Does anyone know if you can get help from HVs/ surestart centres with 'naughty' behaviour?

[DisenchantedPlusBump]

Like a suppernanny type thing?

They just don't listen and its got to a really bad point and nothing we do has any affect

I think there are parenting classes you can take ...

what surestart offers varies from centre to centre - but in principle yes - they are likely to offer the webster stratton positive parenting course (with creche!) and quite possibly have family support workers who you can see individually. At my centre they had a child psychologist running the parenting course.

i was thinking more someone coming here and watcching their behaviour.

Rather than sitting in a circle of people and feeling like a failure and a nob!

Watching their behaviour isn't that useful, honestly, helping you come up with better techniques for managing them is more likely to help.

How old are your kids? If they're older than 2 or 3, then How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk is an excellent book.

if you don't feel up to going on a course, (and they do tend to be supportive, with parents going through the same sort of stuff), then ask if you can have one to one appointments with a support worker.

Get Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting out of the library. My 2 friends say it changed their life with their 3 and 4 year olds.

Webster stratton type groups get a big thumbs up from a lot of parents at the surestatrt centre I go to. Incredible years is one of the courses- hard work but rewarding outcomes for a lot of parents who stick with it, they have recently started a mellow parenting group as well.
Every one in teh group will be in same boat, your won;t be the "worst" and your not a failure for asking for some help to change the way things are between you.
You can ask to have a chat to a family project worker about it all with out having to commit to doing something your not ready to do.