How do you deal with jelousy/rivalary?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

While cleaning up the mess that DH and the dd's ahve so very kindly left for me, I have collected in dd1's old dance things to wash and be given to niece, who is trying out dd1's dance school next week.

Initially dd1 was excited about her cousin coming with us, but I think she has started to realise that this means dancing is not something she will have to herself anymore and she will have to share with cousin

dd1 "what are you doiing with that?"
me "washing it"
dd1 "she is not getting it. It is my spare one"
me "I have told you I am giving it to x, you have a new bag"
dd1 "she can't go anyway. Who will take her"
me "Aunty x will bring her"
dd1 "what about the play she won't be able to do those"
me "Yes she will"
dd1 "Well who will do her make up? Aunty x can't do it she has other babies, they can't all stay up late and come to the play"
me "I will do it and your other Aunty and Nana might help if its too much"
dd1 "But you do mine. Who will do mine? It's not faaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiir!"

Why? Why do children behave this way? How do I deal with it? Apart from making it clear that neice will be getting old things and will be going to dance class and dd1 will be nice to her while she is there

So it's still an unsolved mystery then? a bit like why they all always want the that blue cup and not the other identical blue cup.

I did tell her that I was going to be giving away her things so I don't see the big drama tbh.

Seashells I wonder if you invoved her in the decision as in, 'What do you think? Would it be kind to let x use your old dance clothes now you've got new ones?'

Of course you run the risk that she will say, no way, , but I think sometimes, as parents, we can be over generous with things our children consider are theirs! I've been guilty of that, as was my mother. I still remember the doll's house high chair my mother thoughtlessly gave away to a visiting child who took a fancy to it, when I was 4 .

I know you'd told your DD already but, I guess she's only just realised what it means!

No I didn't involve her in the descion, but she was the one who chose to buy a new bag because her old one was too pink.

And her old leotards and shoes don't fit her. She cannot even get her feet into the shoes. The leotards she can get into but they don't look comfortable.

She is now saying that she is leaving dancing and joining one that niece cannot go to

They normally get along brilliantly. But then dance is always something that dd1 has done alone and got a lot of attention for it. Plus it's the time that we spend alone. I suppose she probably feels like it's being taken away from her. I'm just shocked at how strong her reaction was. I thought she would like neice going with her.

What a gorgeous child she is...just looked at photo. Also very bright; she's got it all worked out

Yes, sure you're right, she feels she's losing something that was specially hers. Aaah.

I guess she'll come around to it in the end if you're able to sympathise with her position a bit.

Good luck!

Thank you Clouded, I have to agree she is gorgeous

The dancing hasn't been mentioned since. She has showed an interest in ice skating also. Which is something I did as a child, so I am thinking maybe it would be easier for dd1 to accept neice into her dance school if I arrange some trips to the local ice rink just for me and dd.

Good thinking!