DS2 as he doesn't cry very often, is a fantastic sleeper and actually very easy to look after. DS2 was also planned but nobody had ever told me about this aspect of having more than 1 child!!

Although we had already decided we were only going to have 2 children, this has definitely sealed it - there is no way I am going through this again!

the closest I have come to smacking dd1 was when she bit dd2 (then aged about 3m)hard enought to leave a mark for days.She was as shocked by my reaction as I was,as I really shouted.however she has in general been really loving compared to most other siblings I know.I think this is toatlly normal and will change but no,you can't leave them alone together while the baby is small

I feel the same about only 2 LOL You will feel differently in 6mths, believe me. My dd1 now takes some initiative with her sister and if she is crying says 'I think she needs a drink, she needs a new nappy, needs food!' She tries to involve her doing jigsaws by letting dd2 get pieces out for her (aka tipping the box upside down) and helping. She gave her some blueberries from the table as she heard me say that if I give her a few at a time dd2 doesn't throw them on the floor, so dd2 was crying and she gave her the blueberries- very helpful as I had gone into the kitchen for something

Am really going to make a conscious effort to focus on DS1 now - thanks for the advice.

It isn't too bad when DH is at home but he works away a lot so it is just me and the LO's but I guess I will just have to get used to picking DS2 up every time I leave the room!

I suspect the situation isn't helped by DS2 being in our bedroom at night - DS1's sleeping has got much worse since DS2 was born!

You are right about the sleeping, he will be better once the LO is in own room. We found things improved when dd2 did and more after I stopped bf.