Feeling down over DS's fussy eating. Please share your coping strategies

[MegBusset]

DS (23mo) has never been a great eater and I have posted many times on this subject. Just feel a bit fed up tonight after throwing yet another dinner in the bin.

I'm not worried about his weight or energy levels -- those are fine. And what he does eat is healthy. But it seems so limited. He would happily live on bread, cheese, apple, banana, peas and yoghurt.

There are about 4 hot meals I can persuade him to eat (cauli cheese, butternut risotto, fish fingers, spinach & potato curry) but these are hit and miss and even when he will eat them it's often just a couple of forkfuls. The idea of him eating what we eat seems completely impossible.

I just don't know what to do any more. New meals are met with hysterical tears. What should I do? Am I going to end up with one of those kids that everyone moans about on MN when they won't eat anything round their friends' for tea? Please, normally I feel more relaxed about it but today I feel quite sad...

Bump

Will he sit on your lap and eat off your plate? DS is not keen on Ready Brek at all when I make it for him but if DH is eating it, he will totter over and eat it when he is offered it!

How 'strict' are you about what he eats? I read somewhere that from 0-24 months, you should expose them to as much of a variety of tastes as possible. My DS is almost 11 months and he is starting to eat a lot of what we eat (including the occasional cake/muffin) but he also likes lots of fruit so I am not too worried about the unhealthy stuff that he does have.

It must be so hard on you... I hate throwing food away and it's so disheartening when you put so much effort into making them lovely stuff and they throw it all in your face (literally!). If he is putting on weight and has good energy level, do try not to worry too much. I really try not to worry about DS when he doesn't eat the occasional meal. Like we had an unplanned lunch out today so he ate a bit and threw a lot! I just came home and gave him a yoghurt... But I admit, it is so hard so you do have my sympathy.

Oh Meg - poor you. My daughter (20 months old) has similar phases to your son, where she barely eats anything all day. Maybe a bite of toast in the morning, a quarter of potato waffle for lunch, and two pasta sprials for dinner, and a clementine or something similar in between. I find the best coping strategy during these times is to try not to make a big deal out of it if she won't eat.

Lunch tends to be tried and tested things I know she's eaten in the past. Sometimes she'll eat the whole thing, sometimes just a little, sometimes nothing. At dinner we all sit down at the table together and she gets a small plate of whatever we're having. Sometimes she'll ask to get down straight away, without even trying a bite. Sometimes she'll have a couple of forkfuls and then want to get down. In these situations, I just take her out of her booster chair and do her thing whilst my husband and I finish our dinner and try to chat away all unconcerned, looking like we're having a great time (difficult when I'm worried because she hasn't eaten for what seems like weeks!) This seems to make her more interested in what's going on at the table, and she will sometimes want to get back in her chair; others, she'll want to get up on my knee and might consent to some more dinner there.

I don't cajole her to eat anything and I try not to show my dismay if she won't eat. We try to make the whole ritual of dinnertime seem like a fun social thing she might want to take part in, rather than there being lots of attention and pressure on her. And I don't make special meals just for her, which means it's not quite so heart-wrenching when I do have to throw her plateful in the bin afterwards.

This is just my experience; I'm not trying to tell you what I think you should do. Although I do think you should try not to worry about the future - your son is so little still. Quite honestly he doesn't sound all that unusual for a child his age; his diet is plenty varied, and as you say yourself, he's not wasting away. I think some small children find mealtimes a bit of a hassle - they haven't quite mastered the hand/eye co-ordination thing, so getting food to their mouths enough times to finish a plateful can involve too much concentration when there's lots of other distraction about. Also - you've heard this before, I'm sure, but toddlers' diets vary hugely. Some seem to survive on fresh air and halved grapes, and are none the worse for it.

Sounds just like my 24mo ds. Just like you said, he has a healthy diet why does it matter if it's limited? I know lots of people would be upset by this, but I don't understand what the virtue is in being an adventurous eater. And don't worry about the moaners (my MIL is the worst) if they have some hang-up about this issue it shouldn't have to become yours.

My coping strategy is "f'em" -- my ds is just fine the way he is.

If you're happy with his weight and health, and the problem is his reaction to new foods, you could try:

give him his meal, whatever you're having. Just put it in front of him and let him either eat it or not.

Don't make a fuss, don't try and cajole or threaten him, just let him get on with it.

If he doesn't eat it, when you've finished, take his plate away and don't offer him anything else.

It will become clear to him that either he eats what he is given or ge goes hungry (obviously not hungry -hungry, but hungry-ish)

Thanks all. I'm feeling a bit better now

Squonk -- I think eventually we might have to take that approach but he seems a bit young for it, to me. I don't think he would understand what was going on. Am hoping that will get easier as he gets older!

