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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Boys playing with himself

25 replies

megg · 26/03/2003 17:43

Wasn't sure how to word this so I'll be blunt but my 3 year watches tv and is constantly playing with himself. The other day he got it hard and asked me to hold it. Obviously I didn't but couldn't explain to him about etiquette for want of a better word. Dp was no help whatsoever. I'm sure it must be common in boys so what do other people do/say? I'll admit I did try saying it'll drop off if he plays with it too often but dp soon told him the truth of that.

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lilibet · 26/03/2003 17:53

I have two boys and have gone through this with both of them. I do just try to distract them, and did explain once they got a bit older that it is rude to play with their willies in public, I know that it still goes on tho' have walked in when the older one is in the bath to catch them at it. I don't think that its something that you can stop, as it is perfectly natural, just as he gets older explain that we don't do it in front of other people

Lindy · 26/03/2003 18:05

I assume this is a 'male thing' and they DON'T grow out of it!! My DS has the habit of rubbing up on top of his soft toys in bed, he's been doing this since about six months! I assume all you can do, is explain that it's done in private, once they get to the age to understand that!!

katierocket · 26/03/2003 19:03

just to add, my DS (18months) has just started 'pulling' his willy in the bath and laughing hysterically. oh lord, I thought...here we go....

pie · 26/03/2003 19:09

Oh don't believe it is just a male thing! Since my DD was about 18 months she has fiddled with herself in some way...

At first it was out and out fondling, even in public. I never said anything, hoping not to draw attention to it and after about 2 months it passed. But since then, she is now 4, she is CONSTANTLY playing with her nipples. It is embarrassing, but if I tell her to stop she will do it even more, even hiking up her top when we are out, in her pushchair or on the bus.

I think that she simply enjoys the sensation, not in a sexual way, but it is comforting to her. She has never had a dummy or a favourite doll. She doesn't suck her thumb or anything like that so I think she does this instead.

God I do hope this doesn't sound too terrible!

Basically I have just put it down to her natural curiosity and discovery that it she likes the way it feels. Sometimes she has asked me and DH why we don't do it....now that I have no words for!

katierocket · 26/03/2003 19:21

pie , a tricky question that one!
my best friend's DD (2.5) is always playing with herself. she sits watching telly doing it, completely oblivious to everything else. what can you do?!

Holly02 · 26/03/2003 22:00

megg, my son will be 3 soon and he always does it while he watches tv too. Sometimes I just gently pull his hands away and say lightheartedly "leave it alone!" He just smiles at me but I've noticed that if I say it to him a few times, he seems to get the message and leaves it alone - for a while anyway!

mollipops · 27/03/2003 06:29

I agree with Lindy about telling them it's private - but why do you think 3 is too young to understand that? Just say its something you don't do in front of other people and ask them to go to their room if they want to keep doing it (ie no TV!).

IKWYM pie about it feeling good but not in a sexual way...they just know it feels nice, (like a good shoulder massage or footrub does to us!) Please don't tell him it will drop off!!!

Ghosty · 27/03/2003 09:16

I do what Holly02 does ... I tell him to leave it alone but with a smile so that he doesn't feel what he is doing is wrong ... I don't think it is wrong - it is a natural thing IMO. Agree that when they are a bit older they should know not to do it in public ... a bit like picking your nose ...

slug · 27/03/2003 15:26

LOL pie, one of the funnies things I've seen is the sluglet inspecting her genitals while sitting on the floor. In an attempt to get a closer look she brought her heels up, dug them into the floor, leaned right forward to look and pushed back. She spent about 10 minutes going backwards across the living room floor and never getting that closer look.

pie · 27/03/2003 16:07

Slug, that has really had me LOL. My DD last night in the bath started to poke herself and I told her to stop, she told me that she had to pinch herslef to make the hair come out so she could have babies like mummy. Then she asked, again, how the baby got in my tummy.

