Cognitive development question - can a 22 month old understand, if you do x, you can have y?

[RoRoMommy]

My DS wanted boobie during dinner, after refusing to sit and eat his food. I said no, and held my ground with support of mum and DH, saying that he had to have some dinner before he had boobie (he calls it "tito").

I eventually had to leave the room because he got himself very worked up, would not eat any food despite pleading, and just kept requesting tito, mommy, tito.

I think he's a bit poorly today, but he was playing fine before we said he couldn't have what he wanted.

My question is, does he understand, "If I eat some food, I can have tito?" Or is that just gobbledegook to him?

Also, was it right to stick to our guns?

No he doesnt understand its here and now with toddlers and its a hard concept to learn -usually habits like this are quired through routine.

I would be inclined to give him tito/boobie if thats what he wanted especially as he is perhaps under the weather.

The true age where a child 'should' understand the concept of action and consequence is about 7,although i do think boobie and dinner will be understood well before then

So I should go downstairs and give him boobie now? God this motherhood thing is so confusing.

Im not a breastfeeding expert ,I dont feel qualified to give that advice but if hes settled and content then maybe this will be day 1 of learning to eat food before tito,if hes crying and upset id be inclined to give tito.

i think 22 month olds operate in the here and now with no idea of consequences yet

you cannot reason with a toddler IME

ruby would you give the boobie if it were your little one?? i would but then im a pushchair.

pushchair??? bjesus i meant push over

yes i would

i don't want food to be a battlrground

Hi RoRo

I don't think they understand IF x THEN y for some time yet. DS is a similar age and certainly doesn't get it, and lord knows I have tried. (Mostly along the lines of if you let me put your coat on we can go to the park and hunt for worms. Hasn't worked yet.)

Not sure about the BF thing as he weaned a couple of months ago and he hadn't fed in the day since 13mo. I would maybe have given milk then offered food a while later?

Does he often demand milk when you try to give him food? If so then I suppose it might be a habit you'd want to get him out of. But if it's a one-off then more likely due to illness in which case I would give what he asks for.

I wouldn#t make food a battleground

but gecko understands

'pick up the toys and then you can have your choccie'

I don't know - children develop at such different rates. I don't think my daughter (21 months) understands bargaining of that sort, though. And like some of your other respondents, I wouldn't make an issue of it if she didn't want to eat her dinner, especially if she wasn't well. Kids often go right off their food when they're ill.

I feel so much better now about not succeeding with my 3.5 year old with this. I thought it was a sign of the profundity of his language delay. Hurrah!

Thanks everyone, I am back. Here's what I did, and what I found...went downstairs and DS was sitting at the table with DH on one side and my mum on the other. He was laughing and happy, but his food was pushed to one side. I asked if he'd had any and DH said he'd had a few bites, so I said, if he's done what he asked, we have to give him what we told him we would.

So we had some tito time. And I even managed to convince him to go up for his bath without any tears!

What we accomplished? My mum and DH says that he learned that just because he wants to do something doesn't mean he can cry and it will go away. That because they stuck to their guns, he won't think throwing tantrums results in getting his way. Also, that if we make it consistent that he needs to sit at the table with us at dinner, he will eventually learn that that's what we do and it won't be such a struggle.

Like at nursery, when they all tromp off together, lay down and take a nap. HOW DO THEY GET THEM TO DO THAT?? Because it's what they do. That's just the way it's always been.

I think there is something to that, but I am a very "pick your battles" mum, and also a bit of a pushchair.

Teehee. Thanks ladies!