I think really excellent advice from these m-netters. Don't let it get you down. If it makes you feel any better my ds 2y eats a very limited diet, you are certainly not alone. I feel embarrassed when we go to friends houses, but I have to accept that for now its just the way he is. He lives off shreddies or cheerios and a smoothie for breakfast, which I blitz banana, berries and tofu into-come to think of it, even the odd bit of brocolli at times-, toast or a dairylea sandwich for lunch with a few goodies snacks like sweetcorn crisps, maybe a few grapes if he's in the mood, and dinner is chips, waffles, pizza, fishfingers, breaded chicken, peas and sweetcorn. Basically any combo of the above. He hates "wet" meals, won't even try. Its mortifying as I am known as the good cook amoungst my freinds and yet my son won't eat a bloody thing I make! Keeps me from getting big headed....!!

umm - you won't believe me but try not to worry. DS didn't like milk much (while a baby - really helpful, and no, he isn't allergic or dairy sensitive); and didn't like food much for a long time thereafter (he is now four and still not that keen). I tried everyone's advice re not pandering, they'll eat if they are hungry etc. - no avail. Weirdly, at the age of your DS he liked only cauliflower cheese, butternut risotto, fish fingers - didn't try spinach and potato curry but he did like salmon risotto, so give it a try. He is gradually improving now and will eat pasta, rice, chicken, fish, meatballs, peas, carrots, broccoli.... some children are (despite what people are going to tell you) taste sensitive and sensitive to pressure to eat. As long as he's healthy, fear not. I say. With the benefit of hindsight and having worried incessantly myself for the last three years....

actually, just in case he has the same palate, try squeezing lemon juice on everything. worked for me for a while there.

This all sounds completely and utterly normal. Sound slike he has a good diet for a 2 yr old. You should keep making him meals that he likes and every now and then throw in something novel on teh side.

Don't believe all teh wonderful eatery nonsense you hear on mn.

I wouldn't say the majority of kids are taste sensitive. The majority of kids are just kids with standard tastes.

Meg, your ds sounds like he is getting a healthy diet. He will be fine.

I think it is a developmental thing for children to become mildly suspicious about food. My niece who would eat anything at 1 year of age, suddenly shrank her range of foods overnight to become the fussiest eater.

Evolutionally, once their diet goes beyond milk and they are mobile, they could pick poisonous berries etc, so it is a question of survival to stick to the tried and tested. It will get better.

I find my dcs eat much better in a communal setting such as nursery. There, the peer pressure exerted by such an environment makes them eat things they would otherwise not touch at home. So I send them to nursery/school to be fed!

Thank you so much, everyone

Will keep giving food he likes and try new things every now and then, and try not to get downhearted.

Will also try salmon risotto, like the sound of that myself! How do you make it?

DS is 3.7 and still eats a limited, but healthy, range of foods.

Second those who advise to give him what he likes (take ALL the stress and emotion out of mealtimes) and occasionally put something new on his plate.

This tactic has really worked for us and in the last year he has started to slowly expand his range. I wept when he ate a jacket potato with cheese! He still likes foods to be 'separate', but his diet is good and he has bags of energy.

You'll get there. The only thing to do is not stress!

gosh, meg, I'm sorry, I didn't notice that you posted his age!

My advice was really better suited for an older child.

Save this thread and come back to my post later on (hopefully you won't need to!)

At his age, I really wouldn't worry too much just yet, there's plenty of time to widen his menu options.

Meg to be honest what he will eat seems adventurous and healthy. Just give him what he likes in the amount he requires and give yourself a break. My son started accepting new tastes again when he was about 4.6. Really his growth is slowing down and he is exercising his free will. Please it's not worth the battle!

Oh and when DSs friends come to tea we have simple things that most kids accept: fish fingers, cheese on toast - hey this is not a Michelin starred establishment!!

I think texture is a really big issue for children. My ds used to do this infuriating thing of tasting something with tip of his tongue very gingerly before refusing to eat it. So something like a cooked carrot can seem utterly revolting slimy etc to them whereas a raw carrot is fine.
I think your son is eating rather a good selection.
Some foods which my children feared, became friends after reading stories about them, ie: Charlie and Lola one about not eating things, and Avocado Baby by John Burningham. And jokes about food sometimes helped, "muscles from brussels" chanted with any green foods.

lol at izybaby! Very sensible advice here, without sounding too wimpy, could cry with releif that I'm not the only one. Sometimes seems like every child but mine is walloping down anything thats put in front of them. Thank girls for sharing your advice and encouragement x

Didn't meran to hijack btw!! Just struck a chord.

Hi Meg - DS1 is 3 and is very fussy but eats what he likes. I was VERY fussy as a child and only really started to like new foods when I started going out with my boyfriend aged 17 (now my husband). I can remember people trying to persuade me to try new things and I hated it - so I never do this with my lo. DS1 is more of a picker than a typical 3 meals a day eater so I let him graze on healthy stuff throughout the day and if I think about the stuff he has eaten throughout the day it usually adds up to quite a bit. I would also recommend the book "my child won't eat" by Carlos Gonzales which stopped me stressing about how little I thought my DS was eating and we all started to enjoy mealtimes more. Also when you say the thought of her eating what you eat is impossible don't worry because it is, your stomach is much much larger than hers. HTH

dashboard, I agree with your suggestions. I personally prefer a more relaxed approached to eating and allow grazing in addition to meals.

Is your 10 year old still fussy?