I have to say I was speechless my her attempts at hair stimulation!

monkey · 28/03/2003 10:29

I know it's natural & all that. so far neither of my boys does it, either dressed or naked, although ds2 does give it the occasional tug in the bath.

I go to a playgroup & there is a 3 yr old boy there & he has permanently got his hands down his trousers - conveniently always wears jogging bottoms. I must say I find it unpleasant and his mother never ever comments. i think I would ask him to leave it alone in public - as ghosty says - like picking your nose.

noodlekanoodle · 11/08/2003 06:47

I have two boys and both of them spent a lot of time with their hands down their pants while walking around shopping centres and at home. My eldest is nearly 9, he doesn't do that any more. But my youngest is 5 and occassionally still does it. I just say leave your willy alone. He doesn't get embarrased or anything he just pulls his hand out and goes on his merry old way. I am sure he will stop doing this in public soon. Its normal.

codswallop · 11/08/2003 08:27

Its just boys - they soon learn when not to. I tell mine it will fall off - years of therapy in future!

he sadi he would stick it back on with concrete

DaddyCool · 27/08/2003 16:08

I don't think we ever learn when not to. Let's just say it's natural, yes thats it, natural...

marthamoo · 27/08/2003 16:30

My Mum was a primary school teacher and she says that when she used to read the children a story, just before hometime, most of the boys in the class would sit there fiddling with themselves

I don't think you can stop them (I used to go out with a bloke who had a definite crotch fixation - his own, I hasten to add!) but you can tell them that it's something they shouldn't do round other people (I wish his Mum had told him!) I say to my eldest son (6) "you don't see Daddy or Grandad fiddling with their willies do you?"

I used to know a Mum at Mums n' Tots who threatened to cut her sons's willy off with scissors when he played with himself (actually waved scissors at him). That child will have serious sexual problems as an adult, I'd put money on it.

spikeycat · 27/08/2003 16:31

oh dear, my 8 month old grabs his dinkie and balls as soon as his nappie comes off at any oportunity - THought this was a normal age as I remeber my nephews doing it too!

codswallop · 27/08/2003 16:57

marthamoo - I tell mine it will fall off! he says he will stick it back on with concrete

twiglett · 27/08/2003 22:53

message withdrawn

FairyMum · 28/08/2003 08:24

Completely natural for both boys and girls. Agree with what's already been said about telling them gently to do it in public. Try not to react too much to it. We all know if you make a big issue of something, it really WILL become a big issue. Let the phase of touching themselves in public pass quietly.....

RockingRosebud · 28/08/2003 09:20

When my DS did it when he was little I said he could do it but he had to go to his bedroom. This has worked well but he was obviously at the age to understand. He has been doing it in bed since he was about 2 but he lies on his tummy rubbing up and down so it's not so obvious!

florenceuk · 28/08/2003 15:47

This thread makes me laugh. DS always plays with his willie - I think they are made out of elastic bands at his age, judging from how much it stretches - but have dissuaded him from trying out the same on DH in the bath...

moosh · 28/08/2003 19:12

I am not worried about ds playing with his willie. Perfectly natural for young toddlers to do this. MIL remembers dh doing it, he is now 34 now and nothing odd has happened to his!! Sometimes if he is doing it for a long time, I will jokingly say, the birds will come and peck it off if you keep doing that! All in fun and games.

codswallop · 28/08/2003 19:16

Twigett - lighten up.

Its joke, both he and I know that.

Dont you?

twiglett · 03/09/2003 13:09

message withdrawn

caroline39 · 03/09/2003 15:35

Our DS plays with himself in the bath - he holds it and pours water over it and sometimes pulls up the foreskin and sticks his finger in - ouch..! I think it's a normal part of his development and whatever you do you shouldn't make them feel there's something shameful. When we were camping though I think DH did wonder how to deal with DS when he was standing at DH's willy height and tugging at it. All I could hear from the womens showers was "yes darling, that's Daddy's willy" followed by hilarious DS laughter!!

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