Help! My DD (9) has turned into a deranged teenager!

[bigTillyMint]

DD seems to be constantly grumpy and argumentative at home recently. She is making the rest of the family miserable/bad-tempered/stressed out.

She refuses to get out of bed in the morning, and then when she realises she HAS to, she has a tantrum.

She has a tantrum when she decides that she no longer likes what we are having for tea (even though she liked it last week).

She has a tantrum if DS gets a treat (for doing well - she gets them too).

Etc, etc.

She is, of course an angel at school, at clubs and when her friends are around.

We asked her what we could do to make getting up in the morning easier (she usually goes to bed around 7.30 and is woken up just before 7), but she just turned it round into another rant at us - that we don't love her, etc.

She has started to sprout the tiniest bit - is this normal for a pre-pubescent girl, and if so, how do we handle it?

Yes, it's normal, and be prepared for lots more of the same. All you can do is be consistent about what is and isn't allowable behaviour, and count to ten a lot. Like yours, my DD was an angel at school and a witch at home - it's bloody annoying that they don't spread the unreasonableness around a bit .

So, what isn't/wasn't allowed in your house?

She doesn't get violent (yet!), it's the shouting / moaning / personal insults / bickering with her brother, etc that is the worst, I guess.

I was wondering if getting her an alarm clock might help with the mornings - she seems to lay the blame on DH when he goes in to wake her up.

Yes, we had lots and lots of "shouting / moaning / personal insults / bickering". Violence with DS1 (usually provoked, in fairness), and once when she was 14 I actually sat on her (I'm not proud), but none otherwise.

Early on (she's 19 now), I would deduct pocket money per misdeameanour - 10p per outrageous strop, or whatever, and later on combined that with grounding. I have to say that now we have a fantastic relationship, but those prepubescent years, and the ones afterwards, were bloody hard.

And girls are such little cows to each other - the subtle, verbal bullying that goes on (DD dealt it out as much as she recieved it) - which never helps their self-esteem, which I think contributes to the poor behaviour at home. I have 3 boys as well and they are so much more straightforward.

You have my sympathies

dd (10) started this about 18 mths ago, and is an angel at school, tantrums at home etc.

She is definitely starting puberty though as her hips are rounding out, she's getting the odd spot and it won't be long before she needs a trainer bra either.

One I realised it was probably hormones affecting her I tended not to be so hard on her, I tried to compare it to pmt as I know I can be very irrational with that. Easier said than done, I know,but deep breaths and tell yoursef 'this too shall pass'!

Oooh you two sound so calm....

It feels so sad, she was (still is, but mainly only with her friends) bubbly, friendly, a pleasure to be with.

Any good ideas for treats (not food ) that I could use as a bribe?!

Only calm at the moment btm, not always

We have mum/daughter trips to the cinema or clothes shopping that she looks forward to that I kind of use as bribes!